God-Sightings at Church

A couple weeks ago I had the privilege of attending a half-day prayer retreat with the leadership of our church.  One of the opening activities was an exercise in which everyone contributed short statements of praise and thanksgiving to God for ways they had seen Him at work in our church recently.  Afterward, I felt like there was SO much more to say (and I'm sure that more would have been said had there been more time allotted for the activity).  Since then, I’ve wanted to put words to what I see God doing among our little family of disciples.

Since returning from Peru two years ago, I have witnessed so much spiritual growth and movement of the Spirit at our church.  I feel like I've had a unique glimpse of it too, having recently arrived after a long time away. 

I see our church growing in prayer initiatives on the part of our leaders, and in boldness to jump into prayer and try new ways of prayer on the part of lay people—trends which speak loudly of the Holy Spirit’s work among us.

-       Leaders are gathering for prayer each Sunday before worship.

-       Ladies in Bible study are becoming bold to pray out loud in response to the things they are learning and articulating their own affection for God and His work in their lives even in a large-group setting.

-       Several regular prayer meetings are happening among different women--meetings which were completely initiated by those women as a result of the Spirit's prodding on their hearts.

-       Our church recently hosted an all-day prayer room for world missions and many people signed up and came and prayed together, and many fasted.

-       Quite a few leaders gathered for prayer before sending a team to India.

-       Our leaders recently gathered for a half day of prayer together.

-       I see evidence that several who have not felt strong in prayer are pursuing it in new ways and willing to jump into prayer activities that would have previously have been uncomfortable to them.

 

I’ve noticed new levels of vulnerability demonstrated in our people.  People are more and more willing to share the Word's impact in their own lives, and learning to share not only their weakness but their delight in the growth God is providing.  I believe this is becoming one of our church’s greatest strengths.  

-       Leaders regularly share from their heart quite honestly about how a call to confession convicted them, as they lead on Sunday mornings.

-       At women’s Bible studies women are sharing more personally in their comments and also in their prayers.

-       In Sunday School people are weekly expressing their own particular struggles, desires for growth, experiences with the Lord, etc.

-       A new men’s group began meeting weekly for accountability, mutual sharpening, and prayer.

-       Several women have been willing to share testimonies of their own spiritual journey publicly in Bible study announcements and missions announcements.

-       Quite a few adults and recently some youth have been sharing the works of God in their lives in Middle School and Youth meetings.

-       People are impromptu sharing ways that the Sunday sermon and Sunday School lessons are striking a chord with them and causing them to meditate mid-week.

 

I see people becoming comfortable with the idea that God INTERACTS with His people to this day, providing timely direction, encouragement, and circumstances in response to our pursuit of Him.  I even see people becoming expectant to hear about those sorts of God-sightings in each other’s lives.

-       People are beginning to ask each other informally about how they’ve seen God at work or what He’s been teaching them.

-       People are texting each other mid-week about ways God has shown up in their lives.

-       Even long-time Christians are becoming bold enough to ask questions about how they can experience God in new ways.

 

I see people humbly stepping into new leadership roles in the church.

-       Several new couples are volunteering to lead at different times in the Middle school ministry.

-       New volunteers are helping with local community outreach ministries.

-       New people are stepping into leadership of the missions committee.

-       God provided two new staff members with a real heart for youth ministry.

-       God recently called both a new elder and a new deacon into ministry.

-       A new women’s ministry leader has stepped into leadership as well as a returning one.

-       I see new people volunteering in Children’s ministry.

-       There are also other things in the works which I won't mention, but suffice to say that God is prodding still others toward new levels of involvement and leadership in the near future.

 

I see people eagerly responding in practical ways to the teaching they receive at church.

-       When there is an opportunity to physically respond in a worship service, MANY do so—even though it’s a practice outside our norm.

-       When asked to share how they applied last week’s Sunday School lesson, several share personal testimonies to that effect.

-       When resources for spiritual growth are shared, there are always people who hunt down those resources and even talk them up to others.

 

I see relationships at church going deep.  As people grow in boldness to pray out loud, share from their heart in group settings, ask genuine questions, and try out new things, they become more and more known and cherished by the others around them.  This, in and of itself, yields additional intercession and spiritual growth mid-week, because as we know each other more deeply, we are moved to pray for one another more often, and to spur one another on in the faith more regularly.

 

What a delight it's been to watch the Lord at work these past two years at our home church, and to partake in the growth with them!  And to see very specific answers to requests that I (along with many others) have been presenting before the Lord for our congregation, is such a joyous privilege.  

He is truly ON THE MOVE.

 

Questioning, a Spiritual Practice

I find that as I have more and more experienced God in a personal 2-way relationship, the more safety I feel to question things about the theology I have been taught.  In the past I think there was always a subconscious fear that if I asked certain questions, or raised certain inconsistencies, it might leave me on shaky ground where I no longer knew what I believed or truly belonged to my religious group.  When my faith was chiefly resting on the doctrines that I aligned myself with, those doctrines were my security blanket.  However as I come to know God as a relational personality with whom I can interact and dialogue, and who is willing to engage with me in that way as often as I pursue it, then that relationship becomes a much firmer security for me.   

The more that I interact with Him the more I find the parts of my doctrine which truly feel like good news to be true and actively functioning in the world and in my experience.  On the other hand, the parts of that doctrine which do not feel like good news, I find I am safe to question—not out of suspicion that part of God’s word may be untrue, but out of acknowledgement that I am not yet fully understanding it.  I KNOW God, and so as I read about His movements in the different contexts of world history, I am not afraid to find that He may have been someone else.  I’m confident in who He is.  Seeking to understand how He has shown Himself throughout time is not a dangerous endeavor, but rather it is a treasure hunt.  The more I discover, the more lovely He becomes, and the richer my relationship with Him.

 

The hour is coming when I will no longer speak to you in figures of speech but will tell you plainly about the Father.  In that day you will ask in My name, and I do not say to you that I will ask the Father on your behalf; for the Father Himself loves you, because you have loved Me and have believed that I came from God. John 16:25-27

I made known to them Who You are, and I will continue to make It known, that the love with which You have loved Me may be in them, and I in them.” John 17:26

On Hearing God

 A spouse, with a timely glance toward an attentive lover, can wordlessly communicate via lines of shared neural pathways.  God, however, has no need of the optical component.  His glance, rather, I experience as a sudden recognition or reminder of truth which He has previously enabled me to know.

Why To Ask "Why?"

 Recently I felt overwhelmed by some different burdens.  I sense great need, but worry about resistance to change and the work of improvement.

So, in response to some things I am learning from Dallas Willard's "Renovation of the Heart," I asked the Lord, "Father, is this overwhelm a feeling I should reject?  And what would I replace it with?"

My immediate answer:

When communicating with someone about a proposed change, I can set the tone by saying that I am thankful for the opportunity to try to help, and for their collaboration.  This way I remind myself that I am just a helper, and I remind my contact that I am just seeking to be a helper.  Pressure diffused. (--Exhale--)

Isn't it lovely how He addressed not just my question, but my immediate next practical step?  He knows how to provide the fullest answers.

So the answer to my struggle is this.  I have not been handed any great weight or responsibility.  God shoulders all of that.  I am a helper who gets to help alongside other helpers.  Each day of helping is a gift and an individual act of worship to my King.  The outcomes are all in His hands, for He directs our modes of worship.

I find that I uncover the most wonderful secrets only after first having walked through some perplexity and being driven to ask my Father, "why?"  Unsurprisingly, to wrestle with the absence of an understanding before gaining it seems to be far superior to receiving a teaching without that sense of need for it.  So I find myself encouraged to observe my own struggles, small and great, and go to my Father about them.  To endure hardship without question may signify endurance and patience, but to grow in relationship with the Father and in rulership with Christ, I think, Is even better.

My Top 5 Books Read in 2022

 I am not what I would call an avid reader.  I read very slowly through a handful of books each year, and return regularly to old books.  But I'm seeking to be better about sharing the good things that I gain with those who God has placed in my sphere of influence.  Toward that end, I felt led to write up some of my key take-aways from my most impactful reads this year.  Here you go!

 

1.     Hearing God by Dallas Willard

a.     Abiding in God means regular, 2-way conversation.  It means friendship with Him—a relationship much broader than that of an authority figure and his underling.

b.    Understanding how to expect God to speak to you is important because otherwise you’ll either have a complete lack of confidence about it or be completely misdirected.

c.     We must think of ourselves as capable of having the same kinds of experiences as did Paul, Barnabas, or Elijah—not because of any merit of ours, but because we have the same God they did and it’s all Him.

d.    Although blind faith is not to be despised (far from it!), abstract belief in doctrines of God’s presence and power are not enough to sustain ongoing spiritual growth.  We invited to “reign in life through Jesus Christ” (Rom 5:17).  This has to involve much more than ascent to doctrine.

e.     God can use forced circumstances to move us along in His will if He must, but He would much prefer to converse with us and draw us lovingly into seeing His way of things (Psalm 32:8-9)

f.      There are certainly dangers to encouraging people to hear from God, as people can certainly go off the deep end, but disaster may also come from going off the shallow end, so “what must be done pastorally is to lead people into an understanding of the voice of God and how it works in their lives.”

 

2.     The Life of A.B. Simpson by A.E. Thompson

a.     “The true attitude of the consecrated heart is one of a constant yielding and constant receiving.”

b.    Prayer is “the hand of the child touching the arm of the Father and moving the wheels of the universe”

c.     “Jesus is not only the pattern, but the source of our life, and it is the business of the Holy Spirit, day by day, and moment by moment, to transfer His qualities into our life.  Do we need patience?  We just draw it from Him through the Holy Spirit.  Do we need power?  We take a deeper draught of His fullness and He becomes our power.  Do we need love?  We draw a little nearer to Christ the Loving One, and through the Holy Spirit His love is shed abroad in our hearts…. So the deeper Christian life becomes as simple as the life of a babe, as instinctive as breathing; as high and lofty in its standard of righteousness as the very holiness of Diety.  It is at once transcendently great, and yet delightfully easy.”

d.    Consecration, seeing our low estate, dedicating all of it to Him, and intentionally looking to Him for everything as our modus operandum, is the prerequisite for God to blossom the life of Christ within us.

 

3.     Renovation of the Heart by Dallas Willard

a.     The spiritual life is the most significant one.  All other aspects of the human experience both draw from it and flow into it, and spiritual formation is what life is all about.

b.    Spiritual passivity is one of our greatest dangers as children of God.  Just as the promised land had to be congquered and won by the children of God, we too must take hold of that which is offered to us.

c.     “knowing” in the Bible refers not to what we would call “head knowledge,” but to interactive relationship—to actually engagement with what is known.  So, knowing about God and giving ascent to the correct doctrines is not enough.  We must pursue interactive relationship with Him.

d.    “Wanting God to be God is very different from wanting God to help me.” 

e.     “One should seriously inquire if to live in a world permeated with God and the knowledge of God is something they themselves truly desire.”

f.      If you want to grow spiritually there are actual steps you can take toward that end.  Simply desiring to grow and continuing to do the same things that have not produced growth in the past is likely not the best course of action.

g.     Feelings play a super important role in our spiritual life.  We often let them rule our spiritual reality, but we must not allow this.  Feelings must be made to serve and promote the spiritual truths we believe.  We may start by feeling a strong revulsion toward the wrong feelings and taking steps to avoid those, and then speaking truth to ourselves about the feelings which the Holy Spirit would impart to us:  love, joy, peace, hope, contentment, etc.

 

4.     The Wounded Healer by Henri Nouwen

a.     One who would lead a hungry soul toward living water does well to understand and articulate descriptively His own journey toward finding that water.  This applies not just to initial acceptance of the truth, but of growing in spiritual formation as well.  People need help understanding what their actual barriers to spiritual growth are, and they need to come to understand it through the lens of a living story.

b.    One who would lead a hungry soul toward living water must embody compassion above and beyond their understanding and wisdom.  Compassion must be the vehicle of good news.

c.     One who would lead a hungry soul toward living water must have eyes to search for and discover where, among the brokenness and off-putting exteriors of our culture, are the seeds of hunger and desire that have been planted by our Heavenly Father.

 

5.     Renovation of the Church by Kent Carlson and Mike Lueken

This was a super-engaging true narrative about what happened when “a seeker church discovers spiritual formation.”  I really appreciated hearing how the Lord got ahold of two pastors, changed their entire vision for their church, and led them toward pursuing a church that was more about quality than quantity.  They were refreshingly honest about the highs and lows of the process, and helpfully descriptive about the things large and small things they did in their church to start nurturing spiritual formation and growth rather than mere surface level engagement with the church.  The book is not so much a how-to as a case study offered for the benefit of church leaders who like them would seek to embrace the idea that apprenticeship to Jesus is not optional for believers, but rather the very thing that churches ought to be helping people practice.

On the outcome of their “one thing groups” initiative in which each member of their various small groups intentionally pursued growth in one area with the encouragement, prayer, and spurring on of others in their group:

“Many found that this process of identifying an area needing growth—and then purposefully attending to it—jump-started their journey of spiritual formation.  As people gained clarity on where God wanted to move in them, they began orienting their lives around a handful of formational practices and experiences that would invite God’s transforming power:  They started practicing unceasing prayer.  They memorized scripture.  They spent time in solitude.  People confessed, prayed, and shared the journey with one another…. Spiritual formation wasn’t a theory anymore.  People knew what they could ‘do.’”

 

Up Next...

At the moment I'm continuing to marinate in Renovation of the Heart (I've actually only made it a little over half way through it because it's so meaty), beginning to find some REALLY refreshing good news in "Jesus the King" by Tim Keller, and looking forward to diving into "The Other Half of Church," which has a podcast that I've already found incredibly impactful, so I'm confident that the book will be awesome as well.

Spanish Blog: Condemnation

  *Click here to read the story behind my Spanish Blog 

Have you ever found yourself leaving church, or a Bible study time, or a visit with friends feeling defeated and worthless because of condemning thoughts in your mind?

 

“You’re so awkward in groups.”

 

“No one wanted to speak to you.”

 

“No one really understands you.”

 

“Everyone else enjoys one another so much, but you are always left out.”

 

“Your contribution to the group is unnecessary at best.”

 

“You never explain yourself well when you speak.”

 

“You talk too much.”

 

“If you would just stay quiet at least you wouldn’t offend or confuse anyone.”

 

“Introverts like you just don’t benefit all that much from these gatherings.”

 

 

 

These are the types of thoughts that have plagued me throughout my life—particularly around my peers in church settings.  I used to think it was just because of how introverted and shy I was.  I thought I was too self-centered and needed to stop thinking about my own feelings so much.  Or sometimes I thought that I just needed to try harder at being outgoing and friendly to others.

 

 

I knew that the answer wasn’t to stop meeting with other believers because of verses like Hebrews 10:25

 

 

Let us not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

 

 

So I have always pursued growth in community, and even helped other women to do the same, inviting, encouraging, and leading Bible studies.    But quite often after leaving the gathering I would experience an onslaught of condemning thoughts like those above.  I would feel like running away and hiding in a dark place for a long time so that no one could see me.

 

 

Then a couple of weeks ago, after experiencing a particularly difficult episode of this the Lord placed 1 John 3:19-20 and Colossians 3:12-15 before me.

 

By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before Him: for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and He knows everything. 1 John 3:19-20

 

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.  And above all these put on love which binds everything together in perfect harmony.  And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body.  Colossians 3:12-15

 

 

And I knew that God was pointing out to me that CONDEMNATION from the enemy is what I was experiencing.  If I go to a social gathering with other people and seek to LOVE them through my actions and words, then the peace of Christ is His gift to my heart.  On the contrary, the enemy always seeks to accuse and condemn and pull God’s children away from each other.

 

There is now therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1

 

Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say: “Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Messiah. For the accuser of our brothers and sisters, who accuses them before our God day and night, has been hurled down. Revelation 12:10

 

You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. John 8:44

 

 

We have a very real enemy with cunning strategies for accomplishing His wicked purposes in the world.

 

 

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  Ephesians 6:12

 

 

It seems to me that the enemy would love for the children of God to assume that their brothers and sisters in Christ do not like them, do not want to speak to them, are confused by them, are unsure how to interact with them, like the others more than them, would never follow them or want to be led by them, etc.  He would love to convince us to:

-       Remain distant from others at church

-       Stay away from Bible studies and small group gatherings

-       Remain passive/quiet at those meetings

-       Stay in a follower role rather than leading in any way.

-       Take offense from one another and stop going to meetings.

 

But what does Jesus say to us?  What does our LOVING Father say?

 

-       come into the light (John 3:21)

-       do not give up meeting together (Heb 10:25)

-       You belong (John 8:35)

-       Allow others to bear your burdens (Gal 6:2)

-       Receive healing in community (James 5:16)

-       Be redeemed into the fold and eagerly do good once again. (Titus 2:1)

-       Reject slavery to sin and run toward freedom (Galatians 5:1)

-       I have swept away your offenses like a cloud.  (Isaiah 44:22)

-       Repent, turn, and experience REFRESHMENT from Christ (Acts 3:19-21)

-       Be restored in gentleness. (Galatians 6:1)

 

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.  Matthew 11:28-30

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18

 

God never sends His children into a dark and fearful place of shame and hiding.  Those are among the pains and sufferings that Jesus took upon Himself on the cross for us.

 

He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.  Like One from whom people hide their faces He was despised, and we held Him in low esteem.  Surely He took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered Him punished by God, stricken by Him, and afflicted. Isaiah 53:3-4

 

So I have started sharing this struggle with others in my life, having their prayerful help in defeating it, and preaching truth to myself whenever I sense those condemning thoughts surfacing.  And so far this defense strategy has had amazingly successful results.  I’ve been able to walk confidently into social engagements with my brothers and sisters, experience rest from anxiety in their presence, and walk away knowing that I am loved and wanted and even needed by my brothers and sisters in Christ—not to mention DEEPLY LOVED and WANTED by my Heavenly Father.

 

 

Have you experienced spiritual battles in your mind like this?

 

 

 

 

 

Sharing Our Journey With the Lord in 2022 (Thus Far)

I found myself alone on my closet floor sobbing and crying out to God.  It felt like promises were at risk of not being true.  My faith being tried like few times before.  Passages my mind had absorbed through a lifetime of studying the scriptures flashed before my mind:

 

“I have been young, and now am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken or his children begging for bread.  He is ever lending generously, and his children become a blessing.”  Psalm 37:25-26 

 

“But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?...   But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”  Matthew 6:30 &33

 

“for those who honor Me I will honor,” 2 Samuel 2:30

 

“The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous and His ears toward their cry.” Psalm 34:15

 

“Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore He exalts Himself to show mercy to you.  For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for Him.” Isaiah 30:18

 

 

In the morning, I felt led to look back at my notes from my times with the Lord over the past six months, a practice I have regularly found the Lord uses to speak truth fitting to my particular moment of need.  These things stood out:

 

From a February entry:

“Individuals who are disciples and friends of Jesus who have learned to work shoulder to shoulder with their Lord stand in this world as a point of contact between heaven and earth…. The disciple stands as an envoy or a receiver by which the kingdom of God is conveyed into every quarter of human affairs.”  (Hearing God by Dallas Willard p. 191)

 

From my devotional time recently:

“But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.  For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.”  2 Corinthians 12:9-10  

 

and the notion that Paul spelled out a lot of his weaknesses and hardships to the Christian world of His day and ours.  He did not shy away from casting Himself not only on God but on the body of Christ for His spiritual and physical sustenance. 

 

This is so counter to our US culture which values independence, autonomy, self-sufficiency, and avoidance of struggle, but perhaps it’s part of God’s plan for the body of Christ?

 

From my prayer time with dear friends last week:

“The best thing that we have to offer is our relationship with God”

 

From January:

God IS communication—constant expression.  Communication is always spiritual with spiritual ramifications.

 

From a text message I received from a dear sister last week:

“Context matters…. We cannot isolate a text…. Tracing the flow of thought between chapters and paragraphs is important for understanding individual verses”

 

 

 

If God IS communication—constant expression—then context matters not only in the Bible, but in my life as well.  As I ponder God’s narrative for my life at this point and time, I think I must consider not only my own wants, needs, and experience, but my impact on my context and their impact on me.  I am part of a collective body—a spiritual organism meant to feel and grow and move as one.  My narrative is not mine alone.  This too is completely counter-cultural in America today.

 

 

I keep thinking about the testimonies of God’s providence that I have read about from Hudson Taylor and George Müller.  And I wonder if one of the reasons God allows His children to come so close to tasting lack of provision is for the sake of provoking the world to watch and observe and marvel with us at His provision.  Like a call to attention—perhaps for those in the current context or perhaps for a future audience (people like me reading Christian biographies).

 

 

So many saints have been urged forward in their walk with the Lord through the testimonies of these men who unabashedly opened their lives of weakness, poverty, and terrestrial foolishness to the watching world.

 

 

Transparency is something I’ve pondered at great length through different seasons of my walk with the Lord.  I used to think that greater transparency would involve prideful boasting in my own victories.  In recent years, however, I’ve come to see that there is often greater pride at play in withholding of my journey with the Lord than in revealing it.  I am what I am thanks to the merciful work of the Lord in my life.  If I keep some of my journey to myself, it must only be out of love for those who might stumble because of my words.

 

 

And so… in response to what seems to be the Lord’s clear leading, I am pulling back the curtain on our wilderness wanderings of late.  May it edify, inform, encourage, unify, and spur on the body of Christ.

 

 

 

A Dream is Born

When Derek and I moved to Peru in 2015 we were delighted to begin a lifetime of missionary service with our King for the growth of His kingdom around the world.  We didn’t know how things would go and we knew there would be difficulties along the way, but God had affirmed our calling over and over again.  We continue to be immensely grateful for the six years that He gave us to build up the body of Christ in Peru.  But when He made it clear to us a little over a year ago that our time in Peru was ending it came as a disorienting surprise.  We never expected this kind of shift in direction.

 

 

Letting Go of the Dream

That realization did not come easily.  I BEGGED God to change circumstances, change people, change me, anything for the sake of continuing the work that I had seen Him doing through us and our teammates in Cusco for years.  I walked the streets of Cusco with hands held out to the Lord, weeping as I worshiped, rebuked the enemy, interceded for the church in Cusco, and implored God to intervene and bring about my dream for the city.  And yet, His gentle, authoritative answer was not one of acquiescence, but rather reassurance that He was with me and would continue to be with me whatever comes.  This was when I started to let the dream die.

 

 

For a couple months we prayed and sought the Lord, and received advise from wise counselors, and waited.  We sought to be considerate and caring in the way we shared the news of our transition with others, and especially to be intentional in our relationships in Cusco, as our days were now limited.  And the Lord blessed.  We felt more and more affirmed and hopeful and encouraged about the church in Cusco and their ability to carry on without us.  All the while I wondered if any day God might present us with a job offer somewhere else, a clear direction for our future enabling us to rest secure in His provision for 2022.  This didn’t happen, however.

 

 

Seeking a New Dream

We found ourselves thinking about the passions and longings that God had placed on our hearts for the US church in the past couple of years.  As we wondered about what God was calling us to next, we sought to “listen to our lives,” as Frederick Buechner prescribes, for clues as to the narrative God was unfolding.

 

 

Our time in Peru had grown our own love for the Lord and passion for His kingdom, and born in us a longing to share that passion with others.  We had truly delighted in our opportunities to share these things with various US churches virtually during 2020, and we sensed a growing love and burden for the US church in our own hearts.  Additionally, working with missionaries around the world to develop onboarding training for MTW missionaries had made us increasingly burdened by the need for discipleship and spiritual formation in the US church.  So many missionary teams expressed a discouragement about missionaries arriving on their fields without robust spiritual habits to sustain them and never having been truly discipled themselves.

 

 

A quote by Dallas Willard, which I only recently came across, describes well the burden growing in our hearts for spiritual formation in the US church,

 

The primary mission field for the great commission today is made up of the churches in Europe and North America.  That is where the great disparity is most visible, and from where it threatens to spread to the rest of the world…  The greatest issue facing the world today, with all its heart-breaking needs, is whether those who, by profession or culture, are identified as ‘Christian’ will become disciples—students, apprentices, practitioners—of Jesus Christ, steadily learning from Him how to live the life of the Kingdom of the Heavens into every corner of human existence.

 

 

In addition to this increasing burden for spiritual formation in the US church, Derek sensed a growing longing for more training in Biblical knowledge and ministry.  His love for church ministry had only deepened during our time in Peru while His sense of preparedness to lead and preach and teach had diminished.  He had been enjoying long-distance seminary courses for some time, but he dreamed of attending classes in-person with other students and professors who could spur Him on in his growth.

 

 

A Provisional Direction

A friend encouraged us to think about taking a role with MTW in the US for a season while Derek attended seminary.  We talked with MTW’s mobilization department about our desire to invest in the US church, raise prayer for missions, and strengthen the bridge between the global mission field and the body of Christ in the US, and a job description was drawn up.  We weren’t sure exactly how that job would look, whether it would be a good fit long-term, or whether our supporters would choose to continue partnering with us in this new calling, but for the moment it seemed like a clear leading of the Lord.

 

 

As much as our hearts clamored for clarity regarding our future, we sought to be present and laser-focused on our present.  If we were going to exit well, our friends and ministry partners needed us to love them tenderly through our transition.  Shifting out thoughts toward making plans for our next steps could easily absorb much of our time and attention compromising our potential impact during our final days and months with the people of Cusco.  So, we laid our future in God’s hands. 

 

 

Dear friends of ours shared their prayer that our transition would be characterized by backing our way out of the field with our eyes fully on the people of Cusco, and trusting the Lord to catch us on the other end when we finally arrived in the US.  This became our plan, though we wrestled weekly with the desire for clarity and assurance regarding our future.  Would our supporters continue to partner with us in the US?  Would we be able to manage seminary, homeschooling, mobilization ministry, the high cost of living in the United States, and the rapid pace of life there?  Would the Lord provide vehicles?  A home? Income? Community for us and our children? 

 

 

A Long Transition

In many ways our move back to the US felt like an even bigger step of faith than our move to Peru had been six years earlier.  And settling our family in the US has certainly proved to be much rockier for us than settling in Peru was.  

 

 

Our family went from living our entire lives within about a 2-mile radius in Cusco and hardly ever entered a vehicle to traveling constantly around the US (Christmas travel, then travel for mission conferences, then work travel, not to mention the commute time that one has to calculate into their schedule on a daily basis just for basic grocery shopping and whatnot).  Because of our conviction to focus all of our attention in Cusco while we were there, when we arrived in the US we had to immediately turn our attention to basic necessities here—phones, vehicles, doctor appointments, housing, schooling for the kids (even homeschoolers have requirements in the US), Christmas presents and activities (we arrived in December), …the to-do list felt endless and daunting. 

 

 

We felt like the Lord was calling us to put down some roots in Birmingham, and so we immediately began looking for a home to purchase.  The early months of 2022 for us were characterized largely by house showings, putting together church presentations, writing seminary papers, and homeschooling during the weekdays, and then speaking at various missions conferences and receiving house rejection notices on the weekends.  Almost every week we made a house offer and prayed that maybe this house would be the one that would allow our family to finally settle and find some normalcy.  We had hoped to be settled somewhere by the time our mobilization job began in April.  But that was not Gods’ plan. 

 

 

The Lord’s Kindness

He did provide for us, however.  I think I tucked my children into bed in 10+ different beds in the first few months of our transition, but they always had a bed.  Now that we finally have a home Skye still doesn’t quite understand and continues to express great surprise every time we go anywhere in the car and then return to the SAME HOUSE.  “This house again??” she says, “I like this house.”

 

 

As stressful and unsettling as our initial months in the US were, the Lord was kind to send us regular reminders of His tenderness toward us.

-       In February we found out that our shipping container from Peru would be significantly more expensive than the quote we had been given in Peru.  Within 24 hours of discovering this news, however, we received an unexpected sizeable tax return which was almost the exact amount that we now needed for the container fees.

-       He held off our shipping container from Peru for months beyond when we expected it to arrive so that it did not arrive until the week that we were able to move into a missionary house with plenty of space to house it.  Had it arrived just a week earlier, we would have had no place to house our things.

-       Right when I was hitting a low-place the Lord provided a completely paid-for couples getaway for Derek and I to the beach.

-       When we returned from the beach the children started asking when they could go to the beach.  We told them that we really couldn’t afford a family beach trip, but within the week a work trip to Panama City Beach popped up and so the kids and I were able to go to the beach for a couple days while Derek did mobilization work in town.

-       Right at the last possible moment when our missionary house availability came to a close, the Lord provided a house for us to call our own.  A week later and we would have signed for a rental assuming that was God’s plan for the time being.  Clearly He had set apart this house in McCalla for us!

-       Aside from Livingroom sofas and a dining table we had no furniture whatsoever for our new house, but the Lord has provided abundantly for our needs from the most unexpected places.  People have given us beds, night stands, desks, dressers, mirrors, wall art, chairs, a printer, a grill, a lawn mower…. And when we moved into the house we discovered that the previous owners had left us a small treasure trove of tools and gardening supplies.  In addition various people and churches have repeatedly surprised us with financial gifts to help us settle in our house. 

 

 

Where We Find Ourselves Now

Truly, the Lord’s kindness to our family has been overwhelming.  He’s provided for our needs every step of the way.  And yet, since our return to the US our financial support has steadily dropped, and last month we saw a significant decrease in giving toward our support account.  When we accepted this position with MTW, we recognized that if the Lord wanted us to do it, He would have to provide for us, and if the support didn’t come in, that would be a clear sign that He had other plans for us.  It seems that we have reached that place.  We don’t know if we will have sufficient income next month, and we aren’t sure if we should pursue a different means of income.

 

 

Additionally, all of our constant travel the past 6 months has been unsettling for our family and made it difficult to gain a healthy rhythm of life.  We have felt scattered and disconnected, and we long to be able to set our focus in one place and go deep with a narrower community of people.  We haven’t lost our passion for global missions and the desire to raise up strong senders and goers, but we’re weary.

 

 

Next month we had planned to do a week of missionary debriefing at Mission Training International in Colorado, a program that helps missionary families process their time on the field, and tend to their personal well-being after transition back home.  We felt confident that this would be a needed step for our family, and so plane tickets were purchased and the initial deposit was made months ago.  However, we now find ourselves unable to pay the balance due to attend the program.

 

 

Our Plea

So, we are doing what saints throughout time have done when they found themselves between a rock and a hard place.  We’re crying out to God for provision and direction, and we’re offering our journey before the body of Christ, inviting you to walk with us and seek the Lord with us..  We declare with the desperate man in Mark 9:24, “I believe!  Help my unbelief!”    We believe He will make a way for our family and be faithful to His promises to never leave or forsake us, and we pray for faith to humbly trust our Father in this season.  Would you pray with us?