Came across an archive...

I just came across an old "newspaper" that Kelly, David, Christy, and I made when we were little.  Various headlines, drawings, and articles are pasted onto a cut up paper grocery bag.  Apparently I was the editor.  I have laughed so hard reading it, so I must share...

About Freckels
Freckels are ugly.  Some are dark brown some are light brown.  A few freckles on your nose isn't bad but if they're all over your face it looks disgusting.  There isn't one advantage to having freckles.  Some people think they look cute but they are grose.  That is the way freckles are. by David Barton   

10 Advantages to Having freckles
1. Camoflauge.  If you are running away from a bad guy in the woods, they won't be able to see you as good as if you didn't have freckles.  You are more brown so therefore blend in
2.  They ward off cheek pinchers
3. They ward off prospective daters
4. Some consider them cute
5. They help you not to burn as easily in the sun
6. They help moles blend in
7. A face without freckles is like a night without stars
8. Mommy looks beautiful with them
9. why not have them
10. People won't notice it as much when your face is dirty.
  - Kelly

Poles
The Editor, Laura, is competent - No: Dad, Laura, Christy; Yes: Mom, Kelly, David
What Moostracks for desert - Yes: Kelly, David, Christy, Laura; No - Mom

10 Advantages to Having Big Feet
1. More Cheese
2. Better balance
3. Better for kicking
4. Better for picking up things with your toes
5. Helpful excuse in certain situations
6. Bigger shoes
7. You can crush things easier
8. Bigger toe nail clippings so if you drop it you can see it better
9. You get to write articles like thas.
10. You can jump higher
11. Better foot-eye coordination

  - Laura and Kelly

Double U, EE, AA, TE, ACH, EE, ARE spells weather.  100% chance of sunshine, %50 chance of rain.

Questions: answers
Q: Why do children like games but not work? - David
A: Because work accomplishes something. - Kelly

Q: Why do babies grow so fast? - Christy
A: They eat 24 hours a day & night too. - Kelly

Q: How are creampuffs born? - writer's Identity not to be revealed for security reasons

Q: Why do people ask such werd questions? - Laura
A: What Kind of a weird question is that? - Kelly

Letters To The Editor

Dear Editor
One thing I don't like about your newspaper operation is that you are the editor and not Kelly.  One thing I do like about your newspaper operation is that you hired me.  From David

Dear Editor
I like the picture of you.  love Christy

To the Editor
This newspaper is ridiculous!  I don't know why the brilliant genious Kelly ever signed up for this job.
Things I don't like
1. It only comes out once a month
2. Some of the writers don't know what they're talking about.  Ex. David thinks freckles are ugly.  Well it just so happens that I've got lots of them!  His article was insulting.  I like freckles.  Why - because it is fun picking on people with freckles.  Love, Kelly

Short Story :)
Once upon a time there was a little boy named Ju.  He lived in a little cottage in the woods.  He had a little cat named Leo.  Leo was a big trouble maker.  He killed mice.  He killed rats.  He killed birds.  He was a big flab and very hairy.  He was little.  His mother was lost from when he was 3 months old.  The End.  by Christy 

Hello!
This is me, Kelly.  All who want to subscribe to the newspaper let Kelly or Laura know.  They go out monthly.  Donations requested for this brief but extroardinary and exciting 1st edition.


*All spelling and punctuation has been transcribed accurately to reflect that of the original document.