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Have you ever found yourself leaving church, or a Bible study time, or a visit with friends feeling defeated and worthless because of condemning thoughts in your mind?
“You’re so awkward in groups.”
“No one wanted to speak to you.”
“No one really understands you.”
“Everyone else enjoys one another so much, but you are always left out.”
“Your contribution to the group is unnecessary at best.”
“You never explain yourself well when you speak.”
“You talk too much.”
“If you would just stay quiet at least you wouldn’t offend or confuse anyone.”
“Introverts like you just don’t benefit all that much from these gatherings.”
These are the types of thoughts that have plagued me throughout my life—particularly around my peers in church settings. I used to think it was just because of how introverted and shy I was. I thought I was too self-centered and needed to stop thinking about my own feelings so much. Or sometimes I thought that I just needed to try harder at being outgoing and friendly to others.
I knew that the answer wasn’t to stop meeting with other believers because of verses like Hebrews 10:25
Let us not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
So I have always pursued growth in community, and even helped other women to do the same, inviting, encouraging, and leading Bible studies. But quite often after leaving the gathering I would experience an onslaught of condemning thoughts like those above. I would feel like running away and hiding in a dark place for a long time so that no one could see me.
Then a couple of weeks ago, after experiencing a particularly difficult episode of this the Lord placed 1 John 3:19-20 and Colossians 3:12-15 before me.
By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before Him: for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and He knows everything. 1 John 3:19-20
Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. Colossians 3:12-15
And I knew that God was pointing out to me that CONDEMNATION from the enemy is what I was experiencing. If I go to a social gathering with other people and seek to LOVE them through my actions and words, then the peace of Christ is His gift to my heart. On the contrary, the enemy always seeks to accuse and condemn and pull God’s children away from each other.
There is now therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1
Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say: “Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Messiah. For the accuser of our brothers and sisters, who accuses them before our God day and night, has been hurled down. Revelation 12:10
You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. John 8:44
We have a very real enemy with cunning strategies for accomplishing His wicked purposes in the world.
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:12
It seems to me that the enemy would love for the children of God to assume that their brothers and sisters in Christ do not like them, do not want to speak to them, are confused by them, are unsure how to interact with them, like the others more than them, would never follow them or want to be led by them, etc. He would love to convince us to:
- Remain distant from others at church
- Stay away from Bible studies and small group gatherings
- Remain passive/quiet at those meetings
- Stay in a follower role rather than leading in any way.
- Take offense from one another and stop going to meetings.
But what does Jesus say to us? What does our LOVING Father say?
- come into the light (John 3:21)
- do not give up meeting together (Heb 10:25)
- You belong (John 8:35)
- Allow others to bear your burdens (Gal 6:2)
- Receive healing in community (James 5:16)
- Be redeemed into the fold and eagerly do good once again. (Titus 2:1)
- Reject slavery to sin and run toward freedom (Galatians 5:1)
- I have swept away your offenses like a cloud. (Isaiah 44:22)
- Repent, turn, and experience REFRESHMENT from Christ (Acts 3:19-21)
- Be restored in gentleness. (Galatians 6:1)
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18
God never sends His children into a dark and fearful place of shame and hiding. Those are among the pains and sufferings that Jesus took upon Himself on the cross for us.
He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like One from whom people hide their faces He was despised, and we held Him in low esteem. Surely He took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered Him punished by God, stricken by Him, and afflicted. Isaiah 53:3-4
So I have started sharing this struggle with others in my life, having their prayerful help in defeating it, and preaching truth to myself whenever I sense those condemning thoughts surfacing. And so far this defense strategy has had amazingly successful results. I’ve been able to walk confidently into social engagements with my brothers and sisters, experience rest from anxiety in their presence, and walk away knowing that I am loved and wanted and even needed by my brothers and sisters in Christ—not to mention DEEPLY LOVED and WANTED by my Heavenly Father.
Have you experienced spiritual battles in your mind like this?
