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Have you ever felt like you are wearing an invisible mask and no one really sees the real you? I realize that today, in 2021, we are all wearing masks due to COVID. But what I am referring to is putting up a front so that people will see only what you want them to see in your personality.
During my second year of college I came to the realization, one day, that I was presenting the world with a version of myself that wasn’t completely honest.
How did I arrive at this realization?
The Lord used two good friends in my life. One of these friends was willing to confront me and ask me difficult questions about myself. She expressed to me that she wanted to know me—the real me—but that it felt like I wasn’t willing to be real and vulnerable with her. This was a very challenging and surprising message for me to receive. It shook me a bit. I had never had a friend before who was willing to poke that much at my personality. The other friend who the Lord used was available right at the time when I needed someone to process these things. She listened, encouraged, and walked with me through my need for growth. I’m thankful to the Lord for both of these friends and the way that He used them to help me see myself more objectively.
What was I trying to hide?
I think that as I had grown up in the church and been taught to exemplify Christ in my interactions with people, I learned, over time, that it was important to appear “good” to others. I wanted not only to be liked and approved of, but I wanted the people in my life to have no reason to doubt my virtue. The problem with this was that I was a fallen, sinful human just like everyone else in the world, and keeping that part of me hidden had created a barrier between me and other people. I was allowing the world to see the person that I wanted to be and not the person that I really was.
This was a complicated concept for me to discover, because on the one hand, we are called to put on the characteristics of Christ.
“…put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.” Ephesians 4:22-24
On the other hand, however, the way that God has decided to grow us to become more like His son is through being honest with each other about our struggles.
“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” James 5:16
Now, I don’t think the Lord expects us to share our struggles and sins with everyone in the world. I think it takes discernment and faith to discover the people whom God has provided in your life to walk with you in your own growth and mortification of sin. And of course we will not be able to find these people if we are not putting ourselves in community with a family of believers.
Occasionally the Lord may send you someone like my bold friend who pursues your heart relentlessly, but more often He will simply put a deep longing in your heart to be known. And when that longing burns within you, you will ask the Lord your Father to provide you with a community. And you may be tempted to stop there, but the prayer of faith is one which is followed by action, so by faith we must risk being hurt by other people and ask for the privilege of being genuine—of removing the mask and being honest about struggles.
Of course making a move like that is quite scary the first time you do it. It certainly was for me. But the promises of scripture assure us that we can trust God to protect and care for us even in moments of great vulnerability.
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
"Be strong and courageous ... The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:7-8
This was somewhat a turning point for me relationally. Both of my friends were very patient with me and they taught me a lot through their good examples of friendship and their gentle boldness in drawing me out. I continue to journey with the Lord in navigating how to be honest and vulnerable in relationships. I do think that overall it has gotten much easier over time. Though I’ve also continued to experience the effects of the fall in relationships as well. Sometimes I fail others and sometimes they fail me. But praise be to God, He never fails us and always works on us to make us more and more like His perfect son.
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