Panic Attack!

I woke up in the middle of the night several days ago and couldn't get back to sleep.  I wasn't feeling very well (lovely pregnancy symptoms) and the baby was kicking.  So I laid there trying to get comfortable while my mind wandered.

I thought about all of the money we need to raise before we can go to Peru.  I thought about doing this while learning to care for a newborn.  I thought about living in Peru, trying to carry out daily activities completely in SPANISH.  I thought about trying to relate to people from a different culture and sharing the gospel with them in SPANISH.  Then I thought about the life and ministry that we have here right now.  A mini panic attack ensued.

And I thought to myself, "What's the deal, Laura?  Why all of these anxieties all of a sudden?"  And I realized (or perhaps it was the Holy Spirit answering for me) that I hadn't spent much one on one time with my heavenly Father lately.  Sure, I'd been leading Bible studies, preparing children's church lessons, and praying before meals and bedtime, but I hadn't really spent quality time with my God, making myself humble before Him.  I was beginning to operate under the premise that all of these tasks were up to me.

And then He reminded me of a verse from way back in my early childhood when I used to run around the living room in circles with my sister "dancing" to Psalty's Worship Workshop music (I'm pretty sure it was on a record). 

'It's not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit,' says the LORD.

Zechariah 4:6

The next morning I found the verse and read it in context, doing a bit of research to discover that this was God's word to Zerubbabel, who was attempting the impossible feat of rebuilding the temple.

So what have I learned?  Well I'm still convinced that God has us pursuing ministry in Cusco, Peru.  As I've shared in earlier blog posts, He's been so good to give us many reassurances of this calling, and to give each of us the desire and willingness (yes, I believe it's His fault that we're willing - this way we cannot boast in any merit of our own).  But I NEED to stay dependent on Him.  I cannot do it alone, and quite frankly, I become overwhelmed even by allowing my mind to head in that direction.  God does things that are humanly impossible, and I don't have to understand how.

Just this morning I was listing to a Piper sermon that reaffirmed all of this in my mind.  It's FANTASTIC.  And if you've ever wondered about that verse where Jesus says that it's harder for a rich man to enter heaven than for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, then this sermon will be of interest to you too (which was my original reason for listening to it).