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Shortly after my eighteenth birthday I moved into a dormitory at a Christian college about a 3-hour drive from my parent’s home. The school had arranged a roommate for me, and I was so excited. I had been looking forward to this for a long time, praying fervently that my roommate and I would become fast friends. I was determined to be the best roommate I could be- sensitive, caring, and constant in prayer for her. I was desperate for someone whom I could really share my heart with and come to know on a deeper level.
Things didn’t work out like I had hoped, however. After moving in with my roommate we quickly discovered that we were very different people with different social habits and needs. I tried to be kind and caring, but by the midterm break I was miserable and incredibly lonely. I felt hurt in some ways by my roommate, but I didn’t know what to do about it. I didn’t want to talk about the situation to anyone else because I thought that would be gossip and wrong. I tried to bear up under the struggle and place it in God’s hands, but while I was home for Fall break I broke down in tears and my parents found out about the struggle.
My parents encouraged me to have a talk with my roommate about the way I felt, and then seek a different living situation. I followed their advice. My conversation with my roommate was one of the hardest I’d ever had in my life. I naturally run from conflict, and yet as my parents had pointed out, loving another person sometimes means being honest with them when you are hurt.
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.” Matthew 18:15
I realize now that there are some circumstances in which it is not safe or wise for an individual to confront someone who has wronged them alone like that, however between brothers in Christ the Lord often uses conflict to grow His children both in relationship with Him and with each other. I learned a lot about relationships during my time in college. The Lord granted me wonderful, dear friends who would encourage me and spur me on in my walk with the Lord, and He also provided challenging relationships which brought me to my knees before the Lord, growing in me a greater dependence on Him. Through it all He was always a faithful Father and Friend to me Himself.
After that first difficult relationship with my roommate I recalled the conflict I had worked through with Molly five years earlier, and I realized that in many ways God had used that conflict to prepare me for this one. In fact, I can now look back and see that not only did God prepare me to walk through that trial with my roommate, but He also used it to prepare me for future trials that He would bring my way.
God never brings a challenge to His child for which He has not adequately prepared them.
“His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us to His own glory and excellence.” 2 Peter 1:3
“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
To this day conflict is a thing that I would love to avoid at all costs. Yet I have learned that true peace often comes only by facing conflict in love and honesty. Jesus Christ Himself demonstrated a commitment to walk into conflict over and over again for the sake of pursuing righteousness, and so with Christ we must be willing to walk through the conflict He leads us to—putting on Christ as we go, and allowing His love to define us as we speak and as we listen.
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