Family Mentorship

I think that after a Christian couple is married, but before they start a family, they should spend a few days - or maybe a week - shadowing a family who they would like to emulate in their approach to living for God as a family.  Derek and I were so blessed to have the opportunity to do this and it was SO helpful and encouraging.  The family we spent time with was not perfect (obviously) but as a result we got to see not only how they prioritized activities and interactions as a family and with others, but how they confronted sin as a family. It helped us make decisions early on that I hope will lead to some of the same results we saw in this precious family.

I think there is such value to watching how the gospel affects the day-in day-out interactions of family life that can not be seen through simply observing other families in public settings, or for limited time spans (like going to their house for dinner).  When you live with a family, you see the bed-time routine, the wake-up routine, how discipline happens, how the family interacts with neighbors and other acquaintances, how the adults find time to worship individually, and how the family worships together.  You find out about sacrifices that are made for the sake of prioritizing things that are important to the family, and you find out what everyone in the family really thinks about it.

I think in ages past, before the days of vehicles and telephones, peoples lives just naturally intersected like this a lot more, but in today's busy society, we mostly see how other families operate when they are operating under an in public set of rules that differs from those that define their daily lives at home.  We form conclusions about other families based on what we see in public and never pick up on integral choices the family has made which lead to the outcomes we see and want (or don't want, as the case may be).

It's easy to form a set of ideals in your mind for how family life should go, but applying those ideals to the craziness of your own life can be an incredibly difficult task--especially after your multiple years and children into establishing your family's norms.  I think shadowing a gospel-driven family would help.  Obviously there are no perfect families and obviously this host family would need to be gracious enough to not only welcome you and your spouse into their family, but commit to a level of transparency before you during your visit.  As with any mentorship or discipling relationship, a deep level of humility would be required for both parties, but that's what we're called to anyway, right?