Spiritual Cycles, the Goodness of God, Pursuit of Healing, and the Living Word

I'm shoring up a bunch of my musings over the past several months.  I write these things in a note in my phone entitled "Writing," hoping that I will have a future time to flesh out the concept further through writing.  I usually have to flesh out a bunch of it all at once due to time constraints.  I need to start dating each things in the note.

Probably 4-6 months ago I wrote: 

“The cycle replayed repeatedly in the Bible: calling, intent to follow, fear, sin, consequences (slavery), crying out, rescue, a journey out of slavery, and a journey to claim promises.  We live this cycle over and over in our relationship with God and reality (God).  Teaching on recognizing that cycle?”

It's interesting to me that I wrote that several months ago because just a few weeks ago I came across a Youtube video where the OneStory creators explained their story map for the entire Bible which shows how cycles replayed over and over again.  Their map teaches students how to recognize the phases.  Their phrases are a bit different though: wild place, through the waters, blessing in dry places, covenant, garden, choice, and a seed of promise.

I guess to take the best of both their map and my own concept of the cycle, I might go with:

1.  Calling / Invitation to the Garden 
2.  Intent to follow
3.  A choice:
•  Fear/Sin (proceed to #4)
•  Trust/Surrender (proceed to #7)
4.  Consequences / slavery / wild place
5.  Crying out
6.  Journey out of slavery / through the waters
7.  Blessing in dry places
8. A journey back into the garden / journey to claim promises
9. Loop back to #3 sooner or later (at least while on this earth)

 

A related item from my note: 

We can’t stay in the exhilaration of a tune’s crescendo very long.  Neither can we spiritually stay in the heights.  It is precisely the slower, darker notes which birth the exultation, and they too convey their own beauty.

 

Next item in my note: 

“The resurrection was God’s endorsement of the cross.  It shows us that God would rather suffer and die than overcome evil by violence, and it invites us to live by taking up our cross as Christ did.  Life through death.”  

 I’m still wrestling through trying to understand what happened with the cross and Jesus’ life.  On the one hand it WAS violence.  But was God doing it?  Willing it?  Was God unleashing His anger on Jesus, or was God with Jesus on the cross, showing us the way forward (life through death)?  It seems like pitting God against Jesus doesn’t work, since they are One.  And I can’t bring myself to accept concept of an angry God.  He clearly set up a universe where sad consequences happen as a result of choices to act contrary to reality – which I think Roman’s 1 calls “wrath.”  But I have a hard time calling that anger or even wrath because of what those English words mean (when we talk about them in any human context).  God’s version of them has to be something other--something purer and something that is somehow loving/seeking of restoration.

Dallas Willard said, 

“I’ll either allow my view of evil to determine my view of God and cut Him down accordingly, or I’ll allow my view of God to determine my view of evil and elevate Him accordingly.”   

The problem is, I feel like depending on your chosen systematic theology you can use scripture to support whatever view of God you want to take.  This is where I think personal experience with God – via faith (a risky choice to act on the assumption that He’s good and trustworthy)—comes to bare.  Often we have to get to a low place to be willing to take that sort of risk.  We cry out (#5 above) and decide to head for the Red Sea even though it looks impassible from a human standpoint, but we’re at the end of our rope and willing to give Gods’ a shot.  At least that’s what it feels like inside of our heads.  In reality I think there’s a drawing, reassuring, fueling, and supernatural enabling on God’s part which facilitates our faith.  

As we step into the waters, we see Him hold back the current and make a way forward for us, and we come to know Him experimentally.  That experience becomes a data point - a personalized revelation of God inserted into your life.  We bring that data with us as we approach scripture, and it helps us to discover truth.

Next note: 

“Seeing nature is peering into the mind of God.”

Next note: 

“To the degree that I am willing to wrestle with my mind’s dissonance in open conversation with the Creator, I begin to experience the true joy of discovery and I taste what the scriptures call ‘gospel.’”

Next note: 

“Jesus always told people who came to Him for healing, ‘your faith has healed you.’  Maybe we should understand, therefore, that spiritual healing is also on offer for those with faith enough to pursue it.”   

That’s essentially the choice (#3 above) that Jesus demonstrated and proclaimed.  He said that the reign of God was real and presiding over the earth such that anyone could choose to enter it and live by kingdom realities (choosing trust and surrender rather than fear and sin).

Some weeks later I apparently was having the same thought and wrote, 

”Jesus regularly told people, 'your faith has healed you.’  What if faith is also what is necessary to experience spiritual healing? Maybe if we were just as aware and desperate about our sin as Bartimaeus was about his blindness, and if we were willing to be persistent and socially unacceptable (even when rebuked) in our pursuit of healing, we might receive healing?  Not that we could reach perfection.  Bartimaeus’s sight surely maintained the limits common to human eyes.  But perhaps we might see real, noteworthy progress—the type of progress that causes those around us to praise the God who still honors faith today.”

Next note: 

“Life is like a river.”   

I remember this being a big and centering thought that I seemed to receive from God based on the issues I was dealing with in my mind on that day, but didn’t have time to fully flesh out in writing.  I think I was envisioning myself floating along in a large, steadily flowing river, accompanied by my family and regularly floating near other people in my vicinity, and regularly passing by / bumping into random debris, rocks, and floating logs.  The temptation is to focus solely on those people and situations right around us and forget that the river contains all of it, knows all of it, and continues to move us all along through it.  We can choose to fear the course of the river, or we can choose to move with it, watching for where it will go next, and adjusting ourselves accordingly, trusting that the river is worth floating in, and reaching out to help along those floating near us.

“In Him we live and move and have our being.” 

 

Next note is a quote from Tim Mackie from a Bible Project class, 

“What’s of value is the substance of what the words are about…” (speaking of scripture), “The words are a vehicle to communicate something that is real—SomeONE that’s real, and because the words are a vehicle, the wording as such is not an end in itself.” 

He was speaking about how New Testament authors often quoted the Old Testament in broken and switched around/combined ways rather than doing perfectly verbatim quotes the way our culture does (to avoid the dreaded evil of plagiarism).”  This stood out to me because of how I’ve been seeking to understand, in recent years, the mean of Jesus being “The Living Word,” and struggling with the feeling that we sometimes worship scripture over and above God Himself.  He inhabits His word, but I think, as Mackie points out, that He is the meaning intended through the words.  That is why Jesus, who lived out the intended meaning of the Old Testament can rightly be called the living word.  He is the meaning – the substance which inhabits scripture when scripture is engaged with in an open, honest pursuit of truth with the help of the Holy Spirit.  That, however, is probably not as common as we might think.  We much more often go to scripture with our own agenda, and miss the One who inhabits it.

 

That's all for now!  I shall muse on 😊 

I was Thinking about the Thief on the Cross...

Two Realities, Moments Apart—Both Experienced on a Cross

 

 

Reality One:

-       The criminal finds himself undergoing the worst shame imaginable, pinned naked to a Roman cross.

-       He knows that the agony and shame he feels are justly deserved. He has brought it on himself through his own rebellious actions (Luke 23:41). 

-       He has presumably lived a life of rebellion toward his Maker.  (When he asks the other criminal, “don’t you fear God?” he speaks of God as someone whose existence is indisputable in his mind, yet clearly he has not lived a life of obedience to Him).  He is likely reminded now, as he hangs on the cross, of some of those choices which brought him to this point.

-       His life (and death) seem to be a classic representation of Romans 1:18-32.  Although [he knew] God’s righteous decree that those who do [fill in the blank] deserve death, [he] continued to do those very things…”

-       As an object of God’s wrath (Romans 1:18), he not only suffers the physical agony of the natural consequences of his actions as well as the emotional agony of having his shamefulness exposed for all the world to see, but he also experiences the spiritual agony of his own life-long rejection of God and His good purposes.  

 

Then, everything changes. Miracle of miracles, it dawns on the criminal that the man crucified beside Him is the Son of God and that His crucifixion will in no way keep Him from “coming into His kingdom” (verse 42). HOPE enters the rebel’s consciousness, he blurts out His belief in Christ, and he asks the God-Man to remember Him.  Jesus, in one sentence, pronounces a whole new reality for the criminal.  “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.”

 

Reality Two:

-       Though the physical agony remains, his shame is gone.  The Son of God Himself has vouched for him before all those present, and all spiritual powers and dominions the world round.  It’s settled.

-       Now, instead of receiving each moment of pain as just punishment, every breath he takes, the criminal is renewed in his spirit and reassured of the glory that awaits him (2Cor 4:16-18; Luke 23:43).  

-       The circumstances which constituted God’s wrath only moments ago, are now transformed into God’s context for the criminal’s spiritual formation.  

-       The very cross which represented his damnation has become the vehicle which not only brought Him face to face with Love Himself, but which now facilitates his own spiritual offering of WORSHIP to God.  Indeed, as the criminal moment by moment accepts his suffering in submission to his King, God receives it as a holy sacrifice, beautiful in His sight. (Romans 12:1)

-       As the criminal surveys the scornful crowd, takes in the sounds of groaning and weeping, tastes his own blood, and breaths in the aroma of death, LOVE is birthed within his soul, and a world of possibility characterized by “all things new” takes his glass which was way more than half empty, and fills it to overflowing.    

 

I’m struck by the stark contrast between hope and hopelessness as represented in this criminal’s final hours.  He moved from a place of spiritual dying to one of spiritual renewal and life.  He whose very existence was branded a mistake, was clothed with the righteousness of Christ.  A life which seemed futile and purposeless was written into THE story of the ages.  

 

And it’s my story too.  I too have moved from dying to LIFE.  My suffering too has taken on immense significance, as God accepts my feeble, “Thy will be done,” and uses it to accomplish my great GOOD (Romans 5:3-4 & 8:28).  I too have been granted access into the life of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.  There is no more need for me to view life any other way.  I’ve been granted spiritual sight to see God in action, and extend hope of redemption into every corner of the world. 

 

I believe the criminal on the cross tasted eternal life as he continued to hang there awaiting the fulfillment of the promise.  Because salvation isn’t just for the future.

 

He has granted us new birth into a living hope... AND into an inheritance kept in heaven for us (1Peter 1:3-4).  He grants us both.

Though you have not seen Him you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls. (1Peter 1:8-9)

We know that we HAVE passed from death to life… (1John 3:14)

For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God’s abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness REIGN IN LIFE through the one man, Jesus Christ!  (Romans 5:17)  

Sabbath is a Taste of What We All Long For!

I’ve mostly been processing the Lord’s work in my heart in physical journals lately.  But I came upon a realization yesterday that needs a little more working out in writing than what I care to pen out.  I’ve been more intentional about sabbathing well the last few Sundays as a response to what the Lord’s graciously taught us at MTI.  I was convicted there that Sabbath is actually a commandment on par with “do not murder”, and therefore must be taken seriously.  I also realized that it’s actually a beautiful and delightful gift that the Father is so committed to OUR wellbeing that He COMMANDS us to rest and delight in His goodness, and He commits to provide for us in the absence of our labor that day.  And it comes EVERY WEEK!  It’s a time to enjoy the creative delights and contemplative joys He draws us to—things that do not produce or consume or check a box, but that reflect enjoyment of Him and His gifts.  It’s a whole day to spend time ENJOYING and REFRESHING. 

 

 

And yesterday as I was writing out how to apply MTW’s new POM to the Kingdom Foundations spiritual practices course, something struck me:

 

 

Sabbath is actually a taste of heaven’s goodness in the here and now!

 

 

And this ought to be one of our most compelling witnesses to those around us!  If we really sabbathed well, what a testimony that would be to our culture!!  People here are SO in need of rest and refresh.  Everyone is running around like anxious chickens with their heads cut off.  What if people saw all of God's children really practicing sabbath consistently? 

 

 

Sabbathing helps us understand the beauty of the gospel—the restorative, restful, creative, joyous revelry in Christ that is our present inheritance as His people.

  

Our King wants us to DELIGHT.   

 

He provides for us to experience a taste of heaven every 7 days—a time when we can tap into the creative interests and whims that most of our life doesn’t provide time for, but which heaven will amply afford. 

 

 

I often lament the way that I have so many interests and so little time to explore them.  If I had a hundred lives to live, I would be a painter, an actor, a musician, a dancer, a philosopher, a teacher, a missionary, a writer, a gardener, an inventor, an architect, an event planner, a photographer, a college professor, a poet, a guest house facilitator, an acrobat, a counselor, and so many other things too!  These are interest intentionally born in me by He Who made me which I, for the most part, won’t have time to explore on this earth.  BUT, every 7 days, He has ordained time to just enjoy Him and His gifts to me however I want to.  So, I have been painting and dabbling on the guitar, and swinging, and reading, and writing, and the day passes all too quickly, but what a refreshment it is! 

 

 

And I recognize that I’ve reached a stage of parenthood where this is easier than it was 2-3 years ago.  But I also think that for those who choose to faithfully obey the commandment, His promise to faithfully provide for it stands as well.  It will look different for each person in every stage, but rest and refresh is a priority He has for us, and faithful obedience is our part.  Providence is His. 

 

Step Into Your Authority!

One day, Christian, you will walk down the street and people will immediately feel great comfort and security as well as a little trepidation like when a cop drives through your neighborhood, or past you on the interstate.  Grow your prayer muscle, and let it be so now!

 

 

Eph. 2:6

Ezra

Our Sunday School teacher assigned to read the book of Ezra last week.  I continue to be floored by what I read there.  It felt like an affirmation of the life I’m finding myself caught up in—a life that I’m not sure I ever really chose.  I think my spirit has often said yes to it, but like a butterfly caught in a wind funnel I’m thrilled and unnerved all at once.  There is great beauty at the vertices and a sense of absolute rightness permeating throughout…. Yet the largeness of it gives one great pause.  This is life on the wings of Purpose and Power and Kindness Himself.

 

 

 

I find in Ezra a God who takes people up on their willingness to be used for greatness. 

A God who is pleased to do things that no one would ever expect

In people who should be His foe.

 

 

In Ezra I read of a God who stoops into our stomping grounds

And changes the rules of play,

Employing human frailty to make dreams become reality.

 

 

In Ezra I see a God who delights to surprise humanity with His attention to detail

And His prompt, never too-late solution for every predicament.

A God who loves to fashion unlikely joy.

 

 

Truly our God is a consuming fire, and the gravity of His kingdom is relentless.

To find yourself in His blueprint is to discover the longings of your heart.

And that alignment exists in the universe after all. 

West Side Story and Adam and Eve

Derek and I went to see the new West Side Story movie recently.  It made me think deeply about life and love and purpose and meaning.  It’s such a tragic story and betrays so well the way the human heart responds to extreme stimuli such as great love and great loss.  *Spoilers alert in case you don't know the story.

 

 

“Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad, for the tree is known by its fruit.” Matthew 12:33

 

 

The story seems to imply, in a subtle, below the surface type of way, that love and relationship is the chief fuel for life—the compelling reason to live.  When Tony thinks that Maria is dead, he no longer wants to live himself (I won’t get into the ridiculousness that he had only just met her the day before…. Elsa would have a thing or two to say).  And then the same thing happens to Maria after Tony dies in her arms.  In anger she lashes out against those who she sees as the culprits to His death, and she expresses a desire to also kill herself. 

 

 

This message springs not only from these two main characters, but also from the gang members.  These boys are presented as street urchins whose primary fuel for life is their participation in their group.  They do what they do for the sake of the group and demonstrate their loyalty to their group at great cost, seemingly considering morality, comfort, and life itself as less important than commitment to the group. 

 

 

It's interesting to me to think about this message, and how true it rings in my own human heart, because, of course, God DID create us for relationship, commitment, and loyalty.   We were created with a predisposition for all-consuming passion toward one compelling and completely worthy Entity.  And I think God created man, in the beginning, with not only the instinct for that, but also with full knowledge and experience of it in every sense possible.  Adam and Eve knew nothing of life fueled by anything other than passionate relationship with God.  Until the serpent subtly suggested that perhaps God was not worthy of that blind faith and affection.

 

 

Now, life MUST have purpose and meaning, and if that which provides these is removed (or rather, considered unworthy) a vacuum is created and something else springs forward to take its place.  Finding oneself in that vacuum is quite jarring and uncomfortable and, indeed, one cannot remain there for very long as life without purpose is in itself a contradiction.  (This transition period is what we call an existential crisis).

 

 

That simple suggestion put forward by the serpent must have rocked Adam and Eve to the core, as their conception of life shifted from one that made total sense and offered full security to one in which all bets were off and all of their previous assumptions about reality demanded re-examination. 

 

 

“If my fuel for life is potentially not worthy, then what am I doing here?  What am I for, if not Him?  Does life apart from Him exist?  If so, what makes it up?  If my own worth is not found in Him, then where?

 

 

When life makes no sense it’s hard to function at all.  The sudden need to run and hide and, were it possible, to STOP the succession of time comes over us, because existence without purpose and security is agony. 

 

 

So there was life as it was intended to be, life with perfect purpose and security—abundant life.  But the life of a human spirit, as Adam and Eve discovered, is a sacred thing which persists even when it is shifted into this inferior plane of existence--life fueled by something else.  And, of course, when one arrives at a place like Maria and Tony, even that inferior plane of reality no longer serves.  Having lost that fuel for life and finding no other, the desire to exist departs.  Life without purpose and security cannot be and we suddenly prefer death to the prospect of unending existence in that vacuum of purposelessness. 

 

 

Once humanity became aware of existence in that inferior plane, we could not un-know it.  And so even though we may give intellectual ascent to the original way of life—abundant life for and in God—our hearts cannot, as finite beings, get back to a 100% embrace of that reality.  In our guts we will always be aware of, tempted by, and sometimes enticed by other entities which sprang onto the alters of our hearts when that worship vacuum was created by the suggestion of God’s potential unworthiness.  Always, that is, until ultimate consummation when everything wrong becomes untrue.

 

 

And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”  And he said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment.  The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be my son.  Revelation 21:5-7

 

 

And so the Christian life is a soul’s pursuit of God, and pursuit of that original plane of existence fueled entirely by Him.  It begins with intellectual ascent that there is such a plane of existence—that He IS the ultimate fuel for life and perfect security.  And, even though the heart cannot yet fully embrace this reality, it proceeds in day to day choosing to live as though that it really does.  And ever so slowly, through immersion in truth and rejection of lies, we come to experience more and more of life as it was meant to be, and we feel less and less the allure of inferior ways of life—inferior objects of our affection.

 

 

 

Sing with me, 

 

 

Behold our God, seated on his throne
Come, let us adore him
Behold our king, nothing can compare
Come, let us adore him...

 

 

 and, 

 

 

Hallelujah! All I have is Christ
Hallelujah! Jesus is my life

 

Now, Lord, I would be Yours alone
And live so all might see
The strength to follow Your commands
Could never come from me
O Father, use my ransomed life
In any way You choose (O Father, use)
O Father, use my ransomed life
In any way You choose
And let my song forever be
My only boast is You

 

Hallelujah! All I have is Christ
Hallelujah! Jesus is my life 

 

 

Influence

Derek and I were at a dinner with fellow believers last night, and they graciously allowed me to mostly listen during the conversation (as is usually my preference in group settings).  I'm seeking to learn to delight in the people and exchanges around me and participate through silent prayerfullness when not vocally.  This role has helped me to rest in and accept the introverted nature bestowed on me by my Creator.

 

At one point the conversation drifted to discussing politics and the brokenness of our societies (both Peru and the US) and about how difficult it is for a Christian to rise to a position of influence politically or professionally.  As they discussed, I was thinking about how God calls us to reign with Him and have dominion--words which seem to imply great influence.

 

 

Revelation 5:10 – “and you have made them a kingdom and priests to our God,  and they shall reign on the earth.”

 

Daniel 7:27 – “And the kingdom and the dominion and the greatness of the kingdoms under the whole heaven shall be given to the people of the saints of the Most High His kingdom shall be an everlasting kingdom, and all dominions shall serve and obey him.”

 

Galatians 3:29 – “And if you are Christ's, then you are Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise.”

 

2 Timothy 2:12 – “If we endure, We shall also reign with Him.”

 

Hebrews 2:8 – “You have put all things in subjection under His feet." For in that He put all in subjection under him, He left nothing that is not put under him. But now we do not yet see all things put under him.”

 

Ephesians 2:5-6 – “even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus”

 

 

I wrestle to understand how much of this describes our present role versus our future role.  However if prayer is as powerful and consequential as I think it is, it alone constitutes a force at our disposal that is a lot like the power to reign.  Since Christ is already seated on the throne of heaven and doing His will in all the world, and since He has seated us with Him and handed us the authority to pray and thereby bring about His plans now, then in a mysterious, behind the scenes sort of way, we ARE reigning, or at least possessing the potential to reign, right now.

 

 

As Paul said in 1 Corinthians 4:8, “Already you have all you want! Already you have become rich! Without us you have become kings! And would that you did reign, so that we might share the rule with you!”

 

 

I think that we underestimate our potential influence in the here and now.  We see that the world doesn’t value what we have to say, but I wonder if spiritual beings in the world take much greater heed of us and our prayers of faith—perhaps even than we do. 

 

 

I think of Daniel and the incredible influence that he and his prayers had in an incredibly pagan setting.  And He was not someone who seems to have aspired to greatness personally.  He merely prayed 3 times a day and accepted the suffering which came to Him as from the Lord’s hand of mercy and grace.  He managed to keep his spiritual eyes open and watchful in the face of temporal anguish. 

 

 

Oh Lord, keep my spiritual eyes open.  Allow me to recognize the kingdom missions that you place before me daily and help me to have faith in the victory potential offered to me by Your authority.  Father, remove my fears of personal discomfort, injustice, weakness, and mismanagement.  Enable me to delight in the seat of royalty you’ve bestowed on me for the present time and grant me wisdom to embrace the ways in which you call me to reign in the world today.  Amen.

Reflecting On Our Years in Cusco

 

We’re just over a month away from completing our time in Cusco.  I’ve found myself reflecting a lot lately about how I’ve seen the Lord at work during these 6 years here—how He’s worked around us to grow His church in Cusco, and how He’s worked in my own heart to change and mold me.  I truly feel amazement and incredible gratitude for both.

 

 

How I’ve seen God Grow the Church Here

When we arrived in Cusco, our church, Fuente de Gracia, had just been planted and there was a small group of around 40 people—primarily missionary families and Peruvian young adults meeting for worship services and Bible study gatherings.  Everything was fairly missionary led at that point with some national participation on the worship team and hospitality set-up. 

 

Since that time, it has been a joy to watch the Lord grow the church both in number and in depth of commitment to the Lord and His people. 

-       The church has expanded to include 80+ people of all different ages and stages. 

-       Peruvian men and women have stepped into significant leadership roles, working together to develop vision and strategy for set-up, sermons, children’s ministry, youth ministry, small groups, Bible studies, fellowship events, and mercy ministry.

-       Passion for meeting together and praying together has grown significantly.

-       The church family has learned to care for one another through very trying times, reaching out to one another, praying for one another, and speaking scripture to one another.

 

Just this past year, in particular, it has been an incredible delight to watch the Lord lead individuals in church through times of great uncertainty and then, after a season of walking forward by faith, He has come through with perfect solutions and answers.  He’s provided jobs, homes, locations for the church to meet, physical healing, and relational restoration.  We’ve seen bonds form between brothers and sisters in Christ where there was previously tension.  We’ve watched husbands and wives die to self, putting the other first in reliance upon the Lord, and we’ve heard testimonies shared over and over again about God’s constant goodness and faithfulness through hardship. 

 

 

We have truly received a KINGDOM WHICH CANNOT BE SHAKEN (Heb. 12:28) and He is constantly adding to the GREAT MULTITUDE STANDING BEFORE HIS THRONE (Rev. 7:9-12) and INCREASING HIS GOVERNMENT over more and more people and places (Is. 9:7).

 

 

NOW TO THE KING ETERNAL, IMMORTAL, INVISIBLE, THE ONLY GOD, BE HONOR AND GLORY FOR EVER AND EVER.  AMEN!  (1Tim 1:17)

 

 

 

How I’ve Seen God Grow and Change Me

I’ve told friends that I feel like a completely different person today from who I was when I arrived in Peru in 2015.  I could write for ages about the things that I’ve learned and ways that I’ve changed, but most significantly:

 

My view of God has changed.  I now see and experience Him much more intimately.  He’s taught me to hear from Him in ways I never did before.  He’s shown Himself to be much more of the hero and plot mover in His kingdom story—even down to the smallest details—than I ever realized. 

 

My view of the gospel and God’s kingdom has changed.  I’ve learned to see the gospel as so much bigger and greater than mere salvation.  I’ve come to truly delight in the astonishing invitation to partnership and kingdom rule that God instituted at creation.  My understanding of the kingdom of God and its presence, power, and impact has increased exponentially.  That word—kingdom—has taken on a concrete, dynamic, and incredibly consequential concept for me. 

 

My view of myself has changed.  As the Lord has taught me to delight more deeply in Him, my fear and dependence on human approval have lessened, and I’ve grown in confidence of how the Lord could and does choose to use me.  And so, I now see myself as capable of much more through the Holy Spirit’s power.  On the other hand, I’ve seen God work most mightily during my times of greatest weakness and dependence, and so I’ve also come to see myself and my efforts as much less consequential—in and of myself.  I’ve seen my sin more deeply during these years and learned to wrestle more proactively for my own sanctification.  I’ve learned to see more greatly my need of the body of Christ for that purpose as well.

 

My understanding of the role of prayer has changed significantly.  That’s a whole other blog post, but suffice to say that when I say significantly, I mean SIGNIFICANTLY.

 

My view of missionary service and ministry in general has changed significantly.  I’ve done a LOT of thinking and wrestling through my own thoughts on this topic, and last year some of it culminated in my writing an 11-page Philosophy of Ministry paper that helped Derek and I to process a lot of experiences and thoughts from our time serving with MTW thus far.  That document, which expresses our current convictions and aspirations, can be viewed here. 

 

 

 

And for those who have read this far…. Thank YOU for your role in all of the above.  I’m so thankful for the body of Christ rallying around us and our efforts and propelling these changes for the kingdom these past years.

 

 

Maternal Labor, Swimming, and Heaven

Our home church in the US has just begun a sermon series on Heaven, and I’ve been excited to tune in virtually because it’s one of my favorite topics!  The first message in the series included an excerpt from Randy Alcorn’s book, "Heaven," about Florence Chadwick, who attempted to swim from Catalina Island to the coast of California, and after making it the vast majority of the way to shore, she gave up and climbed in a boat.  She later said, “All I could see was the fog…. I think if I could have seen the shore I would have made it.”  This story was used to talk about how important it is for us to set our eyes on the prize and keep from being overwhelmed with the discouraging circumstances of this world.  

 

 

The metaphor about Florence's experience of seeing only the fog made me think immediately of my experiences of being in labor before giving birth to Finn and Skye.  I’m sure many women who have attempted to labor naturally have had a similar experience of feeling overwhelmed by the ongoing pain and the inability to see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

 

 

There are several verses in the Bible which actually compare our wait on this earth for the next one to a pregnant woman's labor before childbirth.

 

“When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world.” John 16:21

 

 “For many will come in My name saying ‘I am the Christ,’ and they will lead many astray.  And you will hear of wars and rumors of wars.  See that you are not alarmed, for this must take place, but the end is not yet.  For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom, there will be famines and earthquakes in various places.  All these are but the beginning of the birth pains.” Matthew 24:5-8

 

 “For you yourselves are fully aware that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night.  While people are saying, ‘There is peace and security,’ then sudden destruction will come upon them as labor pains come upon a pregnant woman, and they will not escape.” 1 Thessalonians 5:2-3

 

 “For we know that the whole of creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now.” Revelation 8:22

 

 

In both of my pregnancies I have been blessed to be able to attempt an unmedicated childbirth, and both experiences were incredibly striking experiences (in a good way, thankfully!)  After waiting for 9 months in near constant discomfort (which makes it feel like much more than 9 months), there was a beautiful freedom and victory in being able to put a pause on all other responsibilities and activities and focus entirely on receiving and enduring the last of the pain that the pregnancy would throw at me. 

 

 

I remember from my labor experience with Skye, that as the pain increased and the breaks between contractions became fewer and farther between, it was still possible to gracefully receive and endure as long as I could focus all of my attention on doing so.  The real difficulty arose when the triage nurses came at me with monitors, needles, and a bed on which they insisted I lie still (no offense to the nurses who I'm sure were doing their job well!).  Facing all of these distractions and expectations in the midst of incredible pain caused me to lose sight of my progress and think only of the present pain. 

 

 

All other senses began to lose their acuity, and all my mind could think of was pain.  I no longer saw or heard the people around me (though I think they were attempting to offer help and support).  My experience of reality slowly shifted into one of mere survival.  Like Florence Chadwick looking all around her and seeing only fog, my experience of the present eclipsed all reason.  In reality, I had already made it around 18 hours--nine tenths of the way through my labor, and yet I caved and requested the epidural. Amid the constant procedural hoops to jump through, the pain had literally become all consuming.

 

 

Most mothers in the world, both today and throughout time, have not had the epidural option as I have, and as such, are forced to push through to the finish line.  Here in Peru, anesthesia of that caliber is not offered except for cesarean section deliveries.  It strikes me that this is somewhat of a universal experience which God has likely ordained, among other reasons, to point us toward spiritual truth.  So why does the Bible repeatedly use maternal labor as a metaphor for our journey toward eternity on this earth?  There are several parallels that I see.

 

 

Eyes on the Prize

In the Christian life, it is absolutely essential that we keep our eyes focused on the prize, and do not cave to the whims of temporal setbacks or the expectations of others which would call us to live as though the present is all that there is. 

 

 “… One thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.  Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you.  Only let us hold true to what we have attained.”  Philippians 3:13-14

 

 “Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize?  So run that you may obtain it.  Every athlete exercises self-control in all things.  They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable.  So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air.  But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.” 1 Corinthians 9:24-27

 

 “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:1-2

 

 

Acceptance of Struggle

Just as we know that labor pains are actually good and necessary steps toward the delivery of a healthy child into the world, we have to believe that the suffering which God allows and even ordains for His children on this earth is good and necessary for propelling us toward glory.

 

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”  James 1:2-4

 

“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”  Romans 5:3-5

 

“Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”  Romans 8:17-18

 

 

Living in the Already but Not Yet

Just as a laboring mother has to balance her longings for future joy and relief with the present need to persevere in caring for herself and her unborn child, believers are called to walk in the light of two very true and weighty realities.  Losing sight of either our present calling or our future goal will have unfortunate consequences for our sanctification and participation in the kingdom.

 

“As it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death.  For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.  If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell.  I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better.  But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account.” Philippians 1:20-24

 

“Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” 1 Peter 1:13

 

“Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.” 1 Corinthians 15:58

 

 

Equipped for the Journey

As a mother begins to labor, it is immensely helpful for her to be equipped with correct expectations.  She must recognize that pain and struggle is to be expected, but likewise that times of rest and relief are also to be expected.  The Christian life is the same.  We must pace ourselves and not only accept the struggle, but look for and savor the times of joy and victory.

 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:28-29

 

“Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”  Mark 6:31

 

“In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety.” Psalm 4:8

 

 

 

A Strong Support Team

A laboring mother needs people around her to reassure her when she’s discouraged, remind her of truth when she can’t see it, and physically be near her to offer aid and remind her that she’s not alone. Similarly, each member of Christ’s body needs the help and encouragement of the other members because there will be times of feeling alone, of believing the devil’s lies, and of feeling completely discouraged.  The Christian life is meant to be lived in community.

 

“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” Hebrews 10:24-25

 

“But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.” Hebrews 3:13

 

“If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.” 1 Corinthians 12:26

 

 

 

The Hour Unknown

Just as mothers never know how long their labor will last, we are called to walk in faith toward the unknown hour of Christ’s joyous return.  We may be assured that the day will come.

 

 “But concerning that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son,  but the Father only…  Therefore, stay awake, for you do not know on what day your Lord is coming.  But know this, that if the master of the house had known in what part of the night the thief was coming, he would have stayed awake and would not have let his house be broken into.  Therefore you also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect.”  Matthew 24:36, 42-44

 

“For you yourselves are fully aware that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night.” 1 Thessalonians 5:2

 

“He said to them, “It is not for you to know times or seasons that the Father has fixed by His own authority.” Acts 1:7