MOVING: Part 1

Our move back to the US from Peru is feeling really real now.  I’ve been selling off a lot of our things for the past month via a private facebook group that I created.  It has worked really well.  It’s been nice and controlled and I’ve just listed items as I’ve had the time and felt ready to part with them, and then people have come to pick up their purchases at my house.

 

 

 

The movers were supposed to come today to pack up a couple furniture pieces and a bunch of boxes of stuff.  But they surprised us yesterday by showing up a day early!  I think we could have told them that we weren’t ready and needed to stick with the date we had prearranged…. But we actually were basically ready and decided to go ahead and do it.  So as the movers wrapped cardboard around our things most of the day, we cleaned, packed, did homeschool (our last day before an extra long Christmas break!), sold more stuff, and did a little online black Friday shopping! We finished out the day sitting on a mattress on the floor in Skye’s room singing Christmas carols along with youtube videos on my laptop (TV and couches were gone), and talking about the things we’re thankful for.

 

 

 

 

Today was probably our craziest day yet move-wise.  We had people coming at different points all throughout the day to pick up purchases including several big appliances so we were scurrying to make sure those things were clean and ready to go.  We also moved out of our apartment to an Airbnb where we will be until we leave on the 6^th.  So in between people stopping by to pick up stuff we were squeezing all of the things into our suitcases and preparing for the first move of our move (there will be at least 3 moves: Airbnb - grandparent’s house - our house).

 

 

 

Some teammates were kind to keep our children for us during the part of the afternoon when we were actually moving from our apartment to the Airbnb.  Transporting all our bags and suitcases was a bit of an ordeal without a vehicle.  We were able to hail a station wagon taxi and have him make several trips back and forth with us, though, and then we walked to the grocery store to stock up on food for the next week before picking up the children.

 

 

 

Finn and Skye have been super excited about moving into this Airbnb.  The concept of a new house is so exciting to them, and they’ve been looking forward to it for weeks.  When they finally arrived in the new place, I already had their toys laid out in their rooms, and they were thrilled to explore and discover every nook and cranny of the house.  There was lots of bouncing up and down, crawling under furniture, and running from one room to the next. 

 

 

 

After an extra long bedtime routine (still lots of excitement pulsing through these little bodies!) we’ve finally got the kids to sleep and settled in for the night in our Airbnb.  I’ve been praying a lot for calm and peace and a smooth, restful night’s sleep in this new place.  I’m always wary of new locations in Cusco spiritually speaking. 

 

 

 

Derek is finally getting to watch the iron bowl on his laptop.  He’s been careful to avoid hearing the outcome from friends and family (though I had no qualms with checking the final score myself—just to get a gauge on what he’s about to go through. Sigh.)  As he does that I’m processing the craziness of the last couple of days through writing.

 

 

 

It has definitely an exhausting couple of days, but it’s so nice to have made it this far.  It feels like we’ve gotten past some major hurtles getting our container shipped off and having moved ourselves and most of our stuff to the Airbnb.  The next couple of days we’ll be going back and forth to the other apartment to clean, hand off more stuff to people, and close up shop there.  Thankfully we’re only about a 10-minute walk away.  

 

A Really Good Conversation

Some of my best conversations with Him come via earbuds and Spotify's random play function. 

 

"Holy (Wedding Day)" by City Harmonic

 

This song puts life in such perspective.  I really identify with the picture of a bride longing for her wedding day, and overflowing with joy in the knowledge that her groom is being crowned the king.  

 

 

"The King and All His Beauty" by Matt Boswell and Matt Papa

 

Yes, Father.  How Worthy You are.  Oh that I would be able to sing this song every moment as I live here and go about my days.

 

 

 

 

"Braver Sill" by JJ Heller

 

Yes, I know.  You allow the pain and the hurt because even in that You show your kindness.  Somehow the subtlety of Your voice conveys even more profoundly your wisdom, omnipotence, and commitment to my good.

 

 

 

"Burn for You" by Rivers and Robots 

 

Watching and praying.  That is what You call me to.  Let it be Father.  Make me burn for You in a way that not only propels my relationship with You but that brings You glory in my environment as well.  But You must be my first love.  Let my relationship with You be all that matters.  More than my impact here. 

 

 "If You Want me To" by Ginny Owens

 

 

 

"Messiah / You're Beautiful" by Phil Wickham

 

 

Yes, Father.  Let me just keep my eyes on you as I walk wherever You lead.  Your beauty.  Your providence for me.  Your throne and sovereignty over all things.  Your immanent return.

 

Thank you Father.  Thank you for meeting with me this morning and speaking to me through these songs.  Help me to keep listening today.

 

Spanish Blog: My Summer In Paraguay

  *Click here to read the story behind my Spanish Blog 

All I have to do is close my eyes and I am there again – curled up on a thin mattress with my arms wrapped around a similarly thin pillow in an effort to help it support my head.  My whole body trembled as I sobbed uncontrollably.  Surprised by the wave of despair that had suddenly taken control of my being, I tried so hard to be quiet and keep the girl in the bunk bed next to mine from knowing that I was crying.  It was useless, however.  I knew she must have heard me. 

 

 

With this realization quieting me slightly, the thought occurred to me that even this situation could be used to bless the fifteen-year-old missionary girl.  God had taught me a lot about vulnerability in the previous year, but still it was one of the hardest things I had ever made myself say.  I swallowed several times to get down the lump that had formed in my throat so that I would be able to speak at least somewhat clearly.  “Emily*, would you please pray for me?  I’m feeling really homesick right now.”

 

“Okay,” she said. 

 

And I knew she would.  Emily may have been somewhat immature, but she was not unfeeling.  And I knew she would be concerned for me - at least for a few minutes, before the sound of heavy breathing told me that sleep had overtaken her.  Relieved and slightly impressed with myself for having gotten it out, I rolled back over to face the wall and give in once again to the monster of depression, which had seized me.  I couldn’t remember a time in my life that I had cried so hard.  I had only been in this country for about a week and I didn’t know how in the world I would last for another eight.  I felt completely alone and unappreciated. 

 

 

During my sophomore year of college, I had felt a strong desire to go on a missions trip of some kind in which I could serve using the talents God had given me.  I had always been very interested in missions, and especially after my family’stime at the missionary training school. Yet I had never been on a missions trip of any kind.  I thought that perhaps God would lead me into missions at some point in the future, and maybe spending some time in a foreign country doing some on-the-job training would allow me to see how God might use me in the future. 

 

 

I contacted a missionary agency and expressed my desire to spend a summer helping a missionary family somewhere overseas, and I was put in contact with a family of seven doing Bible translation work in a remote village in Paraguay.  I would travel to Paraguay by myself and spend about 9 weeks of my summer living with this family, teaching their children, and helping out in any way that I could.  Now, after being with the mother and daughter for one week while waiting for the roads to their village to become passable, I was forced to remind myself continually of the ambition with which I had come.

 

 

Without a friend in the entire continent, I had tried determinedly to pour into and encourage the missionary lady and her daughter in the short time I had been with them.  The mother was obviously very disillusioned about Christians in general and had done little but complain to me about the way Christians (even missionaries) acted.  I listened to criticism after criticism sympathetically, trying in vain to connect with her through sharing personal experiences.  She didn’t seem to take much interest in me except my ability to listen to her.  I realize now that she was dealing with a lot of inner turmoil, but as a 19-year-old girl experiencing foreign missions for the first time, I had little to offer her.

 

 

The night’s occurrences had brought all of this to a hilt.  I wanted for nothing more than to have a friend to confide in or ask advice of.  I had tried everything I knew how to do to get through and obtain any sign of appreciation or affection, but all I felt was drained, and I had no way of communicating with anyone back home since cell phones and internet were luxuries unavailable to me.  So I cried out to the only One I had – the only One I would have for the next two months.  I pleaded for strength, for comfort, for wisdom, and for words of encouragement to pierce the emotional scars my hostess had apparently attained during her lifetime in missionary service in Paraguay.  If I were going to make any difference at all, it would have to be through my heavenly Father.

 

 

My summer in Paraguay proved to be one of the longest of my life.  Were it not for my careful attention to the passing of days and weeks, I might have said it was nine months instead of nine weeks.  The struggle for peace in my heart despite feelings of inadequacy and defeat was constant, but this brought me to my knees.  I had very little opportunity to communicate with anyone back home while in Paraguay, so I was quite dependent on God for comfort and companionship. 

 

 

I learned what an incredible difference an hour or two spent with God – searching His word, and pouring out my heart – could make in my attitude.  So often during that 9 weeks I would find myself at the end of my rope and discreetly run away to sit on my bed and search the scriptures for encouragement.  This would give me peace of mind like nothing else could while I was there.  I had never before experienced true companionship with my Heavenly Father like I did that summer.

 

 

Besides the reassurance I got from God through reading the Bible and spending time with Him, the biggest encouragement to me was the motivation of seeing Emily slowly open up to me about her struggles as a missionary kid, and the only white girl her age in that area of Paraguay.  Almost every day Emily and I would go for a long walk right at sunset.  Often we would talk about silly or inconsequential things, but sometimes she would tell me about the loneliness she experienced, or how ostracized she felt by her peers whenever her family went home to the states for furlough.  My heart went out to Emily so I tried to be an encouragement and also a good example for her, and I was encouraged to see her slowly open up to me and appreciate my listening ear and my advice.

 

 

My time in Paraguay was the hardest experience of my life to that point, and had I realized what it would be like going into it I probably would not have gone, and yet I am so thankful that I did.  Not only did I learn so much about missionary life, and the unique struggles and opportunities of missionary kids, but I came to know my heavenly Father on a whole new level.  He was my Sustainer, my Comforter, and my Truest Friend.

 

 

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: “For Your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”  No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  (Romans 8:35-39)

 

 

*Emily’s name has been changed for confidentiality

 

 

Influence

Derek and I were at a dinner with fellow believers last night, and they graciously allowed me to mostly listen during the conversation (as is usually my preference in group settings).  I'm seeking to learn to delight in the people and exchanges around me and participate through silent prayerfullness when not vocally.  This role has helped me to rest in and accept the introverted nature bestowed on me by my Creator.

 

At one point the conversation drifted to discussing politics and the brokenness of our societies (both Peru and the US) and about how difficult it is for a Christian to rise to a position of influence politically or professionally.  As they discussed, I was thinking about how God calls us to reign with Him and have dominion--words which seem to imply great influence.

 

 

Revelation 5:10 – “and you have made them a kingdom and priests to our God,  and they shall reign on the earth.”

 

Daniel 7:27 – “And the kingdom and the dominion and the greatness of the kingdoms under the whole heaven shall be given to the people of the saints of the Most High His kingdom shall be an everlasting kingdom, and all dominions shall serve and obey him.”

 

Galatians 3:29 – “And if you are Christ's, then you are Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise.”

 

2 Timothy 2:12 – “If we endure, We shall also reign with Him.”

 

Hebrews 2:8 – “You have put all things in subjection under His feet." For in that He put all in subjection under him, He left nothing that is not put under him. But now we do not yet see all things put under him.”

 

Ephesians 2:5-6 – “even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus”

 

 

I wrestle to understand how much of this describes our present role versus our future role.  However if prayer is as powerful and consequential as I think it is, it alone constitutes a force at our disposal that is a lot like the power to reign.  Since Christ is already seated on the throne of heaven and doing His will in all the world, and since He has seated us with Him and handed us the authority to pray and thereby bring about His plans now, then in a mysterious, behind the scenes sort of way, we ARE reigning, or at least possessing the potential to reign, right now.

 

 

As Paul said in 1 Corinthians 4:8, “Already you have all you want! Already you have become rich! Without us you have become kings! And would that you did reign, so that we might share the rule with you!”

 

 

I think that we underestimate our potential influence in the here and now.  We see that the world doesn’t value what we have to say, but I wonder if spiritual beings in the world take much greater heed of us and our prayers of faith—perhaps even than we do. 

 

 

I think of Daniel and the incredible influence that he and his prayers had in an incredibly pagan setting.  And He was not someone who seems to have aspired to greatness personally.  He merely prayed 3 times a day and accepted the suffering which came to Him as from the Lord’s hand of mercy and grace.  He managed to keep his spiritual eyes open and watchful in the face of temporal anguish. 

 

 

Oh Lord, keep my spiritual eyes open.  Allow me to recognize the kingdom missions that you place before me daily and help me to have faith in the victory potential offered to me by Your authority.  Father, remove my fears of personal discomfort, injustice, weakness, and mismanagement.  Enable me to delight in the seat of royalty you’ve bestowed on me for the present time and grant me wisdom to embrace the ways in which you call me to reign in the world today.  Amen.