Questioning, a Spiritual Practice

I find that as I have more and more experienced God in a personal 2-way relationship, the more safety I feel to question things about the theology I have been taught.  In the past I think there was always a subconscious fear that if I asked certain questions, or raised certain inconsistencies, it might leave me on shaky ground where I no longer knew what I believed or truly belonged to my religious group.  When my faith was chiefly resting on the doctrines that I aligned myself with, those doctrines were my security blanket.  However as I come to know God as a relational personality with whom I can interact and dialogue, and who is willing to engage with me in that way as often as I pursue it, then that relationship becomes a much firmer security for me.   

The more that I interact with Him the more I find the parts of my doctrine which truly feel like good news to be true and actively functioning in the world and in my experience.  On the other hand, the parts of that doctrine which do not feel like good news, I find I am safe to question—not out of suspicion that part of God’s word may be untrue, but out of acknowledgement that I am not yet fully understanding it.  I KNOW God, and so as I read about His movements in the different contexts of world history, I am not afraid to find that He may have been someone else.  I’m confident in who He is.  Seeking to understand how He has shown Himself throughout time is not a dangerous endeavor, but rather it is a treasure hunt.  The more I discover, the more lovely He becomes, and the richer my relationship with Him.

 

The hour is coming when I will no longer speak to you in figures of speech but will tell you plainly about the Father.  In that day you will ask in My name, and I do not say to you that I will ask the Father on your behalf; for the Father Himself loves you, because you have loved Me and have believed that I came from God. John 16:25-27

I made known to them Who You are, and I will continue to make It known, that the love with which You have loved Me may be in them, and I in them.” John 17:26

On Hearing God

 A spouse, with a timely glance toward an attentive lover, can wordlessly communicate via lines of shared neural pathways.  God, however, has no need of the optical component.  His glance, rather, I experience as a sudden recognition or reminder of truth which He has previously enabled me to know.

I was Thinking about the Thief on the Cross...

Two Realities, Moments Apart—Both Experienced on a Cross

 

 

Reality One:

-       The criminal finds himself undergoing the worst shame imaginable, pinned naked to a Roman cross.

-       He knows that the agony and shame he feels are justly deserved. He has brought it on himself through his own rebellious actions (Luke 23:41). 

-       He has presumably lived a life of rebellion toward his Maker.  (When he asks the other criminal, “don’t you fear God?” he speaks of God as someone whose existence is indisputable in his mind, yet clearly he has not lived a life of obedience to Him).  He is likely reminded now, as he hangs on the cross, of some of those choices which brought him to this point.

-       His life (and death) seem to be a classic representation of Romans 1:18-32.  Although [he knew] God’s righteous decree that those who do [fill in the blank] deserve death, [he] continued to do those very things…”

-       As an object of God’s wrath (Romans 1:18), he not only suffers the physical agony of the natural consequences of his actions as well as the emotional agony of having his shamefulness exposed for all the world to see, but he also experiences the spiritual agony of his own life-long rejection of God and His good purposes.  

 

Then, everything changes. Miracle of miracles, it dawns on the criminal that the man crucified beside Him is the Son of God and that His crucifixion will in no way keep Him from “coming into His kingdom” (verse 42). HOPE enters the rebel’s consciousness, he blurts out His belief in Christ, and he asks the God-Man to remember Him.  Jesus, in one sentence, pronounces a whole new reality for the criminal.  “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.”

 

Reality Two:

-       Though the physical agony remains, his shame is gone.  The Son of God Himself has vouched for him before all those present, and all spiritual powers and dominions the world round.  It’s settled.

-       Now, instead of receiving each moment of pain as just punishment, every breath he takes, the criminal is renewed in his spirit and reassured of the glory that awaits him (2Cor 4:16-18; Luke 23:43).  

-       The circumstances which constituted God’s wrath only moments ago, are now transformed into God’s context for the criminal’s spiritual formation.  

-       The very cross which represented his damnation has become the vehicle which not only brought Him face to face with Love Himself, but which now facilitates his own spiritual offering of WORSHIP to God.  Indeed, as the criminal moment by moment accepts his suffering in submission to his King, God receives it as a holy sacrifice, beautiful in His sight. (Romans 12:1)

-       As the criminal surveys the scornful crowd, takes in the sounds of groaning and weeping, tastes his own blood, and breaths in the aroma of death, LOVE is birthed within his soul, and a world of possibility characterized by “all things new” takes his glass which was way more than half empty, and fills it to overflowing.    

 

I’m struck by the stark contrast between hope and hopelessness as represented in this criminal’s final hours.  He moved from a place of spiritual dying to one of spiritual renewal and life.  He whose very existence was branded a mistake, was clothed with the righteousness of Christ.  A life which seemed futile and purposeless was written into THE story of the ages.  

 

And it’s my story too.  I too have moved from dying to LIFE.  My suffering too has taken on immense significance, as God accepts my feeble, “Thy will be done,” and uses it to accomplish my great GOOD (Romans 5:3-4 & 8:28).  I too have been granted access into the life of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.  There is no more need for me to view life any other way.  I’ve been granted spiritual sight to see God in action, and extend hope of redemption into every corner of the world. 

 

I believe the criminal on the cross tasted eternal life as he continued to hang there awaiting the fulfillment of the promise.  Because salvation isn’t just for the future.

 

He has granted us new birth into a living hope... AND into an inheritance kept in heaven for us (1Peter 1:3-4).  He grants us both.

Though you have not seen Him you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls. (1Peter 1:8-9)

We know that we HAVE passed from death to life… (1John 3:14)

For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God’s abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness REIGN IN LIFE through the one man, Jesus Christ!  (Romans 5:17)  

Every Moment of Agony Matters

If you ever think you might be feeling God’s compassion for you, rest assured that the only way in which your perceptions could possibly be askew in that regard, is by sensing His compassion too feebly.  Remember that a mother’s unconditional love for her infant child is but a vague representation of the love it was created to model for us.

For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face.  Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. 1 Corinthians 13:12

 

I am convinced that when we find ourselves railing against an affliction that God has allowed, asking “why?” we may rest assured that our feelings fully justify that question.  For if our present perception of the affliction were reflective of the whole of reality, I believe He would never allow it (see Isaiah 55:8-13). 

But, though He cause grief, He will have compassion according to the abundance of His steadfast love; for He does not afflict from His heart or grieve the children of men. Lamentations 3:32-33

 

And He is deeply compassionate toward us while we wrestle in our limited perspective.  When Jesus wept with Mary, moments before He resurrected her brother from the grave, He demonstrated the fact that THAT moment of anguish mattered to Him. 

To our God, as One who dwells outside of time, and wills each moment into existence (Heb 1:3), yet Who also chooses to dwell within each moment beside us, every individual moment matters heavily—regardless of which moment will transpire next.  So Christ chose to weep with Mary in those few moments of grief and bewilderment.  His awareness of the rejoicing that was about to ensue at Lazarus’s resurrection did not keep Him from complete presence, understanding and sharing in the agony with those who mourned just moments before. 

Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw Him, she fell at his feet, saying to Him, “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died.”  When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, He was deeply moved in His spirit and greatly troubled. And He said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to Him, “Lord, come and see.”  Jesus wept.  John 11:32-35

We may rest assured that He chooses to be present with us and share in our agony with us as we grieve as well—despite the great rejoicing which He knows awaits us shortly.  In fact, I believe He feels our agony more keenly than we do.

Life in a fallen world teaches us from infancy to construct walls of defense that will shield us from the pain life brings our way.  We distance ourselves relationally to keep from melting when we receive uncaring looks.  We discover how to distract ourselves from pain and seek to convince ourselves of our own imperviousness to insult.  Yet our Saviors faces our griefs head-on without those barriers.  He absorbs them in their entirety, with His heart of complete openness and innocence—and every single moment matters to Him.

Surely, He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed Him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. Isaiah 53:4

Why To Ask "Why?"

 Recently I felt overwhelmed by some different burdens.  I sense great need, but worry about resistance to change and the work of improvement.

So, in response to some things I am learning from Dallas Willard's "Renovation of the Heart," I asked the Lord, "Father, is this overwhelm a feeling I should reject?  And what would I replace it with?"

My immediate answer:

When communicating with someone about a proposed change, I can set the tone by saying that I am thankful for the opportunity to try to help, and for their collaboration.  This way I remind myself that I am just a helper, and I remind my contact that I am just seeking to be a helper.  Pressure diffused. (--Exhale--)

Isn't it lovely how He addressed not just my question, but my immediate next practical step?  He knows how to provide the fullest answers.

So the answer to my struggle is this.  I have not been handed any great weight or responsibility.  God shoulders all of that.  I am a helper who gets to help alongside other helpers.  Each day of helping is a gift and an individual act of worship to my King.  The outcomes are all in His hands, for He directs our modes of worship.

I find that I uncover the most wonderful secrets only after first having walked through some perplexity and being driven to ask my Father, "why?"  Unsurprisingly, to wrestle with the absence of an understanding before gaining it seems to be far superior to receiving a teaching without that sense of need for it.  So I find myself encouraged to observe my own struggles, small and great, and go to my Father about them.  To endure hardship without question may signify endurance and patience, but to grow in relationship with the Father and in rulership with Christ, I think, Is even better.