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During my last couple of years of high school I experienced some loneliness. I worked hard on my schoolwork to earn good grades so that I could get a college scholarship, and I worked a part-time job at a grocery store to save up money for a car. My sister and I did share one sweet friend, with whom we often spent time, but I longed for a friend who was just mine—someone who understood me and whom I didn’t have to share with anyone else.
I felt like I didn’t fit in with the other young people who I interacted with at school, work, or church very well. Most of the girls seemed more interested in talking about boys and the latest pop stars than about the things they were learning, or the types of fun that I enjoyed.
Many in my situation would have sought out a boyfriend to fill the void, but I was convicted that this was likely not what God had for me at the time. I had always been taught that the purpose of dating someone should be to discover whether God was calling me to marry that person, and as a high school student I was certainly not ready to think about marriage yet. Also, I had never met a boy who seemed like someone the Lord would lead me to marry.
I had always shared a bedroom with my sister, and given the size of our family (I had 4 younger siblings at this time), solitude was not always easy to find in our home, so I often sought it outside on a swing set behind our house. I had gotten a CD player for my 15th birthday, and I often brought it outside and listened to worship music while I imagined heaven. I longed for heaven because it seemed like the ultimate answer to my loneliness. I knew that no earthly friend or husband would ever be able to fully satisfy my desire for companionship, because I was designed to long for God and He alone could fill the void completely.
“As for me, I will see Your face in righteousness; I shall be satisfied when I awake in Your likeness.” Psalm 17:15
I’ve come to see loneliness as one of God’s greatest tools for nudging us toward Him. I believe He is jealous for me and desired that I throw myself into relationship with Him, and so He was willing to allow me some discontentment for the sake of advancing my journey toward finding Him to be a faithful and ever-present friend.
A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24
I have continued to struggle with loneliness on and off again as an adult. Honestly, I think all humans do. Because we were created to live fully as spiritual beings in intimacy with the greatest of spiritual beings—our Creator God—and yet sin constantly works to convince us that fulfillment is possible—and easier—through human relationships, possessions, success, etc. We run after these things so hard because we long SO DESPERATELY to be fully known and fully valued.
“To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.” - Tim Keller
So when I struggle with loneliness, I know that my first response should be to seek quality time with God. Then, resting in His full love and approval, I can take steps of faith toward relationship with my brothers and sisters in Christ. Alongside my spiritual family, we make up a spiritual organism that grows and thrives best together--through constant interaction and mutual pursuit of our Father God.
“From whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.” Ephesians 4:16
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