Spanish Blog: Loneliness and Fulfillment

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During my last couple of years of high school I experienced some loneliness.  I worked hard on my schoolwork to earn good grades so that I could get a college scholarship, and I worked a part-time job at a grocery store to save up money for a car.  My sister and I did share one sweet friend, with whom we often spent time, but I longed for a friend who was just mine—someone who understood me and whom I didn’t have to share with anyone else.  

 

 

I felt like I didn’t fit in with the other young people who I interacted with at school, work, or church very well.  Most of the girls seemed more interested in talking about boys and the latest pop stars than about the things they were learning, or the types of fun that I enjoyed.  

 

 

Many in my situation would have sought out a boyfriend to fill the void, but I was convicted that this was likely not what God had for me at the time.  I had always been taught that the purpose of dating someone should be to discover whether God was calling me to marry that person, and as a high school student I was certainly not ready to think about marriage yet.  Also, I had never met a boy who seemed like someone the Lord would lead me to marry.  

 

 

I had always shared a bedroom with my sister, and given the size of our family (I had 4 younger siblings at this time), solitude was not always easy to find in our home, so I often sought it outside on a swing set behind our house.  I had gotten a CD player for my 15^th birthday, and I often brought it outside and listened to worship music while I imagined heaven.  I longed for heaven because it seemed like the ultimate answer to my loneliness.  I knew that no earthly friend or husband would ever be able to fully satisfy my desire for companionship, because I was designed to long for God and He alone could fill the void completely.

 

 

“As for me, I will see Your face in righteousness; I shall be satisfied when I awake in Your likeness.” Psalm 17:15

 

 

I’ve come to see loneliness as one of God’s greatest tools for nudging us toward Him.  I believe He is jealous for me and desired that I throw myself into relationship with Him, and so He was willing to allow me some discontentment for the sake of advancing my journey toward finding Him to be a faithful and ever-present friend.

 

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.  Proverbs 18:24

 

I have continued to struggle with loneliness on and off again as an adult.  Honestly, I think all humans do.  Because we were created to live fully as spiritual beings in intimacy with the greatest of spiritual beings—our Creator God—and yet sin constantly works to convince us that fulfillment is possible—and easier—through human relationships, possessions, success, etc.  We run after these things so hard because we long SO DESPERATELY to be fully known and fully valued. 

 

“To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.”  - Tim Keller

 

 

So when I struggle with loneliness, I know that my first response should be to seek quality time with God.  Then, resting in His full love and approval, I can take steps of faith toward relationship with my brothers and sisters in Christ.  Alongside my spiritual family, we make up a spiritual organism that grows and thrives best together--through constant interaction and mutual pursuit of our Father God.

 

 

  “From whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.”  Ephesians 4:16

 

 

The Language of Heaven

For some time now I’ve wondered if perhaps music is the language of heaven.  It is a universal language that conveys meaning to our hearts in a beautiful and emotional way.  It’s like a heart language that all of humanity shares.

 

 

This morning while on my walk with God I was listening to “Lothlórien” by Enya—which I find absolutely gorgeous by the way—and even though it’s completely instrumental, I felt like the music was drawing my eyes to the skies and my heart toward thinking about life from above—from my heavenly position in Christ’s throne with Him (Eph 2:6).  The song has no lyrics at all, but the melody alone was used by the Holy Spirit to call me toward a heavenly perspective.  And yet, somehow, the tune also seemed to allow for acknowledging the more humble setting in which I physically reside.  It seemed to promote a balanced approach to looking up, seeing from on high, but also looking straight ahead, and accepting where I am.

 

 

( By the way… after writing this post, I decided I ought to look up what the word, “Lothlórien” means, and I was pleasantly surprised.  It seems the artist had a similar thing in mind when she composed the song!  Lothlórien was, in fact, the convergence of two contrasting realms.  Look it up!)

 

 

 

I’ve written before about how it seems to me that God writes and reveals melodies and lyrics in His perfect timing and with His own purposes, which are almost certainly grander than those of the earthly artists who are given credit for them.  I’ve found over the past few years that I often find deeper spiritual meanings to secular songs.  Sometimes the lyrics an artist assigns to a tune just seem absurdly shallow or silly compared to the message the Holy Spirit impresses on my heart.  

 

 

It makes me think of Jesus’ parables.  There are some who will only take away simple moralistic messages from them, and God allows it to be so.  But the Holy Spirit’s omniscient power to wield anything in creation for His purposes is one of the most beautiful and magical aspects of the way He works, and the more I experience it, the more I stand in awe.

 

 

 

Anyway… the language of heaven.  As I thought about this more, I realized that music is not the only artistic expression that is somewhat universal.  Perhaps heaven will have unlimited languages which speak truth and meaning to each one’s heart.  Perhaps our emotional intelligence will be raised to level where we can gain absolute meaning through observing the facial expression and muscular efforts of a runner completing His marathon, a ballerina executing a pirouette, or a painter blending colors on a canvas. 

 

 

Just as each of us have mother tongues with which we will always communicate best, we also have other heart languages which speak to others, and as ourselves as well, of the longings of our hearts.  In the fallen condition we tend not to have opportunity to fully express these things as we would like to, and even if we do, it tends to be misunderstood or under understood.  But one day it won’t be so.  

 

 

Communication is clearly one of God’s defining attributes.  So integral is it to His character, that John 1:1 names Him the Word.  Genesis 1 introduces us to all of creation as an expression of His speech, and Hebrews 1:3 affirms that His power is in fact a means of His communication which actually upholds all of creation.  Clearly, He is a communicating God who is not limited to the languages of vocal cords.   

 

 

For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.  Hebrews 4:12