Spanish Blog: Running In The Fog

 *Click here to read the story behind my Spanish Blog 

This morning it was quite foggy up on the mountain where I went for my run with the Lord.  My mind was also foggy.  I feel so childish and unsure about so many things these days.  When I was a child at least the path before me felt clear.  Obey the parents, get good grades in school, be helpful with my siblings, and enjoy free time with friends.  The minutia of daily life activities was either handled by my parents or open to my own whims.  I miss the simplicity and confidence I enjoyed then. 

 

So I cried out to my Father, “Speak to me God!  I need to hear Your guiding and reassuring voice.” 

 

And as I ran into the mist, He flooded my mind with an authoritative, peace-generating impression—characteristics that I have come to associate with His voice.  “Everyone in the world runs in the fog like you do, Laura.  I am the only One who sees clearly into the future.  Let Me be the One who guides us.”

 

 

“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” Proverbs 16:9

 

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you. Be not like a horse or a mule, without understanding, which must be curbed with bit and bridle, or it will not stay near you.  Many are the sorrows of the wicked, but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord.” Psalm 32:8-10

West Side Story and Adam and Eve

Derek and I went to see the new West Side Story movie recently.  It made me think deeply about life and love and purpose and meaning.  It’s such a tragic story and betrays so well the way the human heart responds to extreme stimuli such as great love and great loss.  *Spoilers alert in case you don't know the story.

 

 

“Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad, for the tree is known by its fruit.” Matthew 12:33

 

 

The story seems to imply, in a subtle, below the surface type of way, that love and relationship is the chief fuel for life—the compelling reason to live.  When Tony thinks that Maria is dead, he no longer wants to live himself (I won’t get into the ridiculousness that he had only just met her the day before…. Elsa would have a thing or two to say).  And then the same thing happens to Maria after Tony dies in her arms.  In anger she lashes out against those who she sees as the culprits to His death, and she expresses a desire to also kill herself. 

 

 

This message springs not only from these two main characters, but also from the gang members.  These boys are presented as street urchins whose primary fuel for life is their participation in their group.  They do what they do for the sake of the group and demonstrate their loyalty to their group at great cost, seemingly considering morality, comfort, and life itself as less important than commitment to the group. 

 

 

It's interesting to me to think about this message, and how true it rings in my own human heart, because, of course, God DID create us for relationship, commitment, and loyalty.   We were created with a predisposition for all-consuming passion toward one compelling and completely worthy Entity.  And I think God created man, in the beginning, with not only the instinct for that, but also with full knowledge and experience of it in every sense possible.  Adam and Eve knew nothing of life fueled by anything other than passionate relationship with God.  Until the serpent subtly suggested that perhaps God was not worthy of that blind faith and affection.

 

 

Now, life MUST have purpose and meaning, and if that which provides these is removed (or rather, considered unworthy) a vacuum is created and something else springs forward to take its place.  Finding oneself in that vacuum is quite jarring and uncomfortable and, indeed, one cannot remain there for very long as life without purpose is in itself a contradiction.  (This transition period is what we call an existential crisis).

 

 

That simple suggestion put forward by the serpent must have rocked Adam and Eve to the core, as their conception of life shifted from one that made total sense and offered full security to one in which all bets were off and all of their previous assumptions about reality demanded re-examination. 

 

 

“If my fuel for life is potentially not worthy, then what am I doing here?  What am I for, if not Him?  Does life apart from Him exist?  If so, what makes it up?  If my own worth is not found in Him, then where?

 

 

When life makes no sense it’s hard to function at all.  The sudden need to run and hide and, were it possible, to STOP the succession of time comes over us, because existence without purpose and security is agony. 

 

 

So there was life as it was intended to be, life with perfect purpose and security—abundant life.  But the life of a human spirit, as Adam and Eve discovered, is a sacred thing which persists even when it is shifted into this inferior plane of existence--life fueled by something else.  And, of course, when one arrives at a place like Maria and Tony, even that inferior plane of reality no longer serves.  Having lost that fuel for life and finding no other, the desire to exist departs.  Life without purpose and security cannot be and we suddenly prefer death to the prospect of unending existence in that vacuum of purposelessness. 

 

 

Once humanity became aware of existence in that inferior plane, we could not un-know it.  And so even though we may give intellectual ascent to the original way of life—abundant life for and in God—our hearts cannot, as finite beings, get back to a 100% embrace of that reality.  In our guts we will always be aware of, tempted by, and sometimes enticed by other entities which sprang onto the alters of our hearts when that worship vacuum was created by the suggestion of God’s potential unworthiness.  Always, that is, until ultimate consummation when everything wrong becomes untrue.

 

 

And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”  And he said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment.  The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be my son.  Revelation 21:5-7

 

 

And so the Christian life is a soul’s pursuit of God, and pursuit of that original plane of existence fueled entirely by Him.  It begins with intellectual ascent that there is such a plane of existence—that He IS the ultimate fuel for life and perfect security.  And, even though the heart cannot yet fully embrace this reality, it proceeds in day to day choosing to live as though that it really does.  And ever so slowly, through immersion in truth and rejection of lies, we come to experience more and more of life as it was meant to be, and we feel less and less the allure of inferior ways of life—inferior objects of our affection.

 

 

 

Sing with me, 

 

 

Behold our God, seated on his throne
Come, let us adore him
Behold our king, nothing can compare
Come, let us adore him...

 

 

 and, 

 

 

Hallelujah! All I have is Christ
Hallelujah! Jesus is my life

 

Now, Lord, I would be Yours alone
And live so all might see
The strength to follow Your commands
Could never come from me
O Father, use my ransomed life
In any way You choose (O Father, use)
O Father, use my ransomed life
In any way You choose
And let my song forever be
My only boast is You

 

Hallelujah! All I have is Christ
Hallelujah! Jesus is my life 

 

 

Spanish Blog: Letting Go of a Friend

 *Click here to read the story behind my Spanish Blog

You have taken from me my closest friends and have made me repulsive to them.  I am confined and cannot escape; my eyes are dim with grief.  I call to you, O LORD, every day;  I spread out my hands to you. - Psalm 88:8-9

 Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart.  The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away.  May the name of the LORD be praised.  - Job 1:21

During my summer in Paraguay, one of the things besides prolonged periods in the word and prayer that kept me encouraged and motivated to persevere, was the ability to pour my heart out in letters to a few very dear friends back home.  These letters would stay tucked in my suitcase until the end of the summer, at which point I could hand them to their recipients in person.  However anticipation of that day kept me writing them.  I wrote in detail about my struggles, joys, and the things I was learning about both God and myself.  I put a little of myself into each of these letters, for in reality, they were a big part of my emotional sustenance during those 9 weeks away from home.

 

One such friend, who I disclosed a bigger portion of my heart to in letters, was *Evy.  Evy had become my very best friend during my previous year at college.  She, more than anyone in my life, had taught me the importance of willing vulnerability in friendship.  As a result I had shared more of my heart with her than with anyone else ever.  So during my time in Paraguay, not only did I unleash my deepest thoughts to her in letters, but I thought about her often, wondering what God was doing in her life at the moment, and praying for her faithfully.  As often as I had opportunity I would send e-mails to her either with excerpts from the lengthy hand-written letters I was composing to her, or just conveying words of encouragement as well as inquiring about how she was and how I could more specifically pray for her.

 

Now I knew that Evy was not the best at correspondence, so it did not surprise me when I did not hear back from her right away.  I did not mind.  As encouraging as a letter or e-mail in response would have been, I was content to trust that she had received mine, and would respond in time.  I continued to write to her just as devotedly as ever. 

 

I did not hear a single thing from Evy, however, until when, during my final week in Paraguay, I received a short e-mail that she had written to both another friend and myself, apologizing for not having written earlier, but explaining what a busy summer it had been for her.  She assured us that she was doing well and glad to hear how great our summers had been thus far.  And that was it - no attempt at a response to anything I had told her, or even a hint that she would give one.  I did not let it get me down, though.  I was determined to love her unconditionally and continue to be the best friend I could be despite her lack of reciprocation in communicating with me.

 

I returned to the states, and shortly thereafter called Evy on her cell phone.  I got her voicemail, so I left a message, saying that I was back in the states and anxious to catch up with her and hear about her summer.  Over the course of the next week or two I tried calling again once or twice, and finally one day I got a hold of her.  We talked briefly, and she told me about some things she’d spent her summer doing.  She also asked how my summer had been.  I don’t know how I answered that question, for I could tell she was looking for a one or maybe two-minute response.  In the back of my mind I wondered why she didn’t already have some sense of how my summer was (because of all the e-mails I had sent) or at least pretend to have a clue.  But she didn’t, and so I told her that it was both good and very hard and way too big of an experience to sum up in less than 10 hours.  She chuckled at that and then said that she would look forward to hearing more about it, and I assured her I couldn’t wait to tell her.  Then the conversation ended. 

 

I was somewhat perplexed at the shallowness of the conversation.  Now I was beginning to wonder how our friendship would look in the coming semester.  I was still optimistic, though – and very determined to remain a true and unconditional friend, no matter what happened.

 

Within a couple weeks after that conversation it was time for me to move back to college.  I arrived alone in my car, and as I was making trips from my car to my dorm room on the 3^rd floor, carrying all of my belongings for the coming school year, I ran into Evy.  She smiled kindly and said it was good to see me, and that she was happy I was there but she had to run.  So I said hi and bye and watched her continue down the hall only to run into another friend of hers who she promptly embraced eagerly expressing great excitement at seeing her again.  With a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach I told myself not to compare, not to question why I had not received an equally warm welcome.  This girl had likely been here for Evy all summer while I was out of the country.  Changes in friendship was inevitable, and that was a price I needed to be willing to pay for the life changing experience I had had in Paraguay. 

 

Over the next semester I often sought Evy out, expressing a deep interest in her, how her summer had been, and how she was currently.  I did a lot of listening, and only then volunteered information about my time in Paraguay, longing for an understanding look, a word of encouragement or interest, but I received this only on a very shallow scale.  I sought repeatedly to be a friend to her by going to her room and hanging out, taking her out to dinner, offering back massages, and anything else I could think of to show her how much I wanted to be her friend like before.  

 

However not once did she seek me out.  Never did she come by my room except when her job as residence assistant on the hall required that she check the tidiness of each room.  During one of these mandatory visits she mentioned to me that she was going to make a point of getting together with me in the coming week.  I was thrilled at the thought of this, however careful not to get my hopes up, for indeed my reserve turned out to be well merited.  The semester finished out and I never saw evidence of an attempt to follow through with the proposed date.  

 

This was, in effect, the last straw.  I was hurt.  Towards the end of the semester I had cried often, wondering what I had done to deserve such a cold shoulder. Still determined to love unconditionally, I could not bring myself to be mad at her.  I still wanted the best for her, however after a semester of hurt and confusion, I decided that for my own sanity and well-being, I needed to stop trying.  I would always be there for her should she seek me out, but to continue seeking her out would only cause me to hurt more.   

 

Evy had been an amazing friend, and God had used her mightily in my life, but now He was using her to teach me how to let go.  He was also giving me a very small understanding of the love He extends to mankind.  How, I wondered, could He ever express such a boundless and unconditional love to creatures so unfailingly unreceptive and even rebellious?  Love as great as this was certainly worth any measure that would make it more clearly seen.  God was yet again exercising His infinite knowledge of who I am to show me more of whom He is and thereby causing me to fall deeper in love with Him.

 

*Evy's name has been changed for confidentiality 

MOVING: Part 1

Our move back to the US from Peru is feeling really real now.  I’ve been selling off a lot of our things for the past month via a private facebook group that I created.  It has worked really well.  It’s been nice and controlled and I’ve just listed items as I’ve had the time and felt ready to part with them, and then people have come to pick up their purchases at my house.

 

 

 

The movers were supposed to come today to pack up a couple furniture pieces and a bunch of boxes of stuff.  But they surprised us yesterday by showing up a day early!  I think we could have told them that we weren’t ready and needed to stick with the date we had prearranged…. But we actually were basically ready and decided to go ahead and do it.  So as the movers wrapped cardboard around our things most of the day, we cleaned, packed, did homeschool (our last day before an extra long Christmas break!), sold more stuff, and did a little online black Friday shopping! We finished out the day sitting on a mattress on the floor in Skye’s room singing Christmas carols along with youtube videos on my laptop (TV and couches were gone), and talking about the things we’re thankful for.

 

 

 

 

Today was probably our craziest day yet move-wise.  We had people coming at different points all throughout the day to pick up purchases including several big appliances so we were scurrying to make sure those things were clean and ready to go.  We also moved out of our apartment to an Airbnb where we will be until we leave on the 6^th.  So in between people stopping by to pick up stuff we were squeezing all of the things into our suitcases and preparing for the first move of our move (there will be at least 3 moves: Airbnb - grandparent’s house - our house).

 

 

 

Some teammates were kind to keep our children for us during the part of the afternoon when we were actually moving from our apartment to the Airbnb.  Transporting all our bags and suitcases was a bit of an ordeal without a vehicle.  We were able to hail a station wagon taxi and have him make several trips back and forth with us, though, and then we walked to the grocery store to stock up on food for the next week before picking up the children.

 

 

 

Finn and Skye have been super excited about moving into this Airbnb.  The concept of a new house is so exciting to them, and they’ve been looking forward to it for weeks.  When they finally arrived in the new place, I already had their toys laid out in their rooms, and they were thrilled to explore and discover every nook and cranny of the house.  There was lots of bouncing up and down, crawling under furniture, and running from one room to the next. 

 

 

 

After an extra long bedtime routine (still lots of excitement pulsing through these little bodies!) we’ve finally got the kids to sleep and settled in for the night in our Airbnb.  I’ve been praying a lot for calm and peace and a smooth, restful night’s sleep in this new place.  I’m always wary of new locations in Cusco spiritually speaking. 

 

 

 

Derek is finally getting to watch the iron bowl on his laptop.  He’s been careful to avoid hearing the outcome from friends and family (though I had no qualms with checking the final score myself—just to get a gauge on what he’s about to go through. Sigh.)  As he does that I’m processing the craziness of the last couple of days through writing.

 

 

 

It has definitely an exhausting couple of days, but it’s so nice to have made it this far.  It feels like we’ve gotten past some major hurtles getting our container shipped off and having moved ourselves and most of our stuff to the Airbnb.  The next couple of days we’ll be going back and forth to the other apartment to clean, hand off more stuff to people, and close up shop there.  Thankfully we’re only about a 10-minute walk away.  

 

A Really Good Conversation

Some of my best conversations with Him come via earbuds and Spotify's random play function. 

 

"Holy (Wedding Day)" by City Harmonic

 

This song puts life in such perspective.  I really identify with the picture of a bride longing for her wedding day, and overflowing with joy in the knowledge that her groom is being crowned the king.  

 

 

"The King and All His Beauty" by Matt Boswell and Matt Papa

 

Yes, Father.  How Worthy You are.  Oh that I would be able to sing this song every moment as I live here and go about my days.

 

 

 

 

"Braver Sill" by JJ Heller

 

Yes, I know.  You allow the pain and the hurt because even in that You show your kindness.  Somehow the subtlety of Your voice conveys even more profoundly your wisdom, omnipotence, and commitment to my good.

 

 

 

"Burn for You" by Rivers and Robots 

 

Watching and praying.  That is what You call me to.  Let it be Father.  Make me burn for You in a way that not only propels my relationship with You but that brings You glory in my environment as well.  But You must be my first love.  Let my relationship with You be all that matters.  More than my impact here. 

 

 "If You Want me To" by Ginny Owens

 

 

 

"Messiah / You're Beautiful" by Phil Wickham

 

 

Yes, Father.  Let me just keep my eyes on you as I walk wherever You lead.  Your beauty.  Your providence for me.  Your throne and sovereignty over all things.  Your immanent return.

 

Thank you Father.  Thank you for meeting with me this morning and speaking to me through these songs.  Help me to keep listening today.

 

Spanish Blog: My Summer In Paraguay

  *Click here to read the story behind my Spanish Blog 

All I have to do is close my eyes and I am there again – curled up on a thin mattress with my arms wrapped around a similarly thin pillow in an effort to help it support my head.  My whole body trembled as I sobbed uncontrollably.  Surprised by the wave of despair that had suddenly taken control of my being, I tried so hard to be quiet and keep the girl in the bunk bed next to mine from knowing that I was crying.  It was useless, however.  I knew she must have heard me. 

 

 

With this realization quieting me slightly, the thought occurred to me that even this situation could be used to bless the fifteen-year-old missionary girl.  God had taught me a lot about vulnerability in the previous year, but still it was one of the hardest things I had ever made myself say.  I swallowed several times to get down the lump that had formed in my throat so that I would be able to speak at least somewhat clearly.  “Emily*, would you please pray for me?  I’m feeling really homesick right now.”

 

“Okay,” she said. 

 

And I knew she would.  Emily may have been somewhat immature, but she was not unfeeling.  And I knew she would be concerned for me - at least for a few minutes, before the sound of heavy breathing told me that sleep had overtaken her.  Relieved and slightly impressed with myself for having gotten it out, I rolled back over to face the wall and give in once again to the monster of depression, which had seized me.  I couldn’t remember a time in my life that I had cried so hard.  I had only been in this country for about a week and I didn’t know how in the world I would last for another eight.  I felt completely alone and unappreciated. 

 

 

During my sophomore year of college, I had felt a strong desire to go on a missions trip of some kind in which I could serve using the talents God had given me.  I had always been very interested in missions, and especially after my family’stime at the missionary training school. Yet I had never been on a missions trip of any kind.  I thought that perhaps God would lead me into missions at some point in the future, and maybe spending some time in a foreign country doing some on-the-job training would allow me to see how God might use me in the future. 

 

 

I contacted a missionary agency and expressed my desire to spend a summer helping a missionary family somewhere overseas, and I was put in contact with a family of seven doing Bible translation work in a remote village in Paraguay.  I would travel to Paraguay by myself and spend about 9 weeks of my summer living with this family, teaching their children, and helping out in any way that I could.  Now, after being with the mother and daughter for one week while waiting for the roads to their village to become passable, I was forced to remind myself continually of the ambition with which I had come.

 

 

Without a friend in the entire continent, I had tried determinedly to pour into and encourage the missionary lady and her daughter in the short time I had been with them.  The mother was obviously very disillusioned about Christians in general and had done little but complain to me about the way Christians (even missionaries) acted.  I listened to criticism after criticism sympathetically, trying in vain to connect with her through sharing personal experiences.  She didn’t seem to take much interest in me except my ability to listen to her.  I realize now that she was dealing with a lot of inner turmoil, but as a 19-year-old girl experiencing foreign missions for the first time, I had little to offer her.

 

 

The night’s occurrences had brought all of this to a hilt.  I wanted for nothing more than to have a friend to confide in or ask advice of.  I had tried everything I knew how to do to get through and obtain any sign of appreciation or affection, but all I felt was drained, and I had no way of communicating with anyone back home since cell phones and internet were luxuries unavailable to me.  So I cried out to the only One I had – the only One I would have for the next two months.  I pleaded for strength, for comfort, for wisdom, and for words of encouragement to pierce the emotional scars my hostess had apparently attained during her lifetime in missionary service in Paraguay.  If I were going to make any difference at all, it would have to be through my heavenly Father.

 

 

My summer in Paraguay proved to be one of the longest of my life.  Were it not for my careful attention to the passing of days and weeks, I might have said it was nine months instead of nine weeks.  The struggle for peace in my heart despite feelings of inadequacy and defeat was constant, but this brought me to my knees.  I had very little opportunity to communicate with anyone back home while in Paraguay, so I was quite dependent on God for comfort and companionship. 

 

 

I learned what an incredible difference an hour or two spent with God – searching His word, and pouring out my heart – could make in my attitude.  So often during that 9 weeks I would find myself at the end of my rope and discreetly run away to sit on my bed and search the scriptures for encouragement.  This would give me peace of mind like nothing else could while I was there.  I had never before experienced true companionship with my Heavenly Father like I did that summer.

 

 

Besides the reassurance I got from God through reading the Bible and spending time with Him, the biggest encouragement to me was the motivation of seeing Emily slowly open up to me about her struggles as a missionary kid, and the only white girl her age in that area of Paraguay.  Almost every day Emily and I would go for a long walk right at sunset.  Often we would talk about silly or inconsequential things, but sometimes she would tell me about the loneliness she experienced, or how ostracized she felt by her peers whenever her family went home to the states for furlough.  My heart went out to Emily so I tried to be an encouragement and also a good example for her, and I was encouraged to see her slowly open up to me and appreciate my listening ear and my advice.

 

 

My time in Paraguay was the hardest experience of my life to that point, and had I realized what it would be like going into it I probably would not have gone, and yet I am so thankful that I did.  Not only did I learn so much about missionary life, and the unique struggles and opportunities of missionary kids, but I came to know my heavenly Father on a whole new level.  He was my Sustainer, my Comforter, and my Truest Friend.

 

 

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: “For Your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”  No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  (Romans 8:35-39)

 

 

*Emily’s name has been changed for confidentiality

 

 

Influence

Derek and I were at a dinner with fellow believers last night, and they graciously allowed me to mostly listen during the conversation (as is usually my preference in group settings).  I'm seeking to learn to delight in the people and exchanges around me and participate through silent prayerfullness when not vocally.  This role has helped me to rest in and accept the introverted nature bestowed on me by my Creator.

 

At one point the conversation drifted to discussing politics and the brokenness of our societies (both Peru and the US) and about how difficult it is for a Christian to rise to a position of influence politically or professionally.  As they discussed, I was thinking about how God calls us to reign with Him and have dominion--words which seem to imply great influence.

 

 

Revelation 5:10 – “and you have made them a kingdom and priests to our God,  and they shall reign on the earth.”

 

Daniel 7:27 – “And the kingdom and the dominion and the greatness of the kingdoms under the whole heaven shall be given to the people of the saints of the Most High His kingdom shall be an everlasting kingdom, and all dominions shall serve and obey him.”

 

Galatians 3:29 – “And if you are Christ's, then you are Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise.”

 

2 Timothy 2:12 – “If we endure, We shall also reign with Him.”

 

Hebrews 2:8 – “You have put all things in subjection under His feet." For in that He put all in subjection under him, He left nothing that is not put under him. But now we do not yet see all things put under him.”

 

Ephesians 2:5-6 – “even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus”

 

 

I wrestle to understand how much of this describes our present role versus our future role.  However if prayer is as powerful and consequential as I think it is, it alone constitutes a force at our disposal that is a lot like the power to reign.  Since Christ is already seated on the throne of heaven and doing His will in all the world, and since He has seated us with Him and handed us the authority to pray and thereby bring about His plans now, then in a mysterious, behind the scenes sort of way, we ARE reigning, or at least possessing the potential to reign, right now.

 

 

As Paul said in 1 Corinthians 4:8, “Already you have all you want! Already you have become rich! Without us you have become kings! And would that you did reign, so that we might share the rule with you!”

 

 

I think that we underestimate our potential influence in the here and now.  We see that the world doesn’t value what we have to say, but I wonder if spiritual beings in the world take much greater heed of us and our prayers of faith—perhaps even than we do. 

 

 

I think of Daniel and the incredible influence that he and his prayers had in an incredibly pagan setting.  And He was not someone who seems to have aspired to greatness personally.  He merely prayed 3 times a day and accepted the suffering which came to Him as from the Lord’s hand of mercy and grace.  He managed to keep his spiritual eyes open and watchful in the face of temporal anguish. 

 

 

Oh Lord, keep my spiritual eyes open.  Allow me to recognize the kingdom missions that you place before me daily and help me to have faith in the victory potential offered to me by Your authority.  Father, remove my fears of personal discomfort, injustice, weakness, and mismanagement.  Enable me to delight in the seat of royalty you’ve bestowed on me for the present time and grant me wisdom to embrace the ways in which you call me to reign in the world today.  Amen.