Spanish Blog: Strengthened Through Testing

  *Click here to read the story behind my Spanish Blog

 

I had never experienced fear like it before, nor have I since.  At age eleven, suddenly there was no reason to go on.  No purpose in life, but no relief in death either.  I lay there shaking uncontrollably, so tense, and unaware of anything physical for what felt like an eternity.  Then the light was on in the room and my mom was crouched beside the bed holding me, telling me repeatedly that it was “okay”.  

 

 

But I didn’t hear her.  Jesus was dead.  I tried to tell her, but she didn’t understand.  She didn’t know.  She hadn’t wept in despair beside his lifeless body in that dreadfully gloomy room in which the shadows silently screamed of the hopelessness of the situation.  She had not watched in agony as legions of demons marched over the face of the entire earth in triumphant conquest.  

 

 

My eyes were open, but these images were all I could see.  There was no hope.  No hope.  I lay there in shock – still shaking – for what seemed like an eternity.  To this day I can still picture those two scenes from my dream as vividly as they appeared to me then.

 

 

My mother tells me that it was only about five minutes before I came out of it.  I was in disbelief.  It had been so real.  I had never had a dream or nightmare like that before.  What had brought it on?  My mother and I went through the occurrences of the day, books I had been reading, movies or shows I had seen recently, and came up with nothing.  We were just glad she had been there.  

 

 

I was unable to get back to sleep for a long time after that.  However, I was glad it was over – or so I thought.  Unfortunately, I would experience repercussions from that nightmare for years to come.  For months after that night I would have regular nightmares multiple times per week.  Unlike the first dream, these nightmares did not include Jesus’ death, however like the first dream, waking up did not mean it would go away.  

 

 

I remember feeling evil spirits swarming about me.  I could not see them, but I knew they were there with as much certitude as I knew I was in my house.  Scared out of my mind I would rush to my parents’ room each night, usually only an hour or two after going to sleep.  Some nights it took longer than others for the nightmares to go away.  We discovered after not too many nights of this that the quickest way to dispel the horrifying trance was to pray.  I would beg my father, “pray for me!  Please!  Hurry!  Pray quickly!”  And when he did, like a switch being flipped, normalcy would return.  Peace again.

 

 

I hated going to bed in those days.  I cried many nights, knowing that sleep would only bring the horrible dreams again.  One night after coming out of another nightmare feeling completely defeated, I remember asking my dad why God would allow me to go through such torture night after night.  He assured me that there was a reason, and that if nothing else, it was teaching me to trust Him.  They taught me that we can’t always know why God allows us to go through the things He does, but we can be assured that He does indeed know what He is doing, and it will be in our best interest in the long run.  This was my first lesson in trusting God through hard times, and I believed Him.

 

 

In an effort to calm my nerves before bed in those days, my mother would read Psalms of reassurance to me and we would sing hymns such as “Victory in Jesus”, “Amazing Grace”, and “Silent Night.”  Very distinct in my mind is the night we found a passage in Psalms assuring me that heaven’s armies were protecting me.  

 

 

I am so thankful for the way my parents pointed me toward trust and patience with my Heavenly Father’s plan during that difficult phase of my childhood.  I think the Lord always leads us to a pivotal moment where we must choose whether to believe in His goodness and power when it isn’t easy.  And our choice in that moment paves the way for a hundred more pivotal moments in the future. 

 

 

 As a child I thought that walking by faith meant doing risky and bold things for God, but I can now attest that at least in my own life, it is much more often an invitation to acceptance of the difficult—a choice to claim the truth of Romans 8:28 over and over and over again.

 

 

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. – Romans 8:28

 

 

Can you identify a pivotal moment for faith in your own childhood or adolescence?  A time when the easiest path forward was not the path of faith, hope, and love?

Spanish Blog: Journaling His Faithfulness

 *Click here to read the story behind my Spanish Blog

As I recount the ways that the Lord has pursued me, taught me, cared for me, and used me for His purposes over the course of my thirty-four years, one truth is abundantly clear to me.  God is sovereign over my life, He has had a good plan for me from the beginning, and He can be fully trusted.  I think it is important to recall the ways that the Lord has been faithful to us even in the trying times, because as we recall His faithfulness, the Lord gives us more faith to follow Him in the present.

We will not hide them from their children, showing to the generation to come the praises of the LORD, and His strength, and His wonderful works that He has done. ~ Psalm 78:4

 

 

 

This is one of the things I love about journaling.  I can always look back at the things that I wrote years ago to see what the Lord was teaching me and recall the ways He worked in my life.  It’s so easy to go about life assuming that I
’m just making my way in the world creating my own reality, but when I write I am intentional about recognizing God’s hand in my circumstances, and I can preach the truth to myself.

 

 

 

I think that the truth of God’s sovereignty is another thing that I have seen your culture demonstrate.  1 Chronicles 29:11-12 tells us that God has sovereign control over all circumstances in the world. 

 

Yours, Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is Yours. Yours, Lord, is the kingdom; You are exalted as Head overall. Wealth and honor come from You; You are the Ruler of all things. In Your hands are strength and power to exalt and give strength to all.

 

While even Christ-followers in my homeland struggle with this doctrine, clinging desperately to their own individual free will and autonomy over their lives, you instinctively know that there is a spiritual world intricately intertwined with and having bearing on our own.  When things go well for you, you naturally credit it to your gods and spiritual advocates, and you respond in adoration.  When life is difficult, you respond by humbling yourselves and beseeching favor of your deities offering sacrifices and dedicating yourself more fully to acts of reverence.  

 

 

It is no wonder that you still cling to these remnants of truth, for they have been passed down faithfully from generation to generation since Peru’s earliest days.  For centuries your children have seen their parents turn to their gods for help and salvation in times of desperation, even to the point of death, as your oppressors gave testament to after the Spanish conquest.  Indeed, your perseverance in passing on faith in the unseen to the next generation points to the instruction God gave us through Moses in Deuteronomy,

 

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.  These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts.  Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. (Deuteronomy 6:5-9)

 

 

Oh Cusco, I pray that your true Savior would capture your affection. Would you accept that He not only is sovereign over your life and circumstances, but He loves you, gave His life for you, and longs for you to find rest and delight in Him.  You can fully trust Him and be done with fear.  As Paul prayed for His own countrymen, I beseech the Father of all on your behalf, that your zeal might be born of truth and your devotion a response of gratitude rather than a struggle for merit:

 

Brothers and sisters, my heart’s desire and prayer to God for the Israelites is that they may be saved.  For I can testify about them that they are zealous for God, but their zeal is not based on knowledge.  Since they did not know the righteousness of God and sought to establish their own, they did not submit to God’s righteousness.  Christ is the culmination of the law so that there may be righteousness for everyone who believes.  (Romans 10:1-4)

 

 

Your perfect righteousness has already been purchased.  Accept this beautiful gift and let your Heavenly Father overwhelm you with His goodness.  In truth, the good news is way better than we could have ever imagined!  There’s nothing to be earned.  Just grace.  I commend to you this passage, Cusco.  Let Christ be your righteousness, your protector, and the sole object of your affection.  In love, and hope, and much prayer I beg of you:

 

Seek the Lord while He may be found; call on Him while He is near.  Let the wicked forsake their ways and the unrighteous their thoughts.  Let them turn to the Lord, and He will have mercy on them, and to our God, for He will freely pardon. (Isaiah 55:6-7)