a great use for facebook

"Satisfy us in the morning
with your steadfast love,
that we may rejoice
and be glad all our days."

– Psalm 90:14

A friend posted this on facebook the other day and I really needed it.  It's returned to my mind often in the past couple of days.  What a great use for facebook!

Panic Attack!

I woke up in the middle of the night several days ago and couldn't get back to sleep.  I wasn't feeling very well (lovely pregnancy symptoms) and the baby was kicking.  So I laid there trying to get comfortable while my mind wandered.

I thought about all of the money we need to raise before we can go to Peru.  I thought about doing this while learning to care for a newborn.  I thought about living in Peru, trying to carry out daily activities completely in SPANISH.  I thought about trying to relate to people from a different culture and sharing the gospel with them in SPANISH.  Then I thought about the life and ministry that we have here right now.  A mini panic attack ensued.

And I thought to myself, "What's the deal, Laura?  Why all of these anxieties all of a sudden?"  And I realized (or perhaps it was the Holy Spirit answering for me) that I hadn't spent much one on one time with my heavenly Father lately.  Sure, I'd been leading Bible studies, preparing children's church lessons, and praying before meals and bedtime, but I hadn't really spent quality time with my God, making myself humble before Him.  I was beginning to operate under the premise that all of these tasks were up to me.

And then He reminded me of a verse from way back in my early childhood when I used to run around the living room in circles with my sister "dancing" to Psalty's Worship Workshop music (I'm pretty sure it was on a record). 

'It's not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit,' says the LORD.

Zechariah 4:6

The next morning I found the verse and read it in context, doing a bit of research to discover that this was God's word to Zerubbabel, who was attempting the impossible feat of rebuilding the temple.

So what have I learned?  Well I'm still convinced that God has us pursuing ministry in Cusco, Peru.  As I've shared in earlier blog posts, He's been so good to give us many reassurances of this calling, and to give each of us the desire and willingness (yes, I believe it's His fault that we're willing - this way we cannot boast in any merit of our own).  But I NEED to stay dependent on Him.  I cannot do it alone, and quite frankly, I become overwhelmed even by allowing my mind to head in that direction.  God does things that are humanly impossible, and I don't have to understand how.

Just this morning I was listing to a Piper sermon that reaffirmed all of this in my mind.  It's FANTASTIC.  And if you've ever wondered about that verse where Jesus says that it's harder for a rich man to enter heaven than for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, then this sermon will be of interest to you too (which was my original reason for listening to it).

MTW Missionaries to Peru!

Well, ladies and gentlemen, this blog now belongs to an MTW missionary.  Derek and I were officially accepted by Mission To the World as short term missionaries to Cusco, Peru a few weeks ago, and we just got back from a week of training with them in Atlanta.  For five days we attended training sessions along with many others just like ourselves, who are headed to all different parts of the world with the gospel message.

We learned so much in a short amount of time, but it was fantastic, because it was getting us one step closer to Peru.  And it was so encouraging to hear how God has worked in the lives of so many different people, calling them and equipping them to serve Him. 

Another really uplifting part about it was that each morning was started off with a worship time.  There's nothing quite like worshiping with other believers to start your day off right!

So now we have returned home feeling super pumped about what God is doing, and eager to get started building our support team over the next year.  I know that this is a spiritual high, and that we'll face some really difficult and challenging things in the next few years, but for now I am thankful and happy for the comradery and encouragement that can exist in God's family.

Us with the group at MTW

This song is running through my mind:

10,000 Reasons by Matt Redman

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning
It's time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

You're rich in love, and You're slow to anger
Your name is great, and Your heart is kind
For all Your goodness I will keep on singing
Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

And on that day when my strength is failing
The end draws near and my time has come
Still my soul will sing Your praise unending
Ten thousand years and then forevermore

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

Jesus, I'll worship Your holy name
Lord, I'll worship Your holy name

Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name
Jesus, I'll worship Your holy name
I'll worship Your holy name

A Helpful Title

I love how every time I come to my blog I am reminded by the quote at the top that THIS is a key moment. 

This moment, as I sit on my sofa, looking out the window and the sunny weather outside with my prenatal vitamin in hand, is a key moment in time because God created it and orchestrated it for a reason.  So I am reminded to thank God for the beautiful day, for my comfortable couch, and my nasty, big prenatal vitamin.  I thank God for the spare moment to reflect on His goodness, and sovereignty in my life.  And pray that I will remember Him more often.

Recognizing Weakness

I’ve been dealing with awful, miserable morning sickness for the past two months.  Yes, after a year and a half of trying and waiting on God, we are expecting!  Yet, while I am excited to have a baby one day soon, I’m absolutely NOT excited about what pregnancy has done to me so far.  Nausea is so crippling.  I feel so defeated and worthless all the time, and not knowing how long it will last is so depressing.

             I read a quote the other day, “You don’t know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.”  While I understand the gist of this quote, I feel that it is misleading.  It suggests that when trials come, we humans prove our real strength.  This trial, however, has shown me the magnitude of my own weakness.  I am not nearly as strong and persevering as I had always thought and hoped I would be.  I regularly feel completely defeated and cry out to God in desperation.  Yes, I’m still here, and life goes on, but it is only because God continues to breath breath into me and give me just enough grace to make it through another day.  I would rewrite the quote this way, “You don’t realize how utterly weak and dependent you are on God, until throwing up your hands is the only choice you have.”  or "You don't realize God's strength in you until your own strength gives out."

            Last night was one of these low points, and God was so gracious to give me a couple reassurances.  First, He brought to mind Psalm 51:17, “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.” Then He apparently gave my child a burst of energy, because for the first time, I’m sure that I felt the baby moving – and not only that, but I felt him/her for a good 30 minutes.  It seemed that there was a little work out session going on in my abdomen.  God is there, and He loves me.  And my child is really there (not just a stomach virus), and he/she needs me.  Deep breath…  here comes another day.

Our Ministry Calling and Plans

Back in February I wrote about some of the ways that God has endeared my heart to overseas missions in this blog post.  In this post I want to tell you a little more about the calling that Derek and I feel God has placed on our hearts, about the 2-week vision trip that we took to Peru recently, and about how that trip has impacted our thoughts and plans for the future.

Our Calling
As we shared with our pre-teens small group from church this week, we believe that our lives are meant to be an expression of praise and worship to God such that the world around us can't help but recognize the reality of His beauty and value.  John Piper's exposition of Romans 12:1-2 explains this well in the first five minutes of this sermon.

We also believe that God is sovereign and has created each of us and equipped us with abilities and experiences based on His plan for how we are to live this way (see Jeremiah 29:11; 1 Corinthians 12; Ephesians 2:13; Proverbs 3:5-6; Romans 8:28).  So how did God see fit to design Derek and I?

Derek -

• God gave Derek a passion for people.  As a child Derek's family moved to Indonesia and later to South Africa as foreign missionaries, and Derek got to see first hand the need for people to make disciples in other countries. 
• God gave Derek a passion for music and leading people into worship.  As a child he took piano lessons and did not enjoy it very much, but when as a freshmen in high school there was a need for someone to play the piano in church for congregational worship, he decided to try it out, and only then did he begin to really love playing music.  There were other young people who also had musical abilities that they were willing to put to use for the sake of church worship, so Derek was provided the opportunity to learn how to work with other musicians to lead people in worship.  God used this greatly to cultivate in Derek a desire to lead others into worship, and train up others to do so as well.  When Derek re-entered the United States after high school, Steve Whitner, the worship pastor at Altadena Church in Birmingham, took extra time to pour into Derek and encourage him in his passion for worship through music.  God led Derek to earn a degree in music ministry at a Christian College, and later provided a worship leader position for Derek to take at Cross Creek Church, a start up church plant in Birmingham.
• God has cultivated in Derek a desire to disciple men.  In the past few years through different opportunities and experiences Derek has had at Cross Creek, Derek has grown in his desire to get to know and pour into men for God's glory through leading Bible studies and small groups, and through getting together one on one with other men.

Laura -

• God gave me a passion for teaching people younger than me.  From the time I was a child I have naturally sought out opportunities to teach and lead children.  I love pouring into children through building relationships in an academic context, and discipling children through sharing with them how God has worked in my life.
• God gave me a passion for overseas missions.  Read more on that here. 
• God placed me in a family that moved every 2-3 years during my childhood, and so I was used to being "the new kid."  As I grew older I began to notice when there was someone else who was "the new kid" and found myself drawn to such people, desiring to reach out to them.  Then I found out about missionary kids, and the ways in which they are often new to their environment or different from others their age.  God has made me naturally drawn toward missionary kids.  I love to hear their stories, to hear their thoughts about missionary work, and to hear their struggles and frustrations.  I love to spend time with missionary kids.

So, by the time I was in college I knew that it was quite possible God had designed me to teach missionary kids overseas somewhere, and by Derek's second year of college, he knew that it was quite possible God had designed him to lead worship and disciple people overseas somewhere.  These were desires of ours, and God seemed to have equipped us for it in various ways.  Then we got to know each other.  I was drawn to Derek's passion for God and he was drawn to mine.  We realized that serving God together would be awesome, and over time we realized that God had not only designed each of us for our individual ministry callings, but He designed us for each other as well.  I could go on about that for pages and pages, but I'll spare you - at least for this post.  :)

So we decided to get married and start our lives together learning to be stewards of Gods gifts to us here in the United States, with the hope that after several years we would pursue overseas missions.  We have been so blessed by our time with our precious church family here in Birmingham.  We have grown in so many ways through the opportunities to grow in truth, live in community, and serve in the kingdom here.  We are positive that our experiences these past few years will serve us for the rest of our lives wherever God leads.

The Past Year
Last spring Derek and I attended a vision retreat with Mission To the World (MTW) in order to become better acquainted with the mission board and seek wisdom on whether that mission board would be a good sending agency for us.  We still had no idea when or where, though, so we were also hoping to gain some clarity on those things.  The week was fantastically helpful in each of those things, and we came away feeling quite excited about the idea of working with MTW in the future.  We also came away with a couple of different fields in mind and contact information for missionaries there.  By the end of last summer, however, it seemed that God was closing the door on both of those fields for us, for different reasons.  We were a little discouraged for a bit, but we spoke with our recruiter at MTW about seeking out other options, and within a couple of weeks we received an e-mail from the field leader in Cusco, Peru.

We were thrilled and amazed at how perfect the need in Peru seemed to match our callings.  There were 7 families there with MTW - 2 involved in church planting and 5 in medical missions.  There was a need for additional men to help disciple and teach and plant churches in Cusco, and there were around twenty missionary children who I could pour into and possibly help educate.  Other things we loved were the fact that Peru is a Spanish speaking country (I have always enjoyed getting to practice my high school Spanish and am excited about the idea of getting better at it), it is in South America (not nearly so far away as the Asian countries we were considering at one point), and it is a country that our church already has an invested interest in, as we have supported a couple different missionary families there, sent short term teams there each year, and our pastor is involved in shepherding the MTW missionaries there.

After a couple of skype calls with the missionaries in Peru, and some prayer, we set up a vision trip to Cusco in order to meet the families, get to know the work there, and determine whether Cusco is the place God has been preparing us for.   On April 3rd of this year we flew down to Cusco and spent two weeks there.

Our Vision Trip to Peru
Our two weeks in Peru was just what we had hoped it would be:

• We spent good quality time with each of the missionary families there, getting to know their families, finding out what ministry in Peru was like for them, and getting lots of our questions answered.  
• We got to see a lot of the life of the church there by attending two worship services, two youth group meetings, and Bible studies.  
• Derek got to attend a session meeting and he also got to play some music with the worship team one Sunday.  
• Derek got to spend a lot of time with Scott Dillon, one of the missionaries heavily involved in the church planting work, shadowing him in his day to day activities and learning about the work and need there.  
• I got to spend a lot of time with the missionary wives, learning both about their roles in ministry and also as wives and mothers in a third world country.  
• I got to spend some time homeschooling with a couple of the moms who are currently doing that with their children, and learned more about what that looks like for them and what their thoughts are for their children's schooling in the future.
• We got to see first hand some of the difficult aspects of life in a third world country and how the missionary families handle those things.
• We got to spend some time doing touristy, fun things in downtown Cusco, learning about what types of things the missionaries do for date nights or getaways.

By the end of the two weeks we felt like the time was spent very well, and we had gotten a pretty good feel (as well as could realistically be attained anyway) for what it might be like to serve as missionaries with MTW in Cusco--and we liked what we had learned.  We were impressed with the hearts and passions of the missionaries there, their commitment to raising godly families, and their unity as a team.  I loved my time with their children, and also loved getting to know the ladies.  We were really drawn to the community and fellowship that existed among the missionaries.

We were also drawn to the needs for discipleship and church planting work, and I especially was drawn to the need for ministry to the missionary families specifically through pouring into their children.  We continue to prayerfully seek God's plan for our lives, but for now He seems to be clearly pointing us toward moving to Cusco to serve there with MTW.  It seems that all of the things He has built into our lives, all of the experiences and training He has given us, and the desires and passions that He has cultivated in our hearts fit perfectly with the needs in Cusco.  Now, I say that with some measure of hesitation, because while I believe that God's plans for His children are perfect and are completely purposeful each step of the way, I also recognize that they very often don't feel perfect to us as we walk through them.  I recognize that if we move to Peru we will face very difficult trials and frustrations there.  There's no doubt about it.  Life there could very possibly be the hardest thing we've ever done.  But if that is where God has designed us to be, then we wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

If our lives are meant to be expressions of praise to God such that the world around us can't help but recognize the reality of His beauty and value, then it makes sense to us that the best place for us to be is the place where our greatest passions and desires collide with a great need for the gospel to go forth.  God has presented us with the needs in Peru, and endeared our hearts to the ministry there.  So we believe that obedience right now for us is pursuing ministry there.  God could still close the door, or steer us in a different direction.  As James 4:13-15 cautions, we admit that our plans are only as sure as they align with His, and so we need to seek His face daily, accepting what He brings, acknowledging His perfection and our finiteness.  But for now we are headed toward ministry in Peru.

And Now . . .
After much prayer and discussion with MTW we have decided to pursue the short term (a 2-2.5 year commitment) with the intention that at the end of that time we will transition to being career missionaries with them if God so leads.  Our next step is to go through the interview and orientation process with MTW, which takes place in September.  During that process they will decide whether to officially accept us or not, and if that goes well, then we will begin the process of support raising (which will likely take 1-2 years).

We are so excited about all of this and feel blessed beyond measure.  We are sinful, feeble, and undeserving people, but God is so good, and His love is so comprehensive.  Our cup truly runs over.

Home Again and Feeling Grateful

DISCLAIMER: I had an amazing and awesome 2-week trip to Peru and I plan to elaborate on it in the coming weeks, but for now, my emotions involve gratitude for a number of things I have taken for granted.

I am so thankful for:

• my own bed.
• a normally functioning stomach
• bathtubs
• hot showers
• food that is not suspect
• water that is not suspect
• oxygen 
• being a safe distance away from the sun
• toilets that can handle toilet paper
• animal control
• clean, good smelling grocery stores 
• packaged meat
• traffic laws that actually apply
• theft laws that actually apply
• clean clothes
• my own bed.