Spiritual Cycles, the Goodness of God, Pursuit of Healing, and the Living Word

I'm shoring up a bunch of my musings over the past several months.  I write these things in a note in my phone entitled "Writing," hoping that I will have a future time to flesh out the concept further through writing.  I usually have to flesh out a bunch of it all at once due to time constraints.  I need to start dating each things in the note.

Probably 4-6 months ago I wrote: 

“The cycle replayed repeatedly in the Bible: calling, intent to follow, fear, sin, consequences (slavery), crying out, rescue, a journey out of slavery, and a journey to claim promises.  We live this cycle over and over in our relationship with God and reality (God).  Teaching on recognizing that cycle?”

It's interesting to me that I wrote that several months ago because just a few weeks ago I came across a Youtube video where the OneStory creators explained their story map for the entire Bible which shows how cycles replayed over and over again.  Their map teaches students how to recognize the phases.  Their phrases are a bit different though: wild place, through the waters, blessing in dry places, covenant, garden, choice, and a seed of promise.

I guess to take the best of both their map and my own concept of the cycle, I might go with:

1.  Calling / Invitation to the Garden 
2.  Intent to follow
3.  A choice:
•  Fear/Sin (proceed to #4)
•  Trust/Surrender (proceed to #7)
4.  Consequences / slavery / wild place
5.  Crying out
6.  Journey out of slavery / through the waters
7.  Blessing in dry places
8. A journey back into the garden / journey to claim promises
9. Loop back to #3 sooner or later (at least while on this earth)

 

A related item from my note: 

We can’t stay in the exhilaration of a tune’s crescendo very long.  Neither can we spiritually stay in the heights.  It is precisely the slower, darker notes which birth the exultation, and they too convey their own beauty.

 

Next item in my note: 

“The resurrection was God’s endorsement of the cross.  It shows us that God would rather suffer and die than overcome evil by violence, and it invites us to live by taking up our cross as Christ did.  Life through death.”  

 I’m still wrestling through trying to understand what happened with the cross and Jesus’ life.  On the one hand it WAS violence.  But was God doing it?  Willing it?  Was God unleashing His anger on Jesus, or was God with Jesus on the cross, showing us the way forward (life through death)?  It seems like pitting God against Jesus doesn’t work, since they are One.  And I can’t bring myself to accept concept of an angry God.  He clearly set up a universe where sad consequences happen as a result of choices to act contrary to reality – which I think Roman’s 1 calls “wrath.”  But I have a hard time calling that anger or even wrath because of what those English words mean (when we talk about them in any human context).  God’s version of them has to be something other--something purer and something that is somehow loving/seeking of restoration.

Dallas Willard said, 

“I’ll either allow my view of evil to determine my view of God and cut Him down accordingly, or I’ll allow my view of God to determine my view of evil and elevate Him accordingly.”   

The problem is, I feel like depending on your chosen systematic theology you can use scripture to support whatever view of God you want to take.  This is where I think personal experience with God – via faith (a risky choice to act on the assumption that He’s good and trustworthy)—comes to bare.  Often we have to get to a low place to be willing to take that sort of risk.  We cry out (#5 above) and decide to head for the Red Sea even though it looks impassible from a human standpoint, but we’re at the end of our rope and willing to give Gods’ a shot.  At least that’s what it feels like inside of our heads.  In reality I think there’s a drawing, reassuring, fueling, and supernatural enabling on God’s part which facilitates our faith.  

As we step into the waters, we see Him hold back the current and make a way forward for us, and we come to know Him experimentally.  That experience becomes a data point - a personalized revelation of God inserted into your life.  We bring that data with us as we approach scripture, and it helps us to discover truth.

Next note: 

“Seeing nature is peering into the mind of God.”

Next note: 

“To the degree that I am willing to wrestle with my mind’s dissonance in open conversation with the Creator, I begin to experience the true joy of discovery and I taste what the scriptures call ‘gospel.’”

Next note: 

“Jesus always told people who came to Him for healing, ‘your faith has healed you.’  Maybe we should understand, therefore, that spiritual healing is also on offer for those with faith enough to pursue it.”   

That’s essentially the choice (#3 above) that Jesus demonstrated and proclaimed.  He said that the reign of God was real and presiding over the earth such that anyone could choose to enter it and live by kingdom realities (choosing trust and surrender rather than fear and sin).

Some weeks later I apparently was having the same thought and wrote, 

”Jesus regularly told people, 'your faith has healed you.’  What if faith is also what is necessary to experience spiritual healing? Maybe if we were just as aware and desperate about our sin as Bartimaeus was about his blindness, and if we were willing to be persistent and socially unacceptable (even when rebuked) in our pursuit of healing, we might receive healing?  Not that we could reach perfection.  Bartimaeus’s sight surely maintained the limits common to human eyes.  But perhaps we might see real, noteworthy progress—the type of progress that causes those around us to praise the God who still honors faith today.”

Next note: 

“Life is like a river.”   

I remember this being a big and centering thought that I seemed to receive from God based on the issues I was dealing with in my mind on that day, but didn’t have time to fully flesh out in writing.  I think I was envisioning myself floating along in a large, steadily flowing river, accompanied by my family and regularly floating near other people in my vicinity, and regularly passing by / bumping into random debris, rocks, and floating logs.  The temptation is to focus solely on those people and situations right around us and forget that the river contains all of it, knows all of it, and continues to move us all along through it.  We can choose to fear the course of the river, or we can choose to move with it, watching for where it will go next, and adjusting ourselves accordingly, trusting that the river is worth floating in, and reaching out to help along those floating near us.

“In Him we live and move and have our being.” 

 

Next note is a quote from Tim Mackie from a Bible Project class, 

“What’s of value is the substance of what the words are about…” (speaking of scripture), “The words are a vehicle to communicate something that is real—SomeONE that’s real, and because the words are a vehicle, the wording as such is not an end in itself.” 

He was speaking about how New Testament authors often quoted the Old Testament in broken and switched around/combined ways rather than doing perfectly verbatim quotes the way our culture does (to avoid the dreaded evil of plagiarism).”  This stood out to me because of how I’ve been seeking to understand, in recent years, the mean of Jesus being “The Living Word,” and struggling with the feeling that we sometimes worship scripture over and above God Himself.  He inhabits His word, but I think, as Mackie points out, that He is the meaning intended through the words.  That is why Jesus, who lived out the intended meaning of the Old Testament can rightly be called the living word.  He is the meaning – the substance which inhabits scripture when scripture is engaged with in an open, honest pursuit of truth with the help of the Holy Spirit.  That, however, is probably not as common as we might think.  We much more often go to scripture with our own agenda, and miss the One who inhabits it.

 

That's all for now!  I shall muse on 😊 

Who Am I?

While on my walk with God the other day I was struck by how significant my personal and even spiritual growth has been through understanding more about myself via personality profiles like Myers Briggs, Right Path, and the Working Genius. 

I think as I come to discover greater and greater nuance of how God designed me, the more delight I take in being who He made me to be, and the more confident I feel to contribute my strengths to the rest of humanity.  As I learn about the nuanced ways that humans think and function, I also come to appreciate and delight in the ways that God brings different people together for each one’s good.

 

Who am I? 

 

I am a “researcher” (on the Right Path profile).  I LOVE to discover and curate answers, solutions, and new or greater understanding and clarity.  I can spend hours working at seeking those things without feeling tired.  In fact, I ENJOY doing so.  I love being able to contribute to others’ understanding, success, joy, etc. through researching and putting together information and plans that will help them.  When I see a system that yields certain frustrations, I don’t give a second thought to researching or brainstorming potential improvements for the greater good.  And if the said improvements are something I’m able to accomplish through my wonder, invention, intuition, or administrative gifts (to be discussed shortly), I will work at accomplishing it with dedicated focus and attention to detail until it’s finished.

 Knowing this about myself brings me great joy, because it is something I can contribute to others joyfully as a help to them, and in so doing I contribute somethings special that God has given me for the good of others.  I can offer it generously and confidently as a gift.  Knowing this is a unique attribute of mine also makes me aware that for many other people, pursuing answers and innovative solutions like this is not as life-giving and natural as it is for me. 

I used to assume that others experience life mostly the same way as I do, and the more I learn and grow, the more I realize that we are all SO incredibly unique with nuanced superpowers to contribute to others.  Researching is one of mine.  I used to keep it mostly to myself due to worry that others would think me presumptuous if I offered my help in that area, but I now recognize that I have something unique to share.  And this heightens my joy and sense of belonging in my Father’s world. 

 

I am a Wonderer and Inventor (working genius profile)

I LOVE to contemplate hidden realities and potential, and I REALLY enjoy inventing and creating products which respond to, demonstrate, and clarify those realities and potentials that I see.  Brainstorming and generating ideas is incredibly fun for me, and I get so much satisfaction from helping others ideate in order to improve on the status quo.  I naturally question systems and processes with an eye for potential improvements without ever being asked.  And when I say that this is fun for me, I mean I regularly naturally choose doing that during my down-time over other “relaxing” activities, because it brings me life.

This can be a downside to my personality, so I’ve had to lean on other strengths (such as my intuition) and the input of others around me to know when I’m moving outside of my lane.  Every strength can become a trait that bowls people over.  But when I’m able to offer this ability perceptively or even better… when REQUESTED by a friend or co-worker who knows my strengths, I find that using my wonder and invention to contribute to the beauty in God’s world to be potentially the most satisfying experiences I ever have. 

Since discovering this aspect of who God created me to be, I have become more and more confident and joyful in using my love for writing, systematizing, curriculum planning, and general ideation to bless others.  This is a gift that I would have held back and hidden much more in the past, assuming that I was presumptive to offer.  I thought that others would think me prideful to put forward my work.  But I realize more and more that this is a unique gift that I have when paired with my particular passions.  There are many wonderers and inventors in the world, but a limited number of them also have the same passions that I do and operate in the same social circles that I do.  God has given me these unique gifts to offer for the good of those around me in the lanes that He’s provided for me to run in for His glory.  This thrills me, and makes me so excited to be a part of what He’s doing.  I can contribute my geniuses generously and lovingly, and let Him protect my heart after I’ve put my work out there.  It’s very vulnerable, but also gives me such a sense of my own belonging and value in God’s world.

 

I am an INTJ / INFJ (Myers Brigg) with an above average emotional intelligence.

I am a strong introvert with a higher-than-average emotional intelligence.  I get energy by spending time alone with my thoughts and possibly a pen and paper.  I also get really built up by one-on-one time with a friend.  On the flip-side, I get quickly overwhelmed, discouraged, and overly self-critical in group settings.  To be successful in group settings, I need to prepare well, and then follow up the time by some good alone time to process with God.  I will not function optimally otherwise. 

I used to think that I had personality flaws due to my own lack of effort or wisdom since I felt so awkward and failing in group environments. I assumed my keen observance of others’ emotions and energy levels was normal, and that I merely had an inferior ability to respond appropriately to all the simultaneous input.  I have grown to understand, however, that while my introversion does require me to lean on the strengths of extroverts who love me in group settings, it also equips me to love people really well in one-on-one settings.  It has also led me to develop an ability to thoughtfully plan for meaningful group interactions. 

Taking in all the different emotions and social energy in the room can certainly be overwhelming for me, however all of that input is valuable insight that allows me to recognize the hurts, anxieties, needs, strengths, gifts, and longings of others—especially with regard to relationship (a core human need).  I can not only contribute some of those insights to others, but I can act on it through affirming those individuals, praying strategically for them, and planning interactions that will put them at ease and help them feel the love and belonging of Christ. 

Recognizing those gifts that I possess make the awkward social overwhelm that I feel in group settings worth it.  And it helps me dispel accusing thoughts about my own inept social skills.  I may be mostly silent in a group setting. I may not laugh at the right moments.  I might ask questions that feel ill-timed or out of place.  But in the midst of it all, I am taking in loads of information and preparing to love people well in my own unique way.

 

I am a Myers Briggs Intuitive.  This means God designed me to naturally notice patterns of behavior and connections between occurrences which, paired with my introversion and emotional intelligence, give me a hard-to-explain sense of how certain projects and interactions will turn out.  Intuition is something that I still have only a rudimentary understanding of, but I am learning that my hunches about things are generally worth giving thought to and potentially sharing with others.  I have also learned, however, that my intuition can weigh me down and give me anxiety about potential outcomes while those who perceive information through sensing may be unhampered by those considerations and able to move forward based on actual data.  That is a strength in others that I really appreciate and that relieves me of quite a bit of worry at times.

 

I am a Thinker who flip flops as a Feeler at times.  As I have grown more confident in who God made me to be, I have come to recognize some competing impulses within myself.  I’ve discovered that when I am most secure in my identity, I make decisions and judgements primarily through objective analysis of data and principles.  However, my intuition and emotional intelligence have often come to bare swaying me toward making decisions based on others’ feelings and opinions.  In moments when I am less secure in my identity I can disregard logical rational in favor of meriting the favor of others.  When I do that, it is generally out of self-preservation motives rather than out of brave love.  On the contrary, when I make a difficult decision based on objective analysis of all data before me, I can take others’ thoughts and feelings into account and love them through honoring communication and understanding even as I act on the decision that I see as best.  This approach tends to be more an act of faith and trust in God for my value rather than others’ opinions.  I think that is who God created me to be.

Knowing these things about myself pushes me deeper into dependency on God, and also nudges me toward receiving the help and support of others who are not as pulled in opposite directions as I am.  I find that I am often able to best contribute to a decision by sharing the opposing feelings and data that I carry within me and then allowing others who can be more objective than myself to speak clarity and affirmation into the situation. 

I sometimes feel like this is an unfortunate aspect of who I am, however, it’s who God has brought me to be at the current moment, and so I’m learning to embrace it and accept my reliance on others while I seek to grow and learn from them.  This is the me who God loves today, but also the me who God is actively working on in connection with others.  I am thankful for God’s intentionality to grow and develop me and also for the strengths of others who journey alongside me in partnership.  What a beautiful matrix the body of Christ is!

 

I am a Myers Briggs “J”, meaning I have a preference for structure and a decisive approach to the outer world.  I LOVE to make sense of processes, needs, and routines through charts, schedules, defined pathways, definitive plans, and preparedness.  This is a gift that I have learned to use as a way of loving and helping those that I care about.  I often pair this attribute with my researcher gifts to problem solve in methodical ways and trouble shoot with plans and systems for potential improvement.  I LOVE to take identified goals and form a plan for achieving them.  I constantly use this gift to serve my family through curriculum planning, meal planning, grocery planning, vacation planning, house upkeep planning, daily schedule planning, etc. 

This quality of my personality is something that I am learning is quite uniquely nuanced when paired with the other facets of my personality (introversion, intuition, thinker researcher, inventor).  God has made me someone who can dream about possibilities, perceive potential emotional responses to said possibilities, generate potential improvement plans and systems, analyze the pros and cons associated with those generated plans, and invent means of communicating all of that in an organized structure that others can enter into with me for discernment and troubleshooting.

 

I Need the Strengths of Others

Each of the personality traits and gifts I have written about has a plethora corresponding strengths and gifts which I lack.  While I might be a researcher, I am definitely not a supporter, driver, or adapter.  I need to lean on others who have those gifts.  While I am a Wonderer and Inventor, I am a terrible Enabler and Galvanizer.  I have to recognize the time and place when those skills are needed and learn from those who bear them beautifully.  And I definitely need the support and help of extroverts,  Sensors, Feelers and Perceivers to be able to participate aptly in many different circumstances.

 

All of that may sound like a bunch of nerdy mumbo jumbo to the average person, but to me it is the unique kiss of my heavenly Father planted in my soul for the good of His family.  He understands every facet of my strengths, weaknesses, joys and frustrations intimately (much more than I do myself), and He crafted each aspect of me with intentionality, placing me uniquely into a social sphere where I could learn to grow into who He designed me to become alongside other uniquely gifted and equipped image bearers.  What a joy it is to discover more about Him as I discover more about me!  And what a blessing it is to me as I am able to share myself with others.  AND what a treasure hunt it is to uncover the nuanced personalities and super powers of other complex human beings who God has planted me beside.  Koinonia with God and with others is such a multifaceted diamond that makes me delight more and more in the Jewel Smith the longer I live!