Spiritual Cycles, the Goodness of God, Pursuit of Healing, and the Living Word

I'm shoring up a bunch of my musings over the past several months.  I write these things in a note in my phone entitled "Writing," hoping that I will have a future time to flesh out the concept further through writing.  I usually have to flesh out a bunch of it all at once due to time constraints.  I need to start dating each things in the note.

Probably 4-6 months ago I wrote: 

“The cycle replayed repeatedly in the Bible: calling, intent to follow, fear, sin, consequences (slavery), crying out, rescue, a journey out of slavery, and a journey to claim promises.  We live this cycle over and over in our relationship with God and reality (God).  Teaching on recognizing that cycle?”

It's interesting to me that I wrote that several months ago because just a few weeks ago I came across a Youtube video where the OneStory creators explained their story map for the entire Bible which shows how cycles replayed over and over again.  Their map teaches students how to recognize the phases.  Their phrases are a bit different though: wild place, through the waters, blessing in dry places, covenant, garden, choice, and a seed of promise.

I guess to take the best of both their map and my own concept of the cycle, I might go with:

1.  Calling / Invitation to the Garden 
2.  Intent to follow
3.  A choice:
•  Fear/Sin (proceed to #4)
•  Trust/Surrender (proceed to #7)
4.  Consequences / slavery / wild place
5.  Crying out
6.  Journey out of slavery / through the waters
7.  Blessing in dry places
8. A journey back into the garden / journey to claim promises
9. Loop back to #3 sooner or later (at least while on this earth)

 

A related item from my note: 

We can’t stay in the exhilaration of a tune’s crescendo very long.  Neither can we spiritually stay in the heights.  It is precisely the slower, darker notes which birth the exultation, and they too convey their own beauty.

 

Next item in my note: 

“The resurrection was God’s endorsement of the cross.  It shows us that God would rather suffer and die than overcome evil by violence, and it invites us to live by taking up our cross as Christ did.  Life through death.”  

 I’m still wrestling through trying to understand what happened with the cross and Jesus’ life.  On the one hand it WAS violence.  But was God doing it?  Willing it?  Was God unleashing His anger on Jesus, or was God with Jesus on the cross, showing us the way forward (life through death)?  It seems like pitting God against Jesus doesn’t work, since they are One.  And I can’t bring myself to accept concept of an angry God.  He clearly set up a universe where sad consequences happen as a result of choices to act contrary to reality – which I think Roman’s 1 calls “wrath.”  But I have a hard time calling that anger or even wrath because of what those English words mean (when we talk about them in any human context).  God’s version of them has to be something other--something purer and something that is somehow loving/seeking of restoration.

Dallas Willard said, 

“I’ll either allow my view of evil to determine my view of God and cut Him down accordingly, or I’ll allow my view of God to determine my view of evil and elevate Him accordingly.”   

The problem is, I feel like depending on your chosen systematic theology you can use scripture to support whatever view of God you want to take.  This is where I think personal experience with God – via faith (a risky choice to act on the assumption that He’s good and trustworthy)—comes to bare.  Often we have to get to a low place to be willing to take that sort of risk.  We cry out (#5 above) and decide to head for the Red Sea even though it looks impassible from a human standpoint, but we’re at the end of our rope and willing to give Gods’ a shot.  At least that’s what it feels like inside of our heads.  In reality I think there’s a drawing, reassuring, fueling, and supernatural enabling on God’s part which facilitates our faith.  

As we step into the waters, we see Him hold back the current and make a way forward for us, and we come to know Him experimentally.  That experience becomes a data point - a personalized revelation of God inserted into your life.  We bring that data with us as we approach scripture, and it helps us to discover truth.

Next note: 

“Seeing nature is peering into the mind of God.”

Next note: 

“To the degree that I am willing to wrestle with my mind’s dissonance in open conversation with the Creator, I begin to experience the true joy of discovery and I taste what the scriptures call ‘gospel.’”

Next note: 

“Jesus always told people who came to Him for healing, ‘your faith has healed you.’  Maybe we should understand, therefore, that spiritual healing is also on offer for those with faith enough to pursue it.”   

That’s essentially the choice (#3 above) that Jesus demonstrated and proclaimed.  He said that the reign of God was real and presiding over the earth such that anyone could choose to enter it and live by kingdom realities (choosing trust and surrender rather than fear and sin).

Some weeks later I apparently was having the same thought and wrote, 

”Jesus regularly told people, 'your faith has healed you.’  What if faith is also what is necessary to experience spiritual healing? Maybe if we were just as aware and desperate about our sin as Bartimaeus was about his blindness, and if we were willing to be persistent and socially unacceptable (even when rebuked) in our pursuit of healing, we might receive healing?  Not that we could reach perfection.  Bartimaeus’s sight surely maintained the limits common to human eyes.  But perhaps we might see real, noteworthy progress—the type of progress that causes those around us to praise the God who still honors faith today.”

Next note: 

“Life is like a river.”   

I remember this being a big and centering thought that I seemed to receive from God based on the issues I was dealing with in my mind on that day, but didn’t have time to fully flesh out in writing.  I think I was envisioning myself floating along in a large, steadily flowing river, accompanied by my family and regularly floating near other people in my vicinity, and regularly passing by / bumping into random debris, rocks, and floating logs.  The temptation is to focus solely on those people and situations right around us and forget that the river contains all of it, knows all of it, and continues to move us all along through it.  We can choose to fear the course of the river, or we can choose to move with it, watching for where it will go next, and adjusting ourselves accordingly, trusting that the river is worth floating in, and reaching out to help along those floating near us.

“In Him we live and move and have our being.” 

 

Next note is a quote from Tim Mackie from a Bible Project class, 

“What’s of value is the substance of what the words are about…” (speaking of scripture), “The words are a vehicle to communicate something that is real—SomeONE that’s real, and because the words are a vehicle, the wording as such is not an end in itself.” 

He was speaking about how New Testament authors often quoted the Old Testament in broken and switched around/combined ways rather than doing perfectly verbatim quotes the way our culture does (to avoid the dreaded evil of plagiarism).”  This stood out to me because of how I’ve been seeking to understand, in recent years, the mean of Jesus being “The Living Word,” and struggling with the feeling that we sometimes worship scripture over and above God Himself.  He inhabits His word, but I think, as Mackie points out, that He is the meaning intended through the words.  That is why Jesus, who lived out the intended meaning of the Old Testament can rightly be called the living word.  He is the meaning – the substance which inhabits scripture when scripture is engaged with in an open, honest pursuit of truth with the help of the Holy Spirit.  That, however, is probably not as common as we might think.  We much more often go to scripture with our own agenda, and miss the One who inhabits it.

 

That's all for now!  I shall muse on 😊 

Questioning, a Spiritual Practice

I find that as I have more and more experienced God in a personal 2-way relationship, the more safety I feel to question things about the theology I have been taught.  In the past I think there was always a subconscious fear that if I asked certain questions, or raised certain inconsistencies, it might leave me on shaky ground where I no longer knew what I believed or truly belonged to my religious group.  When my faith was chiefly resting on the doctrines that I aligned myself with, those doctrines were my security blanket.  However as I come to know God as a relational personality with whom I can interact and dialogue, and who is willing to engage with me in that way as often as I pursue it, then that relationship becomes a much firmer security for me.   

The more that I interact with Him the more I find the parts of my doctrine which truly feel like good news to be true and actively functioning in the world and in my experience.  On the other hand, the parts of that doctrine which do not feel like good news, I find I am safe to question—not out of suspicion that part of God’s word may be untrue, but out of acknowledgement that I am not yet fully understanding it.  I KNOW God, and so as I read about His movements in the different contexts of world history, I am not afraid to find that He may have been someone else.  I’m confident in who He is.  Seeking to understand how He has shown Himself throughout time is not a dangerous endeavor, but rather it is a treasure hunt.  The more I discover, the more lovely He becomes, and the richer my relationship with Him.

 

The hour is coming when I will no longer speak to you in figures of speech but will tell you plainly about the Father.  In that day you will ask in My name, and I do not say to you that I will ask the Father on your behalf; for the Father Himself loves you, because you have loved Me and have believed that I came from God. John 16:25-27

I made known to them Who You are, and I will continue to make It known, that the love with which You have loved Me may be in them, and I in them.” John 17:26

On Hearing God

 A spouse, with a timely glance toward an attentive lover, can wordlessly communicate via lines of shared neural pathways.  God, however, has no need of the optical component.  His glance, rather, I experience as a sudden recognition or reminder of truth which He has previously enabled me to know.

Two Spirits, One Life

I was thinking about the indwelling Spirit, as A B Simpson so often referred to Him, and what that really means.  And I imagined myself in the place of the Spirit of God, going to inhabit another spirited being like God’s Spirit inhabits His children. 

 

I imagine the essence of who I am—my mind, personality, desires, memories, experiences, and feelings transferring into another person’s life and physical body.  Yet instead of replacing my new host’s consciousness, I make my home alongside it.  And while I certainly have the power to supersede my host’s will, I choose not to.  Instead, I settle for influencing their sense of ought.

 

 

My host’s awareness of reality, life experience, and powers of thought are significantly inferior to my own, yet I am committed to gently prodding them toward gradual growth.  My host recognizes this on some level, and is at least outwardly amenable to my presence and influence, yet quite often opts to completely ignore my all-sufficient offer of help.

 

 

This imagined scenario may seem odd, but it led me to think about the privileged position I find myself in, as host to the Spirit of God.  And I wonder about the interaction between our two spirits—the lesser holding veto power regarding word and deed, and the greater regularly ignored all together. 

 

 

Scotty Smith says “we’re all abide’ers.”  We all dwell on impressions and ideas in our own minds, letting those things influence our lives and surroundings significantly.  Yet so often we choose to dwell on messages we receive from without instead of within.  How can this be?  How can the very consciousness of God living beside own be so completely lost on us?

 

 

“It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life.” John 6:63

 

“For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit.  For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.  For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed, it cannot.  Those who are in the flesh cannot please God. You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you.” Romans 8:5-9a

 

“Yet he is actually not far from each one of us, for ‘In him we live and move and have our being’; as even some of your own poets have said, ‘For we are indeed his offspring.’ Being then God's offspring, we ought not to think that the divine being is like gold or silver or stone, an image formed by the art and imagination of man.”  Acts 17:27b-29

 

“His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire.”   Peter 1:3-4

 

 

“The Spirit and the Bride say, “Come.” And let the one who hears say, “Come.” And let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who desires take the water of life without price.” Revelation 22:17

 

 

I find I always have an inner conversation between my own thoughts and my imagined sense of reality.  I dwell on experiences of the past, replaying them in my mind, and also on experiences I expect will happen in the future.  I don’t know if all people do that or if it’s more of an introvert thing.  But I’m seeking to invite the Holy Spirit within me into those conversations.  To let my inner conversation be with Him, and leave space for His contributions to them. 

 

 

My imagined scenario above feels similar to science fiction narratives that many of us have heard.  But I’ve never heard one in which the host’s consciousness also had sovereign influence over nature and all life circumstances surrounding the host.  The Holy Spirit’s potential for communication and loving provision for me is unlimited.  The only limiting factor is my own receptivity. 

Spanish Blog: Running In The Fog

 *Click here to read the story behind my Spanish Blog 

This morning it was quite foggy up on the mountain where I went for my run with the Lord.  My mind was also foggy.  I feel so childish and unsure about so many things these days.  When I was a child at least the path before me felt clear.  Obey the parents, get good grades in school, be helpful with my siblings, and enjoy free time with friends.  The minutia of daily life activities was either handled by my parents or open to my own whims.  I miss the simplicity and confidence I enjoyed then. 

 

So I cried out to my Father, “Speak to me God!  I need to hear Your guiding and reassuring voice.” 

 

And as I ran into the mist, He flooded my mind with an authoritative, peace-generating impression—characteristics that I have come to associate with His voice.  “Everyone in the world runs in the fog like you do, Laura.  I am the only One who sees clearly into the future.  Let Me be the One who guides us.”

 

 

“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” Proverbs 16:9

 

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you. Be not like a horse or a mule, without understanding, which must be curbed with bit and bridle, or it will not stay near you.  Many are the sorrows of the wicked, but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord.” Psalm 32:8-10

Reflecting On Our Years in Cusco

 

We’re just over a month away from completing our time in Cusco.  I’ve found myself reflecting a lot lately about how I’ve seen the Lord at work during these 6 years here—how He’s worked around us to grow His church in Cusco, and how He’s worked in my own heart to change and mold me.  I truly feel amazement and incredible gratitude for both.

 

 

How I’ve seen God Grow the Church Here

When we arrived in Cusco, our church, Fuente de Gracia, had just been planted and there was a small group of around 40 people—primarily missionary families and Peruvian young adults meeting for worship services and Bible study gatherings.  Everything was fairly missionary led at that point with some national participation on the worship team and hospitality set-up. 

 

Since that time, it has been a joy to watch the Lord grow the church both in number and in depth of commitment to the Lord and His people. 

-       The church has expanded to include 80+ people of all different ages and stages. 

-       Peruvian men and women have stepped into significant leadership roles, working together to develop vision and strategy for set-up, sermons, children’s ministry, youth ministry, small groups, Bible studies, fellowship events, and mercy ministry.

-       Passion for meeting together and praying together has grown significantly.

-       The church family has learned to care for one another through very trying times, reaching out to one another, praying for one another, and speaking scripture to one another.

 

Just this past year, in particular, it has been an incredible delight to watch the Lord lead individuals in church through times of great uncertainty and then, after a season of walking forward by faith, He has come through with perfect solutions and answers.  He’s provided jobs, homes, locations for the church to meet, physical healing, and relational restoration.  We’ve seen bonds form between brothers and sisters in Christ where there was previously tension.  We’ve watched husbands and wives die to self, putting the other first in reliance upon the Lord, and we’ve heard testimonies shared over and over again about God’s constant goodness and faithfulness through hardship. 

 

 

We have truly received a KINGDOM WHICH CANNOT BE SHAKEN (Heb. 12:28) and He is constantly adding to the GREAT MULTITUDE STANDING BEFORE HIS THRONE (Rev. 7:9-12) and INCREASING HIS GOVERNMENT over more and more people and places (Is. 9:7).

 

 

NOW TO THE KING ETERNAL, IMMORTAL, INVISIBLE, THE ONLY GOD, BE HONOR AND GLORY FOR EVER AND EVER.  AMEN!  (1Tim 1:17)

 

 

 

How I’ve Seen God Grow and Change Me

I’ve told friends that I feel like a completely different person today from who I was when I arrived in Peru in 2015.  I could write for ages about the things that I’ve learned and ways that I’ve changed, but most significantly:

 

My view of God has changed.  I now see and experience Him much more intimately.  He’s taught me to hear from Him in ways I never did before.  He’s shown Himself to be much more of the hero and plot mover in His kingdom story—even down to the smallest details—than I ever realized. 

 

My view of the gospel and God’s kingdom has changed.  I’ve learned to see the gospel as so much bigger and greater than mere salvation.  I’ve come to truly delight in the astonishing invitation to partnership and kingdom rule that God instituted at creation.  My understanding of the kingdom of God and its presence, power, and impact has increased exponentially.  That word—kingdom—has taken on a concrete, dynamic, and incredibly consequential concept for me. 

 

My view of myself has changed.  As the Lord has taught me to delight more deeply in Him, my fear and dependence on human approval have lessened, and I’ve grown in confidence of how the Lord could and does choose to use me.  And so, I now see myself as capable of much more through the Holy Spirit’s power.  On the other hand, I’ve seen God work most mightily during my times of greatest weakness and dependence, and so I’ve also come to see myself and my efforts as much less consequential—in and of myself.  I’ve seen my sin more deeply during these years and learned to wrestle more proactively for my own sanctification.  I’ve learned to see more greatly my need of the body of Christ for that purpose as well.

 

My understanding of the role of prayer has changed significantly.  That’s a whole other blog post, but suffice to say that when I say significantly, I mean SIGNIFICANTLY.

 

My view of missionary service and ministry in general has changed significantly.  I’ve done a LOT of thinking and wrestling through my own thoughts on this topic, and last year some of it culminated in my writing an 11-page Philosophy of Ministry paper that helped Derek and I to process a lot of experiences and thoughts from our time serving with MTW thus far.  That document, which expresses our current convictions and aspirations, can be viewed here. 

 

 

 

And for those who have read this far…. Thank YOU for your role in all of the above.  I’m so thankful for the body of Christ rallying around us and our efforts and propelling these changes for the kingdom these past years.

 

 

The Language of Heaven

For some time now I’ve wondered if perhaps music is the language of heaven.  It is a universal language that conveys meaning to our hearts in a beautiful and emotional way.  It’s like a heart language that all of humanity shares.

 

 

This morning while on my walk with God I was listening to “Lothlórien” by Enya—which I find absolutely gorgeous by the way—and even though it’s completely instrumental, I felt like the music was drawing my eyes to the skies and my heart toward thinking about life from above—from my heavenly position in Christ’s throne with Him (Eph 2:6).  The song has no lyrics at all, but the melody alone was used by the Holy Spirit to call me toward a heavenly perspective.  And yet, somehow, the tune also seemed to allow for acknowledging the more humble setting in which I physically reside.  It seemed to promote a balanced approach to looking up, seeing from on high, but also looking straight ahead, and accepting where I am.

 

 

( By the way… after writing this post, I decided I ought to look up what the word, “Lothlórien” means, and I was pleasantly surprised.  It seems the artist had a similar thing in mind when she composed the song!  Lothlórien was, in fact, the convergence of two contrasting realms.  Look it up!)

 

 

 

I’ve written before about how it seems to me that God writes and reveals melodies and lyrics in His perfect timing and with His own purposes, which are almost certainly grander than those of the earthly artists who are given credit for them.  I’ve found over the past few years that I often find deeper spiritual meanings to secular songs.  Sometimes the lyrics an artist assigns to a tune just seem absurdly shallow or silly compared to the message the Holy Spirit impresses on my heart.  

 

 

It makes me think of Jesus’ parables.  There are some who will only take away simple moralistic messages from them, and God allows it to be so.  But the Holy Spirit’s omniscient power to wield anything in creation for His purposes is one of the most beautiful and magical aspects of the way He works, and the more I experience it, the more I stand in awe.

 

 

 

Anyway… the language of heaven.  As I thought about this more, I realized that music is not the only artistic expression that is somewhat universal.  Perhaps heaven will have unlimited languages which speak truth and meaning to each one’s heart.  Perhaps our emotional intelligence will be raised to level where we can gain absolute meaning through observing the facial expression and muscular efforts of a runner completing His marathon, a ballerina executing a pirouette, or a painter blending colors on a canvas. 

 

 

Just as each of us have mother tongues with which we will always communicate best, we also have other heart languages which speak to others, and as ourselves as well, of the longings of our hearts.  In the fallen condition we tend not to have opportunity to fully express these things as we would like to, and even if we do, it tends to be misunderstood or under understood.  But one day it won’t be so.  

 

 

Communication is clearly one of God’s defining attributes.  So integral is it to His character, that John 1:1 names Him the Word.  Genesis 1 introduces us to all of creation as an expression of His speech, and Hebrews 1:3 affirms that His power is in fact a means of His communication which actually upholds all of creation.  Clearly, He is a communicating God who is not limited to the languages of vocal cords.   

 

 

For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.  Hebrews 4:12

 

 

Beautiful Interruptions

 This morning Derek was handling the homeschooling for me so that I could get out of the house and spend some time processing with the Lord.  These dates with my Savior are so life-giving and clarifying of what His heart is for me.  I’m so thankful for the way He and Derek both prioritize these times for me.

 

 

I was at Starbucks beginning to write and process some thoughts when I was interrupted by a song playing on my spotify playlist: Well Done, Good and Faithful, by Andrew Peterson. 

 

 

 

 

I had just discovered this song yesterday and added it to my playlist.  When it came on via my earbuds this morning, my mind was immediately drawn to think of a dear friend here who is suffering in the hospital.  I’ve been praying for her a lot, and this song reminded me that the suffering we endure in our physical bodies is one of God’s mysterious means of uniting us even more closely with our Savior who Himself endured suffering in submission to the Father’s good plan. 

 

Why would my Heavenly father bruise the son he loved so well?
He prayed in dark Gethsemane, "Withhold this bitter cup"
But he resigned his will to thee and drank the sorrows up

 

Our savior cried with David's grief, "In groans I waste my breath
Thy hand has brought me down beneath the bitter dust of death"
And then he gave his spirit up to trust it in your hand
His dying flesh reposed in hope, to rise at your command

Why, oh why, my God?
Why, oh why, my God?

For the joy set before him he endured
And is seated at the right hand of the throne
Well done, good and faithful, well done
Well done, good and faithful, well done
Well done good and faithful one

 

 

As the song points out, it was for the JOY set before Him that Christ endured the agony of the cross (Romans 12:2).  Yet we know from Christ’s prayer in Gethsemane that He also longed to give up that bitter cup.  What a dichotomy!  To both reel against the pain that flesh was not made to endure and simultaneously long for the beauty of submission to the Father. 

 

 

As beloved children of the same Father, we are called to be united with Christ in this dichotomy.

 

Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in Christ's afflictions for the sake of his body, that is, the church, - Colossians 1:24

 

I found myself praying this for my friend—praying that she would identify with her Savior in her suffering, and that this unity with the Son of God would result in great joy and even gratitude in her heart. 

 

 

 

God then brought another friend to mind—one who is suffering with cancer in the United States, and I prayed these things for him and his family as well.  And as I did, I continued to question with the artist,

 

Why, oh why, my God? 

Why, oh why, my God?

 

As the beautiful response from the song played in my mind, I sensed the Holy Spirit impressing on my heart the notion that every single moment of acceptance and submission to the suffering that God permits in our lives is a beautiful representation of God’s miraculous work in our hearts and a colossal victory against the enemy’s agenda.  Our flesh cannot accept nor rest in hurt and pain, and our spirits testify to us that we were not created for it, yet in Christ the supernatural becomes possible. 

 

 

Hurt precipitates beauty

 

 

Need begets deliverance

 

 

Death creates life. 

 

 

Redemption, a concept so beautiful that God worked it into the most basic fabric of human society from the beginning, only comes to bear in the face of evil.

 

 

 

Then God had another interruption for me.  I received a phone call from a different Peruvian friend who has been sick with COVID and Pneumonia.  She called in need of encouragement as her daughter is now suffering as well, and she asked if I could bring a few groceries.  What an incredible blessing it was to me to be offered this opportunity to minister tangibly to my sister in Christ even as the Lord was already drawing my heart to pray for the comfort and spiritual renewal of those in my life who are struggling. 

 

 

As I shopped for my friend and journeyed to her house, I prayed that the Lord might use me to bless and encourage her and that He might choose to use me to represent His deep love for her.  It was such a blessing to sit with her and pray over her, and remind her of truths from God’s word.  And when she responded with great gratitude to me, it was such a joy to be able to convey that it was her heavenly Father who was loving her and that I was merely His  undeserving, yet honored messenger to her this day—for that’s what the body of Christ does.  Each member reflects to the others the love of the Father who Himself possesses and exudes all of the love that exists in the universe.

 

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. – 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

 

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. – Philippians 2:1-2

 

 

I’ve spent so much time lately reading in the scriptures about the beautiful way that the body of Christ is meant to function—every member responding to the Head (Christ) and moving in unison with the others caring for those in need at times and receiving from the others at other times.  What a beautiful privilege to take part in this living, breathing, organism which is supernaturally propelled and directed by Christ Himself.

 

 

I am thankful that the Holy Spirit deemed me worthy of His interruption today.  It is truly an honor to be called upon to join my Father in ministering to His beloved children, and to be drawn into His heart for them.  

 

Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and how inscrutable His ways!

 

 

A Lesson in Scrutiny

I was convicted recently by 1 Corinthians 4:6 where Paul says that the Corinthian believers need to learn “not to go beyond what is written, that none of you may be puffed up in favor of one against another.”  I think in the past I never thought too much about the phrase “go beyond what is written” because I didn’t understand it.  I’m sure I do that constantly when reading the Bible—probably more often than not actually.

 

 

But I’ve been reading through 1 Corinthians repeatedly of late, and having more of a sense of the context of this verse makes it come alive.  Paul has heard that there are many in Corinth who have publicly chosen to follow Apollos rather than Paul for one reason or another.  First off, Paul addresses the error of attaching ones’ self to one human teacher (1:10-17).  But in chapter 4 he makes a defense of himself by explaining that as a servant of God, only God can judge him.  He claims that it means very little to him if humans find fault with him.  Then this verse appears.

 

I have applied all these things to myself and Apollos for your benefit, brothers that you may learn by us not to go beyond what is written, that none of you may be puffed up in favor of one against another.

 

Paul exhorts the Corinthians that it is God Who is our Master and Judge in all things, so while we may be tempted to apply God’s individual direction toward us to other people, it is incorrect to do so when it goes “beyond what is written,” or beyond what is clearly taught in scripture.  So while an individual believer in Corinth may have been led by the Holy Spirit to follow Apollos’s example more than Paul’s in one way or another, that would be an instance of Spiritual direction which goes beyond what was written in Scripture.  Scripture never said to follow Apollos’s practice of anything, yet the Spirit imparts truth and wisdom (which is in line with and never contradictory to scripture) to God’s children (2:6-16).

 

 

Moreover, as Paul pointed out in chapter 3, when we begin to proclaim our own affinities to others in such a way that we create lines of division between ourselves and other believers, we are acting in the flesh (verse 4).  Then in 3:21-22 Paul reminds us that “all things” are yours, “whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas or the world or life or death or the present or the future—all are yours.”  4:8 alludes to this astonishing reality as well.  God can use any person, experience, thing, etc. to grow us, teach us, sanctify us.  We are not meant to latch onto one other person’s faith, but rather joyfully give thanks for the way God may use certain individuals in our own journey with Him, but keeping our gaze on our Master Teacher and giver of all good gifts all the time. 

 

 

Chapter 2 verse 15-16 point out that if we do find ourselves judging another believer’s journey with the Lord, we are in fact judging the Spirit of God Himself.  Quite sobering.

 

 

So how am I applying this to myself? 

 

 

Lately I have been so enraptured with the growth God has granted me in my walk with Him, and I naturally want everyone else who I love to experience that same joy (Matt 5:15), yet in my zeal, I can find myself feeling critical toward those who don’t share my enthusiasm and particular joys in the Christian life.  So this verse reminds me to be very careful not to go beyond what is written in my desires for others.  God works in each of us differently and while there are many (scriptural) truths which are solidly part of God’s plan for every believer, my particular story represents God’s unique growth plan for me.  It is good to share that with others (Matt 5:16), however I must commit to resting in my Father’s good (and different) plan for them.

 

 

It’s interesting to me that Scripture doesn’t seem to give us any indication of what the people found unique to Apollos over Paul or vice versa.  Perhaps one did their daily devotions in the evening rather than the morning.  Perhaps one spent more time memorizing scripture and the other spent more time teaching it.  Perhaps one preferred more contemporary worship music than the other…. It’s interesting to think about the many different things which it could have been isn’t it?  But scripture made no mention of it because, as Paul points out, those were unique aspects of the Spirit’s work in those individual’s lives, and not something which scripture lays on all of us. 

 

 

I am incredibly blessed to be surrounded by many of the Lord’s chosen ones, and to potentially experience different types of edification from each one as each represents a unique outplaying of the gospel in a fallen yet regenerate life.  I want to be much more intentional about rejoicing in the things in others which are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and worthy of praise, (Phil 4:8) and much less time critiquing the areas of their lives where the Spirit has thus far grown me differently.

"Goodbye For Now"

 

Yesterday we said goodbye to a couple more missionary units from our team. 

 

 

As I ran with God this morning, I was thinking about all of the many "goodbyes" to teammates we’ve said over a few short years.  There are so many.  The Daniels families, the Holtons, Lauren, Sam, the Wilsons, Josey, Emily, the Scarboroughs, the Stockerts, the Duboses, and now the Pekareks and Autumn.  Many of those are people who Derek and I have really tried to pursue, invest in, and treat like family.  So many homeschool sessions and Bible study meetings with dear missionary children I may never see again. Countless coffee dates with women who have left… most likely never to return.  An abundance of play dates for Finn and Skye with friends who no longer live here.  

 

 

I was thinking about the blog post I wrote three years ago entitled, “Missionary Marriages—Not what you Think.”  This is the other side of that coin.  

 

 

In order to really function as the body of Christ with people you have to invest in them, be vulnerable with them, and pursue kingdom advancement with them like you might with a spouse, yet the nature of the mission we’re called to means that just as quickly as we unite ourselves to others, we may also be called to release them and say “goodbye, for now.” 

 

 

This is an aspect of missionary life that I think most people don’t realize.  I certainly didn’t.  Everyone thinks about the huge life transition that a missionary goes through when they uproot their family and move to another country, and of the huge learning curve and burden to settle into life in a new place and new community.  But what I think most don’t realize is that the transition is much more than a one-time thing.  You don’t just say goodbye when you get on the plan in your home country.  Many of us are forced to say goodbye to dear friends every year or two.  We quickly become like family with our missionary teammates, and then after a year or two they leave (either for an extended furlough back home, or quite often to follow the Lord’s call elsewhere).  To be a missionary in this day and age is really to adopt a lifestyle of “goodbye for now.”

 

 

This is hard—the balance of loving yet holding loosely.  Is it not one of the chief struggles of our human existence?  Yet this is exactly what Jesus Christ modeled for us.  He threw himself into deep, deep relationship with 12 men (really, it was probably quite a few more than that) who He knew He would say goodbye to after 3 short years.  Not only that, but He knew that they would be forced to say goodbye to Him.  

 

 

I think the nature of life and loss in this world can cause us to be extremely selective with who we allow into our inner circle.  Missionary life could certainly do that to you.  As much as we move and watch our friends move it can be easy to maintain walls around our hearts to protect us from the constant hurt of saying goodbye.  But I am encouraged and inspired by the example of Christ.  And so, I will try to continue pursuing and loving people, and make the most of the time I have with them.  And through it all I will endeavor to recognize the constancy of God’s Holy Spirit in them, loving me through each one, and never ever leaving me for good.

 

~ Laura

Survival Run

 

 

 

I was introduced to this video yesterday and I LOVED this it!  A couple times I almost teared up because it felt so so close to reality to me!  I feel like this man’s attempt to run an impossible race blind is EXACTLY what we are doing attempting to navigate life in this fallen world.  We have absolutely no sight to see what is coming around the corner and not ability to navigate through circumstances if not for the very real presence and guidance of the Holy Spirit.  This year more than ever I have become aware of how sweet this type of daily dependence is, and yet how incredibly vulnerable it feels.  Most of the time we don’t realize that we’re blind, and so we don’t grip the Spirit the way we should and consequently we trip and fall and veer off the path constantly.  Imagine if that blind man were to let go of His sighted friend and take off on his own leaving his friend to chase after him and do whatever he could to get the guy back on course??  So often that has been me.

I loved the way the two men were so practiced at running together that they knew the importance of constant two-way communication, they knew how to change positions at a moment’s notice to minimize the weaknesses of the blind man and maximize the strengths of the friend, and they paced themselves focusing on the task at hand.  Oh that I would be this attuned to the Spirit’s leading in my life!

- Laura

Sanctification and the Disciplines of Grace

 I've been asked to sub in for someone on a panel at one of MTW's Living In Grace conferences next week.  I was looking over the list of potential questions, and I really am excited to get to hear the other panelists responses!  I'm also really encouraged to know that the new missionaries in training who attend this retreat are getting to grapple with these kinds of ideas!  The questions are so good, I felt drawn to spend some time mulling over my own thoughts about each of them.  They're such challenging things to think about. 

Sanctification and Disciplines of Grace/Suggested panel questions

 

1. What do you see as the relationship between personal holiness and self-discipline? Someone said, “Before you can advance in personal holiness you must have self-discipline.” What you think about that statement?

 

It’s been observed about humanity that 99.9% of what we do, is done out of habit. I think God made us this way, and it’s a beautiful thing because as long as we are intentional and disciplined about forming habits that sanctify us, the growth will continue to continue by default. Things like praying all day long, recognizing all interruptions as from Him, and celebrating His attentiveness to us become second nature once we’ve cultivated them as habits. The cool thing is that because of the mysterious way that the Holy Spirit works in our lives, prompting us toward growth, motivating us to work at it, and then empowering us to follow through, the whole process of sanctification is initiated by Him and continues by Him. Our role is merely to respond in faith, taking the next step toward obedience to the Spirit, even if we don’t see where the motivation or empowerment will come from for the following one.

 

2. What then is the role of the law for Christians? 

It helps me to think about the law as wedding vows. When I stood before my husband I voluntarily committed to show my love for Him through doing x, y, and z. I continue to demonstrate my love for my husband both to him and before the watching world through fulfilling those vows. My fulfillment of those vows are not what make me married to my husband, but they are how I proclaim my marriage in practice. My husband knew me to be a sinner when he married me, and by God’s grace I trust that he would remain married to me even if I were to break my vow to him—though it would certainly put a serious strain on our relationship and my repentance would be absolutely vital.

When I accepted Jesus Christ as the Lord of my life, I was effectively committing to submit to Him in all things. By submitting to Him in all things I both demonstrate my love to Him personally and also demonstrate my love for Him to the world. My obedience to the law is not the basis on which I am betrothed to Christ, but it is the way I proclaim my love and commitment to the relationship in practice. When my divine groom chose me, He knew me to be a sinner, and knew that I would repeatedly demonstrate disloyalty to Him by breaking the law, so He preemptively atoned for my infidelity and also gave me the gift of the Holy Spirit so that I am empowered to keep running back to Him and slowly become more and more faithful.

3. What practices have you found personally helpful in helping to keep you faithful and consistent in your walk with Christ.

Many years ago I cultivated two habits that have stuck with me: spending time in God’s word and prayer first thing in the morning, and also talking with God as I fall asleep at night. I think though my growth has been very slow at times, these practices have kept me aware of my need of Him. Another practice that I began as a teenager is journaling. For me, journaling has become a really spiritual and sanctifying thing. When I write, I discover truths about myself and about the ways God is working on me. I talk to God in my writing and He speaks back in my thoughts, putting scriptures on my mind. This practice really helps me refocus my heart and be intentional about the growth God is nudging me toward.

In the past couple of years by God’s grace I’ve worked to cultivate some other practices that have greatly bolstered my faith and daily delight in God. I do a weekly prayer run in which I worship and pray while I go for a run outdoors. This practice started as an effort to get in shape after having my daughter, but it quickly turned into my most joyous 20 minutes of the week and it as instigated a lot more awareness of God's affection and intention toward me.

Also I’ve been working to cultivate a more constant awareness of God’s presence throughout the day and constant conversation with Him as I go about my daily tasks. This is something that I’m still working on and because it isn’t as cut and dry as going for a run on Mondays I think it’s been a slower, more gradual habit for me to form. I’ve seen so much progress, though—it’s really cool!

Lastly, our family has been working to cultivate the habit of worshiping together. We’ve just started this this year—Covid has been so good for us in so many ways. We learn a new song each month and come up with hand motions for it together. We have a little devotional book we read together, and then we talk about how we’ve seen God during the day. This has been a really special time and it really has grown our delight in God together. 

4. What tools have you found helpful? 

I love the PrayerMate App for praying strategically. I always have my prayer list with me in my phone, and it makes it easy to keep notes about how to pray for each item as well as scripture verses to pray for each one.

The Getty Family Worship videos helped us get going and develop a simple model for family worship, though at this point we have made it our own and no longer use their videos.

Earbuds—one of my all-time favorite inventions. When I run, I’m able to participate with all of creation in the worship that my ears can’t otherwise pick up on. It’s really enrapturing!

 

5. We are to bring every thought, word, and deed captive to the obedience of Christ. How do you do that exactly?

I think learning to practice God’s presence every moment of the day is a big step in the right direction—constant prayer. I also think that clinging outlandishly to our theology and choosing to receive all things as part of God’s good plan—refusing to consider any inconvenience or hardship as a mere happenstance--can position us to respond correctly more often to the various forces that might otherwise trigger us to sin.

 

6. Have you ever been in a situation, or season of your life where you found yourself seeking personal holiness through the sheer exercise of your own will? What resulted from that, and what did you learn from that?

Since I was a little girl I’ve been told that pride was one of my besetting sins. I’ve always wrestled with the idea that being more spiritually oriented is a two-sided coin because with each spiritual victory I become aware of my own victory and thus solidify my own pride even more. For a very long time I sought to counteract this by minimizing my victories and refusing to speak about them with others. At every opportunity I was quick to confess my sin and struggles, but I was much slower to share personal growth with others because I didn’t want to become more prideful myself in sharing it.

Then one day I shared all of this with one of my mentors, and she made the observation that this practice must make it hard for me to celebrate my own victories. I realized that I probably needed to grow in my understanding of pride and humility, so I began praying about this, asking God to reveal truth to me about pride and humility. I listened to sermons and asked a few people close to me to pray for my growth in and better understanding of humility. And God answered my prayers! He did this through a variety of ways—partially through a group Bible study, partially through a Disney movie, and partially through giving me such deep delight in God’s attentiveness to me that I couldn’t bear not to share it.

My biggest take away from the experience is that if you feel like you’re running up against a wall in your walk with the Lord, don’t accept defeat, and don’t keep running at it the same way if that way isn’t working. Ask boldly for what you want and ask others to pray for growth too, and then expect God to respond and look for His answer. 

 

7. Sometimes we have a sense that we are in a good place in terms of moving forward in our sanctification. Other times we are aware that something is off. What do you look for in your own life when you make that assessment?

I think our emotions are one of the most apparent ways God attempts to get our attention. He may not speak audibly to us to say that something’s up, but He’s created us to become sad, mad, frustrated, and apprehensive when something isn’t as it should be within us. When I’m feeling frustrated or generally discontent, I know that I need to spend some time with God to figure out what’s going on. For me, writing really helps me to get to the bottom of what is triggering my emotions, and then I’m able to look at how God’s word addresses my situation, and prayerfully seek repentance if it's needed, or seek empowerment and boldness to do whatever needs to be done in order to return to peace, joy, and right standing before God.

 

8. What consequences have you observed in your fields of ministry when there hasn’t been significant growth in sanctification? Is there anything you might do differently that might’ve been helpful in those situations?

When you aren’t being intentional about growth in your walk with God, you’ll quickly find yourself running after your idols. Just as a body of water is only pure and life-giving as long as it is ultimately running toward the sea but stagnant pools quickly become filthy and poisonous, Christians are made for growth and without growing we will never be satisfied.

I think for a lot of us in full time ministry this general dissatisfaction due to stagnation can make us look to our ministries for fulfillment. This often leads us to work harder and harder to accomplish or produce ministry fruit in our own power. Ministry success is a huge idol that cannot satisfy us like intimacy with God can. Sanctification must be more important to us than our ministries.

I think sometimes God allows us to be frustrated in our ministry so that we will recognize when we’re trying to find our joy there rather than in Him. Sometimes God even completely removes us from ministry one way or another in order to remind us where true fulfillment lies. In my own life God has used pregnancy to do this for an extended season. God’s commitment to each one of us is so deep that He’s completely willing to sacrifice our ministries for our own good if that’s what it will take to make us find our identity and fulfillment in Him. We must also be willing to make sacrifices for the sake of pursuing sanctification.

 

- Laura